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Thank you all for your support. I only managed to sleep 3 hours today. Couldn't stop thinking about this.
Even though the ultrasound points to a lipoma, my gut feeling tells me this isn't good. There's definitely more to it.
Stop ruminating over this. It won’t change a thing. Let’s just say you have cancer. That doesn’t mean you will die from it. I had it 11 years ago, and I’m still fine. Today, you are alive, so don’t waste today.
Stop ruminating over this. It won’t change a thing. Let’s just say you have cancer. That doesn’t mean you will die from it. I had it 11 years ago, and I’m still fine. Today, you are alive, so don’t waste today.
Like I said, I will try to spend time with my family this Christmas. It might as well be the last.
Not being able to mention this to anyone until it's 100% clear is also tough.
Don't cancel your plans. You have no idea what the lump is, so why worry about it? Worrying won't change the nature of the lump, so plan to have a good time.
.
I won't be able to enjoy what I had planned and I will be a terrible company. I need to know the full extent of how bad this is.
I won't be going to my company's Christmas party this year.
I've had two lipomas... one on my back and one on my wrist. The lipomas themselves didn't hurt, but the one on my wrist would sometimes get tugged or whacked and I could feel something then. Lipomas are 99% non-cancerous and are basically just ugly to look at. I had both of mine surgically removed. They were both encapsulated and were able to be scooped out. It was an outpatient procedure at a local hospital. Recovery was quick. I found them about 15 years apart. Treatment changed in that time period. The doctor said because of the location of the second one on my wrist, we had to do it in a hospital, but he had done others in his office.
I know you're anxious. It's hard to relax when you're facing an unknown, but you have a probable diagnosis. It's no where near a death sentence.
I hope you are able to relax and enjoy this holiday season.
Of course not. I meant other plans around those days. The most difficult part will actually be having to pretend everything is okay in front of my family.
Why do you have to pretend anything? You're not a superhero. No need to act like one.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-29-2019 at 01:07 PM..
If it's indeed a lipoma and I need to have it removed, that's the least of my worries.
The thing is that I keep looking at the ultrasound images and it does have a bad look.
Are you a diagnosing radiologist? Revisiting an image over and over that can't resolve anything isn't helping you. The image isn't changing because you look at it.
Look, I am not trying to antagonize you but you are making it worse for yourself. I get it, believe me...I've been through multiple negative and two positive cancer diagnoses so far and understand. What DIDN'T help me get through those miserable days between imaging and biopsy results was doing what you are doing. Shutting off from daily life. Believe it or not there is comfort and distraction in everyday things. Even if the distraction is brief, it is still relief. No one expects you to be the life of the party, but being present will help. Turning away from people who could probably offer kindness and sympathy. Unless you aren't on great terms with all of them they do care and would love to help. There's nothing wrong and a lot right with accepting their help. It is one major thing people have to learn...to accept what others offer out of the goodness of their hearts. This event could strengthen the bonds you do have with them quite a bit. It is a reminder that all of us could be faced with trouble at any time. We ALL have these fears. Admitting them eases it for everyone, including you.
One thing I learned that did help was to "compartmentalize" it. I'd allow myself time to worry, grieve, fuss, whatever, but then I'd tell myself I'd done enough of it for that day/hour/night and lay it aside for something else. If I couldn't sleep, I'd break down and swallow a Tylenol PM and accept the relief. Give yourself a break, but make it a break, not a life. You don't need to deprive yourself of the worry entirely...that won't work. But you can control and separate it off from other things temporarily.
A counselor taught me a technique that helped me learn how to do this. Sounds weird, but it works. When I was facing unending worry and anxiety about something she suggested sitting down with a watch, pen and paper. At the top of each hour I was allowed 10 minutes to worry about everything and I could do NOTHING but worry. Worry as hard as I could, dredge up all the horrible what-ifs and anxieties and write down every single aspect of them on the pad. When that 10 minutes was up I had to stop. The idea is to gain control again. YOU determine when you can worry, the worry doesn't take you over. You permit it to happen, but on your terms. After doing this for a few days I found myself unable to fill that 10 minutes. I found that stopping life to worry once every hour was too much and not necessary. Try it.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-29-2019 at 02:27 PM..
I won't be saying anything to anyone until I am absolutely sure of what this is.
Again, why? You know you'll have some sort of surgery; minor or not minor. Its going to come out. You don't need to tell everyone everything. For those closer people, do you want to shock them? People often claim they don't want the other person to worry. Well, worry can be replaced by hurt and resentment. Sometimes people feel hurt if you keep important things secret too long. They resent not being allowed to help; as if you don't trust them. People around you might actually appreciate a bit of advance notice. They deserve time to prepare too, whether its just scheduling time to drive you home from a day surgery or dealing with some longer more involved treatment.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-29-2019 at 02:48 PM..
If it's indeed a lipoma and I need to have it removed, that's the least of my worries.
The thing is that I keep looking at the ultrasound images and it does have a bad look.
Everything on ultrasound pictures look like that to those not trained to read them.
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