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Old Yesterday, 08:51 AM
 
7,337 posts, read 2,652,265 times
Reputation: 16762

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skipito View Post
Maybe you should stop trying to control what everyone else does.

What has OP said that makes you think he's trying to control everyone else? And kind of pointless advice, seeing as he's said he's washing his hands of it.


OP, does you sister live with your dad? You mentioned she just wanted it painted for vanity's sake. Maybe it would cheer HER up, to see the rooms painted, and the new carpet. And maybe that's as an important consideration as anything else?
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Old Yesterday, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Olympia area (for now)
1,603 posts, read 595,512 times
Reputation: 3304
If the OP’s dad doesn’t care, it seems like a lot to do and it would disrupt his routine. If the other daughter lives there and wants a change, maybe new paint for her bedroom would do. The man is 89, let him live out his last days in peace.

My in-laws were set in their ways. My MIL had hideous wallpaper in one of the bathrooms, I offered to put up new wallpaper in the room many times. She always said she liked it. After they passed, we had to remove forty years of junk, old carpets, everything had to be updated. At least they got to live in their house with things as they wanted them. They would have been upset if I had tried to paint or make changes while they were alive. Older people get set in their ways.
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Old Yesterday, 09:42 AM
 
Location: NJ
24,586 posts, read 30,712,521 times
Reputation: 16566
Quote:
Originally Posted by SFBayBoomer View Post
You haven't helped your father update his house in the past 30 years? Not even painting his house? I feel sad for your father. All these years he could have had nicer surroundings. Your Dad may say he doesn't care, probably to please you, but no one wants to leave in dismal housing. He just can't do it or arrange to have it done all by himself. Help him to enjoy the time he has left.
you are making a lot of assumptions.
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Old Yesterday, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Out there somewhere...a traveling man.
39,945 posts, read 48,513,370 times
Reputation: 111460
OP, first of all dad should make the decision. At that age a change in his normal routine/habits could have devastating effects on his health and mental stress.
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Old Yesterday, 09:50 AM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
831 posts, read 306,498 times
Reputation: 1221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Barking Spider View Post
Carpet could be done a room at a time. Painting would probably take 2-3 days depending on if it needs 2 finish coats or not. A good painter can paint a living room in a couple hours.

While Dad may say he doesn't care, new paint and carpet might make the days a little better for him. I would do it just to make his living a little better. I would think that sitting in the same room with dingy carpet and paint all day long would be pretty depressing.

I wish my Mom would have made it to 89.
Installer costs more money if done in multiple trips. Big problem is that my dad is no longer mobile. He is in the living room with his TV on by 6:30 am and it isn't turned off until 8:30pm. He eats breakfast, lunch, dinner, in his lift chair that I actually had to build a platform for. (he's a big guy). He takes usually 2 one hour plus breaks sitting outside per day weather permitting.

I bought enough paint a few years ago to paint his bedroom and the living room while he was in a rehab after an operation. Took about a week to paint his bedroom because I had to remove late 60's wallpaper, scrub off paste residue, then skim coat and sand the walls. Then before I could tackle the living room, he got discharged.

So, if the living room has to be cleared of furniture to paint, what's my dad supposed to do for a week? His life is in front of the TV.... He can't even make it from his chair to the bathroom for #1 and keeps a urinal jug next to his chair and does it in that all day.

Even if he finds a place to move to temporarily, there is no place in the house to store the furniture and to do the walls and ceiling, the room has to be emptied. Means renting a POD or something. My sister doesn't think of these things. She also wants to replace the ceramic tile in the kitchen, but the base cabinets are sitting on the tile and there is a gas stove that needs to be disconnected and I don't think there is a valve. Not to mention the refrigerator and kitchen table and stacked washer/dryer.

She thinks one day paint, one day flooring....

Good luck with that.
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Old Yesterday, 09:53 AM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
39,038 posts, read 56,926,224 times
Reputation: 91947
Quote:
Originally Posted by SFBayBoomer View Post
You haven't helped your father update his house in the past 30 years? Not even painting his house? I feel sad for your father. All these years he could have had nicer surroundings. Your Dad may say he doesn't care, probably to please you, but no one wants to leave in dismal housing. He just can't do it or arrange to have it done all by himself. Help him to enjoy the time he has left.
Sorry. But I feel the same ^^^
I feel like your father was neglected for many years and left to live in a place that is barely habitable.
Very sad ...
Does he have any help cleaning his place, do laundry and do shopping/cook meals? What about help with hygiene?

It looks like your sister wants improve his surroundings. If you can't help, at least let her do the right thing.
Furniture could be moved from one corner to another and covered. Paint doesn't take a week, the wallpaper is removed already.
Even if that's all just cosmetics, it will feel brighter and cleaner.

You could ask a nearby nursing home if they will take him for a week or two for respite care. That's what other people do.
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Last edited by elnina; Yesterday at 10:14 AM..
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Old Yesterday, 09:57 AM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
831 posts, read 306,498 times
Reputation: 1221
Quote:
Originally Posted by wit-nit View Post
OP, first of all dad should make the decision. At that age a change in his normal routine/habits could have devastating effects on his health and mental stress.
I think he is only agreeing just to shut my sister up. I tried to tell him the timeline and left it up to him. And deer season opened her Wednesday and I'm sure my other sister's husband is planning on hunting every Saturday, and my hunting starts October 12 until the end of January on Saturdays. Again, my sister doesn't take these things into account.
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Old Yesterday, 10:03 AM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
831 posts, read 306,498 times
Reputation: 1221
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
Sorry. But I feel the same ^^^
I feel like your father was neglected for many years and left to live in a place that is barely habitable.
Very sad.
It looks like your sister wants improve his surroundings. If you can't help, at least let her do the right thing.
answered in a different post. I spent a lot of years not living close. NO WORK CAN BE DONE WITH HIM LIVING IN THE HOUSE.... It's not like we can set him up in the family room for a week, because there is no family room....tiny ranch. He's not going anyplace and there is no place for him to go unless he rents a handicap hotel room for over a week and even a handicap toilet is too low for him. So his commode that sits on the toilet will have to go with him. And he couldn't sit in a chair in a hotel room because he can't get out of it. My other sister who lives local has a split level and my dad can no longer do stairs, so he can't reach the bathroom.
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Old Yesterday, 10:09 AM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
831 posts, read 306,498 times
Reputation: 1221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Taz22 View Post
If the OPís dad doesnít care, it seems like a lot to do and it would disrupt his routine. If the other daughter lives there and wants a change, maybe new paint for her bedroom would do. The man is 89, let him live out his last days in peace.

My in-laws were set in their ways. My MIL had hideous wallpaper in one of the bathrooms, I offered to put up new wallpaper in the room many times. She always said she liked it. After they passed, we had to remove forty years of junk, old carpets, everything had to be updated. At least they got to live in their house with things as they wanted them. They would have been upset if I had tried to paint or make changes while they were alive. Older people get set in their ways.
You got that right. My dad likes diet Pepsi in 12 ounce bottles. Not 12 ounce cans, not 16 ounce bottles, not diet Coke......diet Pepsi....in 12 ounce bottles. Pretty much the most expensive way to buy it.

She just passed a few months ago and a contractor bought and is renovating a neighbor's house. I had to go there and reprogram her TV remote. It was like walking into a museum. 40yd dumpster was filled to the top with no construction debris....
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Old Yesterday, 10:20 AM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
831 posts, read 306,498 times
Reputation: 1221
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy View Post
What has OP said that makes you think he's trying to control everyone else? And kind of pointless advice, seeing as he's said he's washing his hands of it.


OP, does you sister live with your dad? You mentioned she just wanted it painted for vanity's sake. Maybe it would cheer HER up, to see the rooms painted, and the new carpet. And maybe that's as an important consideration as anything else?
I live here. I know better than anyone what my dad does every day, what he eats, when he eats, what he wants to eat. My sister comes up from Philly 4-5 times per year and throws the deck of cards in the air and it takes two weeks after she leaves to recover.

And yes, for HER vanities sake. She has no husband, no boyfriend, no kids. Dad is all she has. But she has been wanting to replace this carpet for 5-6 years. It needs to be replaced, I can't argue against that, but the logistics is a nightmare and she has no clue. I've been project manager on construction projects in excess of $1 million dollars. I know how to coordinate a job. She seems to think schedule carpet for Saturday, paint on Friday and done. I see block out one week to get furniture out, paint, and after another week after that's done is when the carpet guy can fit you in to their schedule. You cannot schedule the carpet guy first....
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