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That's a good point. I just feel like he would be so angry with me. We put everything we had into purchasing this house. And I think he would think I was incredibly ungrateful. He takes everything so personally, like me not liking the area is HIS fault even if I don't mean it that way. But I really appreciate your perspective. Maybe it a few months I could talk about how I wish he was home with us more..
does he beat you ? this is a serious question .. you seem very afraid of him .. this is an anonymous forum ...
I really don't feel like I was whining! More like expressing unhappiness in a anonymous way since I can't really voice this to my husband/family and asking for advice. This town has no groups.. no real community.. a PTA that's not very active. It's very isolating.. anyway just asking for advice from sympathetic people who have been in this situation or might have some ideas. Not looking for snark or cheap shots at an unhappy mom.. thanks.
Don't worry about the whining comment. People need to share unhappiness and if someone doesn't want to hear they can go post their Hallmark moments on facebook. I really hate that whole "we must be happy every second" in our dealings with other people or risk being called negative nancy's. Its so dismissive. No wonder people retreat, lose their minds, commit suicide, they aren't allowed to communicate or ask for advice.
Not much advice, its hard to know who you are (city vs. suburban vs. rural) until you've tried it, so now you know That said sometimes people change with time. Who knows, the quiet may grow on you without realizing and you'll sell up go back to town and think omg!
Meanwhile you can: do a cost estimate on how much you think you would lose by moving back; house sale, moving costs etc. and see whether you can hack the loss. No point in being miserable for any longer than you have to if you are going to do it at some point anyway. Why waste the years? If you can't hack the loss you can see how close you are and how long you have to save.
Two you can as suggested try to find things to make you happy. Develop some interests supported by your location like gardening or quilting vs. whatever it is people do in cities (I'm not a city person). Is there 4H around? Once you have interests if their are no groups to be part of try starting some on meet up or craigslist. Sometimes it takes awhile to find parks and places. Keep looking, keep an eye out, check county web pages etc. Normally I don't take the paper but in a smaller community it might be wise. See if there are any online community news sites.
Check your library and librarian too. I love libraries and reading in general. Sometimes they have book clubs and bulletin boards. Children read rooms if you are a mom with children programs.
It's got to be hard to be an extrovert living rurally! .......
No it's not.
I've always lived miles out of town and I show and train dogs, so I have a dog club meeting to go to, with lots of friends there. I have dog competitions to go to with lots of friends there. I show horses and have horse clubs to go to with lots of friends there. My family did mounted horse patrol for a national park which was fun and interesting.
We go camping many times a year, and don't belong to a camping club, but there are camping clubs that go for group camping trips, with many friends there.
I belong to a writer's group and we meet once a month, with many friends there.
I belong to a car rally club and we meet once a month for a rally and picnic or other group activity and there are many friends there.
I take classes at the junior college, interesting things to learn with lots of nice people with common interests and have made friends doing that.
I go hiking. There are hiking and walking clubs that people can join.
I've done trash pick-up and trail maintenance. Many nice people in those groups.
There are sewing groups and painting groups-- I used to get together with friends and we would meet at an interesting location and paint landscapes.
I volunteer at the local food bank. Lots of nice people volunteering there and some of the clients are interesting people.
Life is only dull for dull people who have no interests in anything at all. Other people use their interests to join groups, spend time, have activities, and meet people.
Sorry I'm not sure if this is the right area to be posting. But I recently relocated from a city to A town about an hour away that feels more like the country. When we were looking to buy a house we were really just thinking about the house itself and good schools. Now that I've lived here for about nine months I feel not happy I miss being near the city and all that it had to offer. I've also found that the schools are not as good as they claim to be. In my town there is no Towncenter there are no public parks really or playgrounds. There are also no restaurants I have to get on the highway to go to a restaurant. I just don't know why I didn't think about this before moving. There have also been some issues with the house that I'm not happy with either. I just feel really regretful about moving here and I know it's a good location for kids but I can't see myself staying here forever. I will be so bored. And I honestly am not really happy with the house we chose either. I would like to move to a town more near the city with lots of public parks and playgrounds and more people and restaurants! But I feel really stuck having just purchased this house last year. I also feel that if we tried to sell we would not make any money or possibly not even get what we paid for it. Anyway I would love some feedback or advice. Have you ever been in this situation? And if so what did you end up doing? Thank you!
If parks and restaurants would fulfill your life, are you sure that it's the town that is boring?
This is a perfect opportunity for you to pursue and develop your interests if you have any.
Don't worry so much about the quality of the schools, or expect any school to give your daughter a complete education. You can give her academic challenges at home to fill the gaps.
If parks and restaurants would fulfill your life, are you sure that it's the town that is boring?
This is a perfect opportunity for you to pursue and develop your interests if you have any.
Don't worry so much about the quality of the schools, or expect any school to give your daughter a complete education. You can give her academic challenges at home to fill the gaps.
"Boring" and "active" do not go together.
"Boring" and "passive" do.
Staying at home without having any interests there pretty much guarantees boredom. Time to get a job (paid or not), a hobby, some involvement in things outside of the house.
Wrong; they just purchased the house last year. Moving again would most likely result in a financial loss unless the area is a really hot housing market. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like that is the scenario.
Yeah I just saw that. I misread and thought they rented. My buddy moved to Washington and I told him to rent for a year before they buy. He did it. Absolutely loved it. Bought a house two years ago
I really don't feel like I was whining! More like expressing unhappiness in a anonymous way since I can't really voice this to my husband/family and asking for advice. This town has no groups.. no real community.. a PTA that's not very active. It's very isolating.. anyway just asking for advice from sympathetic people who have been in this situation or might have some ideas. Not looking for snark or cheap shots at an unhappy mom.. thanks.
Unfortunately there are quite a few posters on here who like to make snarky comments. I've learned to use the ignore feature.
We moved to a small town in NC, population 5,000 back in 1990. We were New Yorkers used to more of a hustle and bustle so at first we loved it. When I called to have my electricity set up before we even moved, the woman at the electric company was also the pastor's wife. The day we moved in her church was there with a luncheon buffet and drinks and helped us a lot. But after awhile I realized that we just didn't fit in there. There was no movie theatre or any kind of shopping. Not even a Wal-Mart! Thankfully we decided to rent first and we left for a slightly bigger town in NC. Eventually moved back to Florida where we had been living for 5 years to be near family.
I don't know what to tell you OP if your husband is not on board with leaving. Can you do some work at home? Get involved in a hobby? A church? Do you like animals? Maybe you could volunteer at a local shelter or at your child's school? Are you interested in photography - you said there were a lot of animals there, maybe that could be fun. What made you decide to move out there to begin with - was there something you loved about the area? Try to find some positives for awhile, maybe you will grow to like it better or maybe your husband will tire of the commute.
I know it stinks to live someplace you hate. I felt that way for many years after moving back here to Florida in 1999. It's only been lately that I'm content being here.
You havent been to a school in a while ... Have you. They are mostly locked down fortresses these days and entry requires a security clearance or at the very least a Live Scan check.....
Even the outside areas? I admit I am waaay past the entite school scene, and I know there's no way you can get inside, but are most outside areas totally unaccesible? Around here I can walk all over the outside grounds. I wouldn't do it on school days, but what about weekends and summers?
- give it more time to see if this is merely an adjustment syndrome, or if there are real issues about the town (and the lifestyle consequences of living in that town) that need to be discussed with your family
- distractions: people here have suggested a number of distractions that might occupy your time during the adjustment period. I would say goal-oriented activities will be more helpful. Home business, or exercise - particularly training for a distance event. Running, biking, swimming, bi's or tri's. Can start with sprint distances and work your way up to longer distances. Eventually if you are training for an Ironman it'll be like a part time job. I call these things distractions because they do not change the fundamentals of who you are nor the issues with the town. They might take your mind off during the adjustment period.
- identify the real issues: this is the most important part. All the distractions will not change the infrastructure and amenities of the town, or the lack thereof. They will not change the lifestyle consequences. Your partner is still commuting 90 minutes each way. Even if that doesn't bother him, you and your child are still not getting that time with him. And it obviously affects you. These distractions will not change the quality of the school either.
- communication: at some point you cannot blame your unhappiness on adjustment. You cannot gloss over your concerns. You need to figure out how to communicate with your partner because feeling like you are walking around eggshells is NOT a sign of a healthy relationship. Your unhappiness will eat away at your relationship and your family. While people have to make compromises in their lifestyles all the time, especially when raising a family, some compromises go too far. Only you and your partner can decide whether the current compromise is still acceptable.
- blaming yourself: don't. People make real estate (and life) mistakes all the time. You learn from these mistakes and move on. C'est la vie. Next time you look for a home you'll pay closer attention to location, location, location, infrastructure, amenities, commute, community, etc.
I live in a rural area; the local library is at the elementary school and the only security is a sign "Visitors must sign in." But library patrons are exempted from that rule.
Meanwhile, back to OP:
is your daughter old enough for scouts? Get her involved, and maybe become a den mother yourself.
Take a class or teach a class to meet others.
Ask on your local C-D forum or Craigslist about groups or activities you might want to participate in.
Like I said, I live rural; the nearest streetlight is 5 miles away, the Post office is 7 miles, and the nearest restaurant I would eat in is a half hour drive from here. Shopping (Walmart AND Target) is even further. Really good shopping is a plane flight away.
I miss civilization enough to move, just waiting for prime time to sell (here it's January).
I just noticed another post here on C-D about making friends in small towns. The OP is a single guy, but there are 8 pages of replies, you might find something helpful. Or at least amusing. Making friends in small towns.
Last edited by steiconi; 05-14-2017 at 12:35 PM..
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That said sometimes people change with time. Who knows, the quiet may grow on you without realizing and you'll sell up go back to town and think omg! 
