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I read your post with a great deal of interest. I have been in the middle of a "stuff" dilemma for a few years and can't seem to find my way out of it.
My mother had a huge china collection - all sorts, from vases to sets of china, to platters, teacups/saucers, Wedgwood this and that, 4 sets of sterling silver, needlepoint pictures done by her, etc.etc. Guess where it all is.
I am having a lot of trouble separating the sentimental value of all this from the practicality of needing to downsize. I was a bit of a collector myself in past years so some of the stuff is my fault, but is all in addition to that which I inherited.
The children don't want it, other than emotionally. I am still storing a set of Haviland china for my daughter, bequeathed to her by my mother but never having made it to her house (now she's thousands of miles away).
The size of the chore ahead is starting to get to me and I hardly know where to start. We are in a remote area with no antique, thrift, we-come-and-take-it, or other such avenues for the stuff. And I would have a hard time figuring out what to keep and what to do something else with anyway. I seem to be stuck in "full house" land with sentimental value clouding my mind as to what to do.
I emphasize.
Believe me, I get it.
I finally had to ask myself "Why am I saving this stuff and for who?" I realized that I'd like to save one small item for each grandchild and let that be it - if my own adult kids don't want this stuff enough to come get it, and I don't want it cluttering up my house, then I need to just get rid of it.
We are going to have an estate sale and what's not sold is going to be hauled off. I have one brother - who was JUST DOWN HERE WITH A TRUCK AND TRAILER AND DIDN'T TAKE HARDLY ANYTHING BACK WITH HIM - who tried to say "Now, Kathryn, you know I really want the blah blah blah and the yada yada yada so what I need to do is send you a list and you can take it up to the barn in _____ and I'll come get it later. But now - the blah blah blah is sort of delicate so whey you pack it up be sure you wrap it up well and ..." At that point I interrupted him and said, "Hey. You're giving me a list of tasks to do and the thing is, you could have done them yourself just a few weeks ago and didn't. So here's what I'm willing to do. I'm willing to take a few small boxes of items out to my car and put them in the back of my car and take them - NEXT TIME I GO - NOT A SPECIAL TRIP - up to ____. I will not be packing them carefully. Forget the china - I'm not wrapping it up, I'm not packing it up, and I'm not lugging those boxes - if you want it, come down here and get it, otherwise it's going to be sold in the estate sale or given away. This month. Anyway, no, I'm not packing anything up extra special for you or picking up anything that weighs more than, oh, 10 pounds. I'm a middle aged woman. You are ten years younger than me. That's just how it is going to be. Let it go."
I am not the "Keeper of Heirlooms." If this stuff isn't something I want to use in my own daily life, I'm not keeping it on the off chance that someone two or three generations from now may want it. Too bad.
I'm afraid I AM the "Keeper of Heirlooms," but I don't want to be. I don't have brothers or sisters. Two children who aren't the least bit interested, except as I said, emotionally. One grandchild who'll never be interested in this stuff, two other grandchildren who received great gobs of stuff when their granny died - most of it dissipated somehow (however that's not something I should get excited about, but I do).
Oh well, it felt good to have a little rant, and I suppose I should get a bit pragmatic, like you, and do something positive. I just hate to put a price on all that stuff and sell it - my mother's things that she saved for and loved so much. Oh well.........
I'm afraid I AM the "Keeper of Heirlooms," but I don't want to be. I don't have brothers or sisters. Two children who aren't the least bit interested, except as I said, emotionally. One grandchild who'll never be interested in this stuff, two other grandchildren who received great gobs of stuff when their granny died - most of it dissipated somehow (however that's not something I should get excited about, but I do).
Oh well, it felt good to have a little rant, and I suppose I should get a bit pragmatic, like you, and do something positive. I just hate to put a price on all that stuff and sell it - my mother's things that she saved for and loved so much. Oh well.........
This is how I think about it:
My dad is gone. My mom doesn't want this stuff. My brothers are welcome to any of it, but they need to come get it. My kids don't want it. "Someone, some day" might want it but am I willing to haul all this stuff around, store it, maintain it, etc. just hoping someone in the family might want it one day?
My dad was a hoarder. He saved anything that had any family history to it. Oh my gosh, we are awash with stuff! I mean, TOO MUCH OF EVERTYTHING. I'm just not keeping all this.
I have my items but I'm getting rid of a lot of this stuff. I don't want to live in a memorial or a museum. I just my house to be pleasant and full of good karma - not three or four sets of china, boxes and boxes of family records, etc. I am not going to rent a storage unit to put stuff in either.
I'm agnostic, but I might try this out! We're moving in June, and there's just so much STUFF. And so much of it is STUFF that we don't see in a year, let alone use. I might not donate it all (trust me, they don't want the left-over, half-filled bottles of travel size shampoo/body wash/etc, or the half-full bottle of cat shampoo that we've used maybe once in the last two years), but even a full trash bag of trash to throw away is that much less to move. I just have to convince myself that it's okay to throw it away. I wouldn't say I'm hoarder level, but it's a good thing we move every few years.
My dad is gone. My mom doesn't want this stuff. My brothers are welcome to any of it, but they need to come get it. My kids don't want it. "Someone, some day" might want it but am I willing to haul all this stuff around, store it, maintain it, etc. just hoping someone in the family might want it one day?
My dad was a hoarder. He saved anything that had any family history to it. Oh my gosh, we are awash with stuff! I mean, TOO MUCH OF EVERTYTHING. I'm just not keeping all this.
I have my items but I'm getting rid of a lot of this stuff. I don't want to live in a memorial or a museum. I just my house to be pleasant and full of good karma - not three or four sets of china, boxes and boxes of family records, etc. I am not going to rent a storage unit to put stuff in either.
AUGH.
If you don't want it, your sibs/kids won't take it.....just donate or toss it. So much of this stuff gets dumped on anyone who will actually take it out of guilt or some other need.
When this stuff starts interferring with your life, your space and your comfort get rid of it and maybe it will fulfill some strangers' need.
If you don't want it, your sibs/kids won't take it.....just donate or toss it.
This ^^^^
Stop worrying about being wasteful and start thinking about how your life would be improved if you had more space and/or less stuff to clean around. The trash police are not going to arrest you if you throw away your mother's dishes that no one will buy and no one wants, not even Goodwill!
True, it may hurt for a few minutes, like when you first rip off a band aid. Then the pain is gone.
Also, as to the Lent thing: you don't have to be religious. You could call it spring cleaning or anything you want: Trudy's Thursday Toss . . . whatever! Have fun.
The ARC thrift store calls about every 6 to 8 weeks, I try to put out at least one or two bags each time.
Since I'm now working on the basement I've recently been putting out more.
I did a decluttering right after college. I donated/recycled/trashed 20 large trashbags of stuff. I had read a book that was the motivation for this big decluttering. There were a bunch of different tasks, and this was one of them. Another was cleaning out that "junk drawer" that everyone has. Since then, I've managed to keep my belongings clutter free, although, my weakness is clothes, and I've bought quite a bit more than I've worn.
If you don't want it, your sibs/kids won't take it.....just donate or toss it. So much of this stuff gets dumped on anyone who will actually take it out of guilt or some other need.
When this stuff starts interferring with your life, your space and your comfort get rid of it and maybe it will fulfill some strangers' need.
It's still tough cleaning out mom's house. Thankfully, I had sever other relatives helping.
I regret tossing a few small things which I could have easily kept.
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