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Oh my - 2 beers a day?! It is a fair amount, especially relative to teetotalers and the recent research showing health risks go up by imbibing ANY alcohol.
However, most people and certainly most professionals would be hard-pressed to call 2 drinks a day indicative of an alcoholic.
OP - did he used to drink more when younger such that alcohol impacts him more strongly because his liver is damaged?
Anyway, the DH is just on the brink of what is considered excessive drinking. https://www.npr.org/sections/thesalt...all-in-between "Women who consume eight or more drinks per week are considered excessive drinkers. And for men, excess is defined as 15 or more drinks a week. (The researchers defined a drink as just 5 ounces of wine, 12 ounces of beer or 1.5 ounces of spirits.)"
The other thing is that someone who is known to drink 15 cans a week is in all probability drinking more that the spouse doesn't know about. An alcohol counselor could tell you that.
Last edited by Oldhag1; 01-29-2019 at 05:08 AM..
Reason: FYI - It isn’t provided it doesn’t cross other lines
How old is he? Could it be early onset Alzheimer’s?
You can google for symptoms and doublecheck them against your DH’s symptoms.
But I would think that a doctor’s exam would pick this up!
Thank you silibran.
When we went to see the doctor, we expressed concert of alzheimer's or dementia. This is when the doctor did some tests and suggested a sleep test where we discovered he has severe sleep apnea. I've seen some improvement, but he doesn't use it daily (machine is noisy and not comfortable).
Again, I am feeling very frustrated and I need to know what is wrong with him so I can get him help. He doesn't think there is anything wrong, mostly. My observation is that he hasn't improved and other people who are in touch with him notice he isn't getting better, (unable to finish a sentence, rambles and cannot directly answer a question). I don't think this doctor is being truthful to me and I can see my husband getting worse. I can't seem to get anywhere and it is affecting my life, my work that I cannot afford to lose.
In Canada, it is getting worse that you are not allowed to get second opinion. When you sign up at doctor's office, they only want you to visit their clinics.
I do not appreciate any sarcastic remarks. I came on here hoping someone may have an answer or someone who've seen these similar situation with their family or friends.
I also trying to find a way how I can have this doctor be honest with me so that I can try to get him help.
Just maybe it is a combination of things, but I really need some honesty from this doctor so that I can move forward to help my husband.
Schedule your DH for another appointment, if he is willing to go. In the meantime write down your observations succinctly, as if keeping a journal. Show this to doc.
But you say your DH thinks he is fine. Can you talk to him about what you are observing? Does he disagree with your observations? Is he worse after drinking? Or after a bad night’s sleep?
On the CPAP, I understand there are more than one model. If he finds the one he is using uncomfortable, is there some way to try a different one? If this is sleep apnea, you might have noticed his breathing stoppages at night?
Schedule your DH for another appointment, if he is willing to go. In the meantime write down your observations succinctly, as if keeping a journal. Show this to doc.
But you say your DH thinks he is fine. Can you talk to him about what you are observing? Does he disagree with your observations? Is he worse after drinking? Or after a bad night’s sleep?
On the CPAP, I understand there are more than one model. If he finds the one he is using uncomfortable, is there some way to try a different one? If this is sleep apnea, you might have noticed his breathing stoppages at night?
Hi, I have made notes of my observations and he listed to me last summer. At one point, he went on his own to see the doctor.
As for the CPAP machine, it was the best one to select and we just purchased one that cost us a lot of money. Soon, I will have to get one also...I have mild case of it and continue to lose weight.
As for the drinking, he get tired afterwards(as I am the same). He used to drink a lot before I met him when he was a lot younger. As he aged, he quit smoking, decreased drinking. There are times he wouldn't drink for a month, then go back to it, but not a lot of cans of beer at once unless we are on vacation.
I tried to tell him to cut back more on drinking because he is older and I see something is not right. My observation is that even without him drinking, he shows the same signs of inability to construct a complete sentence, not always remembering to eat, rambles, mood swings, act confused.
I've had heart to heart talk with him, had the same conversation with our doctor with my husband being present.
His job search counsellor noticed that he is getting worse, our dear friends see the same decline as I do. I suggested to the doctor that maybe he had a stroke or he is depressed?
If he is depressed, I can understand what he is going through because at one point I was in and out of jobs for 4 years and I couldn't understand how I could have such bad luck that I can't find or keep a job, so I do understand that part he is going through. He could be suffering loss of self esteem and confidence. I know for me, it made me bitter/angry, and even though I moved on and met my husband and got a job, I will never forget those difficult years when I couldn't get a steady job. I wouldn't call that depression, but it was difficult. As for my husband, it will be almost 10 years of living in and out of employment. That alone can affect any normal human being.
He doesn't always sleep well but remember his name and mine. When he doesn't eat, sleep most of the day, he appears to be less functional.
I can't go to work and be at home at the same time to make sure he is living healthy life. He is not always proactive on job searching, I think he is having difficulty coming to terms that there is no future in his industry anymore and for financial reasons, I need him to be employed to help pay the rent. My income doesn't support both of us.
The doctor is right. You can't get help FOR him. Without his desire for help, it will all come to naught.
I'm a bit concerned about the doctor's lack of concern, though. It's a big enough problem that people besides you are noticing it (IOW, people who aren't as close to him as you are and less likely to notice tiny subtle things). If the doctor isn't sure, I would think they ought to refer you to someone who might better be able to help, unless there's something you don't know like your husband having privately told the doctor he's not interested in pursuing this further?
It's hard to smell and easy to hide. One shot = 1 beer.
I know someone who put vodka in plastic bags and sealed them jn zip-lock bags and hid them behind furniture before they were caught.
My BIL had a coworker who came into work every morning stone cold sober and was roaring drunk by lunchtime. They couldn't figure out how he was doing it.
It was vodka injected into oranges with a hypodermic needle.
As to the OPs problem - if there is dementia, you can have him declared incompetent and get medical power of attorney. If it is incipient dementia (eg not yet in full flower but only early warning signs) you'll have to wait until he is actually impaired to the point where even an idiot couldn't miss it, which, yes, is stupid, because early treatment for dementia is the only hope.
My dad had a doctor like that. My sister, who was abusing my dad and leeching off him, had gone to this guy with a sob story about how I was trying to take over and get all my dad's money (uh-uh, nope, couldn't have if I'd WANTED to because she already had cleaned him out). They guy even ignored it when my dad dropped down to 130 lbs (at 6' 2") while still under my sister's so-called "care".
I just stopped taking him to that guy. He wouldn't cooperate with me? FINE. I found someone who would.
Thank you silibran.
When we went to see the doctor, we expressed concert of alzheimer's or dementia. This is when the doctor did some tests and suggested a sleep test where we discovered he has severe sleep apnea. I've seen some improvement, but he doesn't use it daily (machine is noisy and not comfortable).
Again, I am feeling very frustrated and I need to know what is wrong with him so I can get him help. He doesn't think there is anything wrong, mostly. My observation is that he hasn't improved and other people who are in touch with him notice he isn't getting better, (unable to finish a sentence, rambles and cannot directly answer a question). I don't think this doctor is being truthful to me and I can see my husband getting worse. I can't seem to get anywhere and it is affecting my life, my work that I cannot afford to lose.
In Canada, it is getting worse that you are not allowed to get second opinion. When you sign up at doctor's office, they only want you to visit their clinics.
I do not appreciate any sarcastic remarks. I came on here hoping someone may have an answer or someone who've seen these similar situation with their family or friends.
I also trying to find a way how I can have this doctor be honest with me so that I can try to get him help.
Just maybe it is a combination of things, but I really need some honesty from this doctor so that I can move forward to help my husband.
Of course you can get a second opinion in Canada. But you are not entitled to information about your husband's health care and if he doesn't want you to know, seeing another doctor isn't going to change that. The only way you could change that is if he is not competent to make medical decisions. It sounds like he allows you to accompany him on appointments? If so, I don't see how the doctor could be "untruthful" with you as you and your husband would be hearing the same things. He may be stating things exactly as he sees them which doesn't mean he couldn't be wrong.
My husband has serious health issues and he will die from them. I am present at all of his appointments and bring up any concerns I have then. In the past I have brought concerns about my husband and also my parents to our then joint doctor but my intent was to make the doctor aware of things I thought my husband or my parents might not bring up, due to simply forgetting or not being sure how to word their concerns. But I never asked the doctor to violate his relationship with my parents/husband by discussing their health with me without their permission.
I agree that 15 beers a week is a lot but I'm not sure that makes a person an alcoholic.
If you suspect Alcohol look for empty vodka bottles in places he figures you would never look, check his drinks or water bottles which could be replaced with vodka.
I agree that 15 beers a week is a lot but I'm not sure that makes a person an alcoholic.
All this quibbling about "15 drinks a week is an alcoholic/isn't an alcoholic" misses a basic fact: Everybody is different.
The current thinking on alcohol is that no level of consumption is safe.
"Drinking alcohol in moderation is more harmful than previously thought, according to a new study that concludes there's no "safe" level of alcohol consumption."
The OP's spouse could have alcohol-induced brain damage or dementia caused by his drinking.
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