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Old 11-29-2009, 02:33 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,159,338 times
Reputation: 1452

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My friend is in the hospital with a broken leg today having surgery after tripping and falling over a cord while moving. She had been drinking all day and has a history of DUIs and even a heart attack, wherein she died and was revived. This was a few years ago.

She just signed a rental agreement on a new place. Her shrink told her previously to go into a halfway house. Her roommate is ready to walk. He has a place to go and can't deal with her any longer. At this point, I just need to know what to say to her.

She'll be out of work for some time. She is already in trouble at work. Part of her job involves driving and she broke her right leg. This is a very bad situation.

I am going to call her in a few hours and should come up with some sort of plan. The place she is moving into really isn't fit to live. Yeah, if she bails on the contract she'll lose a lot of money, but to go into a halfway house could save her life. What is the worst a landlord can do? They already have her money and have made enough to tide them over to find a new tenant. I just don't know what to do. Like the show Intervention, it's always best to get someone to agree to some sort of help when they are down and out. I am not a fan of halfway houses, but....

She could lose her possessions in the process. This has happened to her before. Damn this addiction stuff.

This whole situation has made me crazy. I have tried to distance myself from it but now she needs help. I just don't know what to say. And please only constructive posts. This isn't about me, rather her and right now I need to help her.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:36 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
1,917 posts, read 4,228,926 times
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Have you ever watched Intervention?
You and her other friends and family have to tell her she can go into a treatment center and get help with her drinking, or she is on her own, and will receive no help whatsoever from any of you...and you have to stick to your guns about it. Hopefully, she will realize the severity of her problem and agree to get help...if she doesn't and loses everything...then that's on her..she has to hit rock bottom to want the help.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:41 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,159,338 times
Reputation: 1452
Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
Have you ever watched Intervention?
You and her other friends and family have to tell her she can go into a treatment center and get help with her drinking, or she is on her own, and will receive no help whatsoever from any of you...and you have to stick to your guns about it. Hopefully, she will realize the severity of her problem and agree to get help.
The problem with treatment centers is they are mostly 12 step. However, there is a place she looked into that is far from where she lives BUT she was interested in it. She just doesn't know how she could do the daytime appointments. She has a job.

At this point I am thinking halfway house, although it's drastic. But do I say go to a halfway house when she is in a hospital bed? I have no idea what to say to her other than I asked her how she broke her leg and she was vague.

She has lied about her drinking. I know that. She needs *something.*

And, yes, I have watched Intervention. Good show.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:45 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,727 posts, read 22,792,408 times
Reputation: 17488
Its nice your supportive, but your still rescuing, remember your boundaries.
Hope the surgery went well, she should go from the hospital, into a program
where she can live, attend meetings and even work.
There here where I live , I would assume most cities have a program or two.


Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
My friend is in the hospital with a broken leg today having surgery after tripping and falling over a cord while moving. She had been drinking all day and has a history of DUIs and even a heart attack, wherein she died and was revived. This was a few years ago.

She just signed a rental agreement on a new place. Her shrink told her previously to go into a halfway house. Her roommate is ready to walk. He has a place to go and can't deal with her any longer. At this point, I just need to know what to say to her.

She'll be out of work for some time. She is already in trouble at work. Part of her job involves driving and she broke her right leg. This is a very bad situation.

I am going to call her in a few hours and should come up with some sort of plan. The place she is moving into really isn't fit to live. Yeah, if she bails on the contract she'll lose a lot of money, but to go into a halfway house could save her life. What is the worst a landlord can do? They already have her money and have made enough to tide them over to find a new tenant. I just don't know what to do. Like the show Intervention, it's always best to get someone to agree to some sort of help when they are down and out. I am not a fan of halfway houses, but....

She could lose her possessions in the process. This has happened to her before. Damn this addiction stuff.

This whole situation has made me crazy.
I have tried to distance myself from it but now she needs help. I just don't know what to say. And please only constructive posts. This isn't about me, rather her and right now I need to help her.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:48 PM
 
Location: SE Florida
392 posts, read 941,790 times
Reputation: 510
Here is my abbreviated response and opinion. I have tremendous experience in a non-professional setting in dealing with addiction of others. I have tried to help many people with their addictions in various ways throughout my life. As I've developed a knack or feel for this, there are generally two openings one can go with. One you hope for, the second you are left with no choice.

1. If the person is aware they have a problem, AND, they have a conscious about, feel guilty about it, are not a naturally selfish self centered type person and care about those they are hurting, you can use this as leverage to create a wedge and wake up call. These types usually will, or can respond well to guilt. Use this leverage against them wisely and you can have good results.

2. If they are more leaning towards being a sociopath, don't care for anyone else but themselves, will feed their addiction without reservation, etc, then they will need to hit bottom a few times before they can respond. You will have to give them the boot and cut off all assistance and ties and let them wallow in their addiction until they crash and burn.

I helped and tried to help a few fellow artists over the years with addiction. One from each category above. The first was able to be helped and overcame his addiction. The second had to be booted out and thrown to the wolves. He stole from me, and them blamed me when he was left out in the cold, literally. But last I heard, he bounced off the ground a few times and recovered.

I wish you luck, it's not easy dealing with this.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:49 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,159,338 times
Reputation: 1452
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Its nice your supportive, but your still rescuing, remember your boundaries.
Hope the surgery went well, she should go from the hospital, into a program
where she can live, attend meetings and even work.
There here where I live , I would assume most cities have a program or two.
Ok, that's a good idea. I'm just worried about the practicalities of getting around. I don't know if her insurance covers in-patient, although she could use it. There is another out-patient program but, again, the driving issue. Egads, what a mess.

I had a very bad feeling about yesterday. I just didn't know it would come to this. Had I gone over there, maybe her leg would not be broken. I could have controlled things. Well, I could call halfway houses but what about a broken leg?

Oh well, yes, boundaries. Thanks.
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Old 11-29-2009, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
1,917 posts, read 4,228,926 times
Reputation: 2500
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Its nice your supportive, but your still rescuing, remember your boundaries.
Hope the surgery went well, she should go from the hospital, into a program
where she can live, attend meetings and even work.
There here where I live , I would assume most cities have a program or two.
I agree.

OP..if you want her to stop drinking she must live the lifestyle of a non-drinker 24/7 for quite some time....and she can only do that in a treatment center. Any other way isn't going to help her looking at her history...and if she refuses that, you should completely distance yourself....you are already embedded in her problem, and that will only get worse.
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Old 11-29-2009, 03:00 PM
 
4,247 posts, read 9,159,338 times
Reputation: 1452
Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
I agree.

OP..if you want her to stop drinking she must live the lifestyle of a non-drinker 24/7 for quite some time....and she can only do that in a treatment center. Any other way isn't going to help her looking at her history...and if she refuses that, you should completely distance yourself....you are already embedded in her problem, and that will only get worse.
Yes, I am already embedded in her problem but now is no time to bail. If it were me in that hospital bed, I'd need all the friends I could get.

I don't know what to say when I talk to her. She is already wishy-washy as to the cause of the broken leg. She is in a vulnerable state right now. So how can I come down with the velvet glove? I asked her how long she'd be in the hospital and she did not know. I guess I just try to tell her to get some rest?

Yikes. I have to figure something out. The only thing I can figure out is for her to go into a halfway house. This woman is very bright and has been through the gamut. I am really agreeing with her shrink, but still she just plopped down a couple thousand dollars on this new rental. She doesn't have any other money. I don't know what the landlord could do. What I do know is she needs help! I just want to do the right thing.
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Old 11-29-2009, 03:02 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,727 posts, read 22,792,408 times
Reputation: 17488
You said shes lost everything previously, she might have to lose everything once more and that may include her job.

I'm certain without employment shes qualified for Medicaid. In a program she can start to rebuild again, its sad to watch, but things are just things. Her recovery is much more important.

Once shes in a program, you can visit and be supportive, but like I said remember the boundaries.

If she has no family, if you should go to the hospital, you can ask to speak with a social worker who can help her, if you should, I'd keep it to myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by movin'on View Post
Ok, that's a good idea. I'm just worried about the practicalities of getting around. I don't know if her insurance covers in-patient, although she could use it. There is another out-patient program but, again, the driving issue. Egads, what a mess.

I had a very bad feeling about yesterday. I just didn't know it would come to this. Had I gone over there, maybe her leg would not be broken. I could have controlled things. Well, I could call halfway houses but what about a broken leg?

Oh well, yes, boundaries. Thanks.
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Old 11-29-2009, 03:03 PM
 
Location: Southern NC
1,917 posts, read 4,228,926 times
Reputation: 2500
I'm speaking from experience, only a true friend would tell her that you recognize the she has a serious problem, and it's time to decide how to resolve that...but that you will no longer enable her.
Tough love!!
She will love you for saving her life.
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