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Old 11-29-2009, 04:05 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,753 posts, read 22,860,695 times
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Has she signed a lease on the rental?
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Old 11-29-2009, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Greenwood Village, Colorado
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Most can't be helped, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy helping them. Is it you that wants to help them or do they want help. Most are in denial that they need help even the ones who pretend to be aware that they need help, depending on the personality end up slipping back.

Good luck, but it's like prying a 500 pound man from a brownie.
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Old 11-29-2009, 04:13 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,173,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Has she signed a lease on the rental?
Yes, she has. That is why I don't know how to proceed. She signed a rent to own sort of deal. The landlord seems to be quite demanding to the point of insisting she move in to prevent vandalism.

Again, yes, she will be out the money and she has no money. Still, it's better at this point to listen to her shrink I am thinking.
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Old 11-29-2009, 04:16 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,551 posts, read 9,893,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cupcake77 View Post
Most can't be helped, you end up wasting a lot of time and energy helping them. Is it you that wants to help them or do they want help. Most are in denial that they need help even the ones who pretend to be aware that they need help, depending on the personality end up slipping back.

Good luck, but it's like prying a 500 pound man from a brownie.

Yeah....I have been to hell and back with my husband and I don't know why he is still alive and why we are even ok. They will put everything and I mean everything in the world on the line for a bottle. They would run their own mother over for a bottle.
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Old 11-29-2009, 04:22 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,173,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
I'm speaking from experience, only a true friend would tell her that you recognize the she has a serious problem, and it's time to decide how to resolve that...but that you will no longer enable her.
Tough love!!
She will love you for saving her life.
I think she knows she has a serious problem, but it doesn't help. I honestly think if her roommate were to walk on this whole deal it might be the best thing for her. Her dog could go live somewhere else for a while. The cat? Who knows?

She's already lost everything before. She's already died once.

I wish I were not involved in this. Yet, she has the best heart, so it's really tough not to be.
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Old 11-29-2009, 06:35 PM
 
Location: Greenwood Village, Colorado
2,185 posts, read 3,910,692 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
I think she knows she has a serious problem, but it doesn't help. I honestly think if her roommate were to walk on this whole deal it might be the best thing for her. Her dog could go live somewhere else for a while. The cat? Who knows?

She's already lost everything before. She's already died once.

I wish I were not involved in this. Yet, she has the best heart, so it's really tough not to be.

My brother is good looking and one of the nicest guys around, he is also very charaismatic. But he is an alcoholic and he ruins people lives around him. Everytime anyone has tired to help him they end up screwed and disappointed in him. He is always borrowing money, can't keeop a job, living with other people so he has a roof over his head. Borrowed over 100k off our dad just to pay for his apartment and drink. My dad was afraid to stop giving him money because he didn't want him dead and on the street.

There is only so much you can do for these people. I know I sound cold, but honestly. move on because they will only bring you down with them.
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:12 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,173,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cupcake77 View Post
My brother is good looking and one of the nicest guys around, he is also very charaismatic. But he is an alcoholic and he ruins people lives around him. Everytime anyone has tired to help him they end up screwed and disappointed in him. He is always borrowing money, can't keeop a job, living with other people so he has a roof over his head. Borrowed over 100k off our dad just to pay for his apartment and drink. My dad was afraid to stop giving him money because he didn't want him dead and on the street.

There is only so much you can do for these people. I know I sound cold, but honestly. move on because they will only bring you down with them.

Her own roommate is ready to move on which I think sucks. She has looked out for his interests and now he is ready to bail. I called the hospital and she is recovering from surgery. At this point, I won't get on her case (today). She needs a bit of slack to recover. But things must change.

If she loses her job, there is nothing I can do about that. I won't take her in. She will just have to go to a halfway house. You're right. I can't let her take me down with her.

Still, she was once in halfway house and kicked out. I just don't know what the answer is.
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Old 11-29-2009, 07:41 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,753 posts, read 22,860,695 times
Reputation: 17538
Counseling for yourself is an option as well, they'll only confirm what you've
already heard. I know I've told you this before, I'll say it again.....

Theres no sanity in these friendships.

You deserve friendships minus the constant rescue and drama.

Share a meal and normal conversation without the focus on someones addiction.
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Old 11-29-2009, 08:45 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,173,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Counseling for yourself is an option as well, they'll only confirm what you've
already heard. I know I've told you this before, I'll say it again.....

Theres no sanity in these friendships.

You deserve friendships minus the constant rescue and drama.

Share a meal and normal conversation without the focus on someones addiction
.
I do that each week at my Toastmasters meeting. I am working on public speaking skills. These people are all "normal" sans the drama.

There is no sanity in these friendships, yet I feel the need to not let her down in her time of need. I just spoke to her roommate and it made me feel nauseated. I, myself, am out of sleeping pills or I'd just take one and sleep.

As to counseling, yes. I agree. Right now this whole situation is making me sick. I am being sucked in whether I want to or not. I just don't see how I can walk away from a friend in need, but I can't let this get the best of me. Thanks for being in my corner.
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Old 12-01-2009, 01:46 PM
ttz
 
Location: Western WA
679 posts, read 1,464,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Counseling for yourself is an option as well, they'll only confirm what you've
already heard. I know I've told you this before, I'll say it again.....

Theres no sanity in these friendships.

You deserve friendships minus the constant rescue and drama.

Share a meal and normal conversation without the focus on someones addiction.
You are spot on. I was in a similar situation with someone I cared about who has a severe addiction. It took over my life and would talk to everyone who would listen about her addiction. I had to draw the line and put an end to the madness. Tough love.
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