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Old 10-19-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Inland Empire
2,450 posts, read 2,084,500 times
Reputation: 1872

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There is no such thing as a spousal disagreement when it comes to the home. The hard and fast rule that has existed since Eve ate the apple is, the wife has 100% say on what is done with the house. If you plan to live with her for a long time, forget your fancy degree and realize happy relationships aren't decided by who has the framed degree on the wall.
You get the garage, and maybe even the yard, but forget any idea about having any say in the house.
If you are planning a long future together, take up golf or drinking, and never again open your mouth about how the home will be decorated. Even if you win, you lose..! You are skating on thin ice if you want a happy marriage. You may win the battle, but you will surely lose the war... Bite the bullet, grin and bear it, you have no chance in this discussion..
Also, I agree with her, sounds like she is the one with good taste..
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:13 PM
 
3,715 posts, read 3,174,691 times
Reputation: 5698
Whoever gets the pick of how the kitchen will be designed will have to do all the cooking!

Or if you do all the cooking, then your choice, as it is your workspace.

If she does all the cooking, then her choice, as it is her workspace.

If 50/50, then draw a line down the middle of the kitchen, decorate your side as you see fit, she can decorate her side as she sees fit. Make sure you get the refrigerator and microwave side!
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Far from where I'd like to be
25,613 posts, read 32,424,040 times
Reputation: 37730
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410 View Post
I really do want to respect her opionion but I wish she would put more trust in me as I have an education in architecture and work in the design field.
Your education doesn't mean squat. Drop that superior attitude immediately if you want to stay married; if you insist that your opinion is more valuable than hers, I wouldn't blame her for resenting and then dumping you.

Your wife likes what she likes. End of story.

So what you need to do is compromise. Who does all the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen? What alternatives to stainless steel and granite can you suggest to her that are more palatable to you? What does she like that you also like, and how can you work that into the project?
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,154 posts, read 9,534,971 times
Reputation: 3505
Let's see, it took us 15 years before we both agreed on our kitchen remodel. One point of disagreement was I wanted to move one wall 4" so it could accommodate 36" refrigerators, even though ours is 33". In order to accommodate extending a counter, a window needed to be made one foot smaller in height. The wife didn't want a smaller window, but offered no solution to the problem. We finally agreed to make it a bay window. So yes, there are disagreements. You need to be able to compromise.

As for being an architect, my brother is one too. He is more into modern design, not something we'd be interested for our house. However, when he had his own firm, he would design to the client's wishes. I'd guess your wife would never hire you as an architect because your design tastes don't match hers. Just because her tastes don't match yours, doesn't make them inferior. There's nothing wrong with a character house having a modern kitchen inside. It may appeal to more individuals in respect to resale.
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Hmmm, let me think.
3,273 posts, read 4,423,214 times
Reputation: 2640
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nayabone View Post
There is no such thing as a spousal disagreement when it comes to the home. The hard and fast rule that has existed since Eve ate the apple is, the wife has 100% say on what is done with the house. If you plan to live with her for a long time, forget your fancy degree and realize happy relationships aren't decided by who has the framed degree on the wall.
You get the garage, and maybe even the yard, but forget any idea about having any say in the house.
If you are planning a long future together, take up golf or drinking, and never again open your mouth about how the home will be decorated. Even if you win, you lose..! You are skating on thin ice if you want a happy marriage. You may win the battle, but you will surely lose the war... Bite the bullet, grin and bear it, you have no chance in this discussion..
Also, I agree with her, sounds like she is the one with good taste..

Seriously... as much as it is difficult to admit it. This is the best answer. Newly married couples crack me up.
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Old 10-19-2012, 12:57 PM
 
718 posts, read 736,321 times
Reputation: 973
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nayabone View Post
There is no such thing as a spousal disagreement when it comes to the home. The hard and fast rule that has existed since Eve ate the apple is, the wife has 100% say on what is done with the house. If you plan to live with her for a long time, forget your fancy degree and realize happy relationships aren't decided by who has the framed degree on the wall.
You get the garage, and maybe even the yard, but forget any idea about having any say in the house.
If you are planning a long future together, take up golf or drinking, and never again open your mouth about how the home will be decorated. Even if you win, you lose..! You are skating on thin ice if you want a happy marriage. You may win the battle, but you will surely lose the war... Bite the bullet, grin and bear it, you have no chance in this discussion..
Also, I agree with her, sounds like she is the one with good taste..
Thats an intersting take on it... But when im the one doing 95% of the work on the renovation and im the one that does 70% of the cooking, I feel I should be able to have my opinion on how its done.

I liked the idea of treating her as a client and trying to lead her towards a smart decision.

We actually have a very balanced relationship and come to comprimises often, the only thing that makes this a little harder is the fact that this can be considered an opinion based arguement and I feel I am more educated about the topic to make a better decision.
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Old 10-19-2012, 01:09 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,154 posts, read 9,534,971 times
Reputation: 3505
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris410 View Post
We actually have a very balanced relationship and come to comprimises often, the only thing that makes this a little harder is the fact that this can be considered an opinion based arguement and I feel I am more educated about the topic to make a better decision.
This is your main problem. Because you think this, you'll always find your tastes are a better decision, when in fact, her tastes are just as valid. To test this, find an architect friend, who has different design tastes than you. I'll bet he'll come up with a design concept different from both you and your wife. In theory, his decisions are as good as yours since he is more educated about the topic. So you should be willing to go along with his ideas according to your logic.
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Old 10-19-2012, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan and Sometimes Orange County CA
15,819 posts, read 32,492,749 times
Reputation: 11878
Simple just say "Wife you have no taste and you are a sheep and a slave to marketing and psychological manipulation." I will provide you with a tasteful and chraming house. You just come and add your charm and beauty and it will be perfect.

Another solution that works well, agree with her wholeheartedly, but then go and buy the house that you want anyway.

You could just find reasons that the shiney new junk house is impractical. Bad neighbors, bad schools, to snotty and area, poor quality constuction. . . .


I think I will take a new career as a marriage counseller.
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Old 10-19-2012, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh area
9,891 posts, read 10,198,053 times
Reputation: 4708
Quote:
Originally Posted by Squirl View Post
My advice, FWIW, pretend she is a client and wants a beautiful kitchen. If she likes stone countertops, get alot of samples and bring them home for her to select among. Get marble, soapstone, quartz, stainless steel, tile, stained concrete, or any others that you feel you could live with and let her choose among them. Same for appliances, cabinetry, lighting, etc. do up some sample sketches. This is your profession, so be a professional and develop a design your client will enjoy that fits the house using textures and variations that appeal to those who live there. Treat her like a client and guide her towards a good solution. Son't be part of the decision this time...you have a ton of control if you work the design. You are an artist, so practice your art... So much of the work you have been trained to do requires managing your client.....so do it.
This seems like a good plan. Either this or have a third party design it.

You do have to let go of the "more educated about the topic" stuff. A lot of the choices here are cosmetic, and while I don't disagree that such things play a part in your profession, there is a whole lot of personal preference in this and indeed in many parts of architecture and design. You may have the skills and education, but that doesn't mean your aesthetic preferences are automatically "better" than hers just because they are informed by your skills. Clients may defer to your perceived expertise in that way. Your wife, not so much!
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Old 10-19-2012, 01:29 PM
 
1,582 posts, read 1,513,592 times
Reputation: 931
@ Chris (OP). Your problem is that your degree in architecture leads you to believe that you have better taste than others (specifically, your wife). It's subjective and an opinion, not a fact.

Respect her opinion and use your creativity and architectural knowledge to figure out how to incorporate materials that your wife likes, with a style/ design that you like. I'm sure it's not easy, but as an architect, you should be up for it. BTW, I'm a man and partly agree with you, while my wife is like yours.
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