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Old 09-20-2019, 12:24 PM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
831 posts, read 306,498 times
Reputation: 1226

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep View Post
You are/were a professional in the construction industry and what you have done over the years to improve the surroundings of your father who sounds like a shut-in is painting a room. Plus you begrudge him his choice of soda.
I didn't say I begrudge him his choice of soda. I said that I know what he wants. Nobody else does. The room that needs the paint he uses 14 hours per day. He has no place else to go due to his mobility issues. I planned to paint it last time he was in rehab, have the paint, but he got discharged faster than all of his other operations. Couldn't make it happen.
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Old 09-20-2019, 12:29 PM
 
1,152 posts, read 520,596 times
Reputation: 3089
I like how everyone is dumping on you, OP, and not holding your sister accountable for any of this even though she's the one who wants to do it.
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Old 09-20-2019, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
22,797 posts, read 14,925,732 times
Reputation: 32686
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
When you look at all this at once it is overwhelming (been there done that). Everything seems to need immediate crisis-driven work. Get some advice/evaluation from a more neutral voice; such as an eldercare counselor to avoid endless family "opinion" and debate. This happens everywhere. Break it into discrete projects and prioritize them. Even if you and your sister don't like it, your dad does have a say in what he wants or cares about. Unless the house ends up being condemned and he can't stay in it. Don't worry about selling it until you need to sell it. What family decides makes the most financial sense at that point may be quite different than it appears now.

1. Imminent Health/Safety threat abatement.

2. Day to day functionality.

3. Comfort.

4. Cosmetics.
Good advice. Follow it.
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Old 09-20-2019, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
25,627 posts, read 24,525,954 times
Reputation: 31712
Quote:
Originally Posted by JONOV View Post
Who knows how easy Dad is to help? Just saying, now he's feeble and 89. At 69 and 79 he could have been awfully formidable and cantankerous and fully competent to arrange for those things on his own.
Like my mother. She didn't want anyone to dispose of, rearrange, organize, or even clean her stuff. I was a bad daughter because I wouldn't take her out somewhere. When that didn't work, she'd become agitated. Finally, she'd become angry.

It didn't matter if I was cleaning out her refrigerator, organizing the contents of a drawer, or vacuuming, it upset her. She told me that I didn't need to vacuum under the furniture because there couldn't possibly be and dirt under beds or couches. When I sorted and organized her paperwork and put it in labeled files, she told me that she wouldn't be able to find any of it because I'd moved it. Painting would have been out of the question.
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Old 09-20-2019, 05:36 PM
 
Location: San Antonio/Houston/Tricity
39,054 posts, read 56,945,603 times
Reputation: 92009
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimG2 View Post
My mom passed in 1985.... there is nothing of value here. It's order a dumpster and fill it with what is not mine.
There is not much love in any of your statements...
He is fat, chair ridden, drinks soda, eat junk, watch TV all day, pees in a jar and lives in a dump. And you can't wait till he is finally dead to bring in the bulldozer...
That's what we know about your dad.

But the truth is that he is probably very lonely and depressed, can't take care of himself and his only friend is tv. A little attention, fresh paint, new floors, house cleanup and a bit of company would make his day.
If your sister wants to do, let her do it. Give her a helping hand instead of
whining heartlessly.
It's for your dad. He won't be living forever...
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Old 09-20-2019, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Kansas City North
4,226 posts, read 7,493,950 times
Reputation: 6415
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
There is not much love in any of your statements...
He is fat, chair ridden, drinks soda, eat junk, watch TV all day, pees in a jar and lives in a dump. And you can't wait till he is finally dead to bring in the bulldozer...
That's what we know about your dad.

But the truth is that he is probably very lonely and depressed, can't take care of himself and his only friend is tv. A little attention, fresh paint, new floors, house cleanup and a bit of company would make his day.
If your sister wants to do, let her do it. Give her a helping hand instead of
whining heartlessly.
It's for your dad. He won't be living forever...
Look up OP’s previous posts about his “stupid” step son.
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Old 09-20-2019, 07:51 PM
 
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
4,851 posts, read 2,649,606 times
Reputation: 9570
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina View Post
There is not much love in any of your statements...
He is fat, chair ridden, drinks soda, eat junk, watch TV all day, pees in a jar and lives in a dump. And you can't wait till he is finally dead to bring in the bulldozer...
That's what we know about your dad.

But the truth is that he is probably very lonely and depressed, can't take care of himself and his only friend is tv. A little attention, fresh paint, new floors, house cleanup and a bit of company would make his day.
If your sister wants to do, let her do it. Give her a helping hand instead of
whining heartlessly.
It's for your dad. He won't be living forever...
Yes. I am sure the father is lonely and depressed.

It bothers me that there are so many "mature" children of oldsters who come on to C-D to vent their anger and frustration at having to care for the very people who raised them to adulthood, especially when the complaining is done by someone with the expertise to manage a project as this OP is.

To the OP: Stop venting. Get busy and work with your sister to help your Dad, and I believe that once the project is complete (great idea someone posted to break the project into steps), you'll feel better knowing your Dad is in a cleaner, better environment.
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Old 09-20-2019, 09:43 PM
 
Location: Knoxville
4,301 posts, read 21,048,009 times
Reputation: 5133
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimG2 View Post
Installer costs more money if done in multiple trips. Big problem is that my dad is no longer mobile. He is in the living room with his TV on by 6:30 am and it isn't turned off until 8:30pm. He eats breakfast, lunch, dinner, in his lift chair that I actually had to build a platform for. (he's a big guy). He takes usually 2 one hour plus breaks sitting outside per day weather permitting.

I bought enough paint a few years ago to paint his bedroom and the living room while he was in a rehab after an operation. Took about a week to paint his bedroom because I had to remove late 60's wallpaper, scrub off paste residue, then skim coat and sand the walls. Then before I could tackle the living room, he got discharged.

So, if the living room has to be cleared of furniture to paint, what's my dad supposed to do for a week? His life is in front of the TV.... He can't even make it from his chair to the bathroom for #1 and keeps a urinal jug next to his chair and does it in that all day.

Even if he finds a place to move to temporarily, there is no place in the house to store the furniture and to do the walls and ceiling, the room has to be emptied. Means renting a POD or something. My sister doesn't think of these things. She also wants to replace the ceramic tile in the kitchen, but the base cabinets are sitting on the tile and there is a gas stove that needs to be disconnected and I don't think there is a valve. Not to mention the refrigerator and kitchen table and stacked washer/dryer.

She thinks one day paint, one day flooring....

Good luck with that.
You have listed lots of excuses why you can't do it. Why not put the same effort in figuring out how it can be done. If you don't have room to move the furniture from one room to another, it sounds like there is too much stuff, or the house is incredibly small. If its that small, the painting and flooring should go fast. If its "too much stuff", this sounds like an opportunity to get rid of a lot of stuff.

Sounds like a depressing life for your Dad. I'm sorry his life has turned that way.

Obviously, I have no idea of what the situation looks like, or what you are dealing with. Maybe your sister has a plan on how she thinks it can be done. Why not let her run with it and get it done for your Dad?
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Old Yesterday, 01:57 AM
 
200 posts, read 41,446 times
Reputation: 472
Quote:
Originally Posted by Okey Dokie View Post
Look up OP’s previous posts about his “stupid” step son.
Exactly what I referenced in my prior post.

Hasn’t exactly “washed his hands” of this...
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Old Yesterday, 06:23 AM
 
13,568 posts, read 18,133,539 times
Reputation: 20557
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimG2 View Post
I didn't say I begrudge him his choice of soda. I said that I know what he wants. Nobody else does. The room that needs the paint he uses 14 hours per day. He has no place else to go due to his mobility issues. I planned to paint it last time he was in rehab, have the paint, but he got discharged faster than all of his other operations. Couldn't make it happen.
Could or would?
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