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Old 11-13-2020, 12:12 AM
 
80 posts, read 20,917 times
Reputation: 85

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I recently decided to change my life. I got sick of being fat, not fitting in my nice clothes, and feeling unhealthy medically.

I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I've been skinny & fit, I've been chubby, now I'm overweight. I fluctuate.

I love desserts, stress eat, and eat out of boredom. I also love to cook and bake as a hobby. It is fun and relaxing.

I recently joined weight watchers and I love the program. It's a lifestyle, where even if you aren't perfect every day, it supports you. I've already lost weight and I'm motivated to get healthy. I mostly eat fruit, vegetables, and lean meats. It encourages eating healthy and making good choices. It also encourages point counting that let's you plan. If I eat French toast for breakfast, then I eat light for the rest of the day. I sometimes enjoy some chips and salsa, ice cream, and bread. But I plan, point count, and eat in moderation.

A colleague of mine lost over 100 pounds on it and she's inspired me. She relaxes on it during vacations and holidays, but sticks to it mostly everyday. Again, its not a restrictive diet. Its a lifestyle.

My mother has been very opinionated about my weight and eating habits my whole life. She truly and genuinely feels she is helping me be healthier, but sometimes she frustrates me with her comments.

She has good intentions, but I'm 29 and live on my own.

Now, whenever I mention eating something or go to eat something. Say a small chocolate, she'll make comments like the Weight Watchers police. "Is that on your diet?" Sometimes even telling me to put it down and not to eat it.

Its so annoying. I tell her that I'm managing it and doing well. She says "I know but you need motivation" I tell her I do not and I'm doing good on my own.

She'll tell me that no guy will want to date me like this. Its hurtful. She nicely tries to say that guys look first and she doesn't want a guy to judge me because I'm a wonderful woman.

I'm 215 pounds. I do look bad. But I finally motivated myself for this. At my lowest, I was 126. For my overall health, I should be anywhere from 125 to 140. I'm on the cusp of pre-diabetic and too too heavy.


Its a hit to my confidence. I'm really trying. She truly thinks she's helping me to lose weight.

I tell her I know what I'm doing and I'm fine. I follow the plan mostly etc...

If I want to eat anything remotely carb, like bread, she criticizes me and reminds me of my diet like I'm doing bad. Restriction always backfires on me. I can't make it last. Occasionally having bread or a sweet keeps me living healthier long term. I've already lost weight on WW.


Recently we were talking about Thanksgiving. I told her that I am excited to eat what I want that one day. The sides are so good. WW promotes it and my friend who lost 100+ pounds says she enjoys Thanksgiving, and gets back on it the next day. My plan too.

My mother then starts saying how I need to stick to it on Thanksgiving. I tell her that I am going to enjoy my Thanksgiving with all the food. She starts telling me all the food is too carb heavy and I need to pick what sides I want and which I don't. I tell her I want to have a bit of it all. She says no, and how I need to only pick two and not the rest, and starts listing them. I get mad and tell her that I'm on the plan, and not her, and that she needs to back off because she isn't on WW and has never been on it to know. I tell her I'm on the app and she isn't. She got so mad and now won't speak to me.

I'm just so sick of her trying to be WW. She isn't on it and doesn't know it. I've been doing good. I want some Thanksgiving stuffing. If I want little bits to taste it all, then I will. And I don't want the WW police constantly making comments.
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Old 11-13-2020, 06:19 AM
 
1,613 posts, read 2,160,506 times
Reputation: 7998
Why do you continue to discuss this with her? If you live away from your mom, why are you tolerating her comments? Your response should be, “Mom, I’m responsible for what I eat. I will no longer discuss this with you.” Change the subject. If she continues, end the conversation.
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Old 11-13-2020, 06:36 AM
 
Location: Central Florida
2,622 posts, read 3,266,357 times
Reputation: 11173
^^^See the above.

If you don't tell her what you eat, she won't criticize it. Stop talking about it.
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Old 11-13-2020, 07:08 AM
 
4,142 posts, read 1,749,577 times
Reputation: 10701
Yes, but the OP still needs to get through Thanksgiving if she'll be with her family. And, as someone who monitors my weight carefully and lives mostly on rabbit food, I understand indulging on Thanksgiving- I plan to as well, and then get right back to my healthier habits.

I agree with not discussing eating with Mom but if the OP is having a meal with her or eating a mini-candy bar when she's around and Mom starts nagging, maybe she could say something like, "Mom, one of the things that makes me overeat is stress, and what you're saying is adding to my stress levels. It's not helping." And change the subject.
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Old 11-13-2020, 07:13 AM
 
55 posts, read 9,249 times
Reputation: 167
You are a grown woman and can choose how to live your life. If your mom or anyone else is making comments that you are not comfortable with, it's important to be honest and let them now. The only person you need to please is YOU.
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Old 11-13-2020, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Central IL
17,335 posts, read 10,613,450 times
Reputation: 41123
Yes, avoid any mention of your diet. And if she does comment, just say, "Thanks, Mom - I'll keep that in mind." and then do exactly as you please without another word and no more responses to her.

You do need to get out from under her thumb and a big part of that is simply not engaging with her.
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Old 11-13-2020, 10:05 AM
 
80 posts, read 20,917 times
Reputation: 85
Tried to talk to her about it. She's in denial. She literally said she didn't tell me to pick two foods. She did. I wrote this post right after it happened. I have a perfect memory. Almost photographic.

She claims she was just telling me to make better choices that day. No, she was telling me what to do. It wasn't all nice nice like she was helping. It was, no you shouldn't eat all of it because it's too many carbs. After the fact she thinks she is so nice. She doesn't see that she criticizes.

She claims she wasn't bossing me, and I could do what I want, but she was just trying to tell me that it isn't advisable for a person on a diet to eat all that carb heavy food. My mother is in medicine.

I tell her that my friend who lost 100+ pounds enjoys holidays and vacations as she pleases and has all along, which helped her lose the weight. My mom claims, well yeah but she lost the 100, you haven't. I tell her that the lifestyle is flexible to help people stay on it.

She keeps saying, "you brought it up"

Yeah I said, I can't wait to eat all the good Thanksgiving food. Not that I need to diet on Thanksgiving.

She jumped to talking about carbs and not eating everything.
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Old 11-13-2020, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Mr. Roger's Neighborhood
2,109 posts, read 651,285 times
Reputation: 5497
The best way to handle it might be to not bring up food or eating at all when talking with your mother. Keep Thanksgiving and other holiday talk about food to what you're bringing for the potluck, then move on to another, less dangerous topic. If she tries to bring it back up in order to grill you about your eating habits, try to disengage as best as you can.

In terms of stress/boredom eating, hopefully that's something that you're in the process of addressing. Getting to the root causes of why you do it might help you to maintain your weight loss for the long haul.

Best of luck in your new lifestyle journey!

Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 11-13-2020 at 11:05 AM..
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Old 11-13-2020, 10:28 AM
 
1,613 posts, read 2,160,506 times
Reputation: 7998
Ok, you obviously like going around with her about this. Good luck with your changes.
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Old 11-13-2020, 12:11 PM
 
8,644 posts, read 4,201,012 times
Reputation: 22600
When you cannot stand what the person is saying, Reframe it and echoe it back to them for better clarity.

My Niece is on weight watchers and god bless her for keeping a journal. She still uses the point system as that works for her.

If anyone questions her choices she dutifully gets out her chart and see's if that is a point for or against her nutritional plan.

She doesn't do an ENTIRE DAY of sabotaging her life style eating habits. She will pick a particular meal and save her points for it. The "This or THAT" approach works in delighting in the meal and not feeling she is harming her new regime.

Moderation and choices can be had in even snacks.

Since I do not know your mother I simply would be of no use speaking ill of her to conjole your perspective.
I'd suggest just as you are inserting new food choices , insert a different tactic in how you respond to her.

You bet your bottom dollar when my niece is sliding into some "iffy " territory of choices I ask her how that fits into her journal for the day. She sometimes gives the...hmmmm....your right! Or Ya Know Aunt Nov, I think I banked two points so that cinnamon bun is okay today. Mind you we are both pretty easy on one another since we have that regard of Looking out for one another and not against one another.

I applaud you for choosing a different nutrition regime. May you continue on that journey with consistent results.
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