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Old Yesterday, 11:28 AM
 
Location: New Britain, CT
827 posts, read 305,030 times
Reputation: 1211

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Dad is 89. He has done little to nothing on his house for 30 years and frankly, it needs extensive renovations. To the point that when he passes the only option is sell it to a flipper who will have to gut the place to the studs, rewire, new roof, new kitchen, new bathroom, probably new siding, mold abatement. Serious work and the place won't be able to be sold with a conventional mortgage until that work is done. My clueless sister wants to re-carpet the living room, hallway, his bedroom. And repaint the living room. For her vanity. Dad doesn't care. Our dad is disabled, can't move without his walker, TV in the living room is on by 6:30 am and doesn't turn off until 8:30 pm. I asked where dad will live for 2 weeks while she gets all of this work done and where will the furniture be stored. She thinks one day to paint, one day to carpet. LR has a putrid mustard yellow paint that needs a coat of Kilz, then 2 coats of finish paint. He has a lift chair that doesn't fit through a door without disassembly, an adjustable bed in his bedroom that would have to be dismantled and can't be slid. Last time he was in a rehab I painted his bedroom, empty, and it took 4 days. The living room will be no different. I've wiped my hands clean of the project. I'm basically just venting and didn't know if I should post here or in non-romantic relationships.
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Old Yesterday, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Knoxville
4,299 posts, read 21,040,608 times
Reputation: 5117
Carpet could be done a room at a time. Painting would probably take 2-3 days depending on if it needs 2 finish coats or not. A good painter can paint a living room in a couple hours.

While Dad may say he doesn't care, new paint and carpet might make the days a little better for him. I would do it just to make his living a little better. I would think that sitting in the same room with dingy carpet and paint all day long would be pretty depressing.

I wish my Mom would have made it to 89.
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Old Yesterday, 01:48 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,867 posts, read 3,329,013 times
Reputation: 26681
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimG2 View Post
Dad is 89. He has done little to nothing on his house for 30 years and frankly, it needs extensive renovations. To the point that when he passes the only option is sell it to a flipper who will have to gut the place to the studs, rewire, new roof, new kitchen, new bathroom, probably new siding, mold abatement. Serious work and the place won't be able to be sold with a conventional mortgage until that work is done. My clueless sister wants to re-carpet the living room, hallway, his bedroom. And repaint the living room. For her vanity. Dad doesn't care. Our dad is disabled, can't move without his walker, TV in the living room is on by 6:30 am and doesn't turn off until 8:30 pm. I asked where dad will live for 2 weeks while she gets all of this work done and where will the furniture be stored. She thinks one day to paint, one day to carpet. LR has a putrid mustard yellow paint that needs a coat of Kilz, then 2 coats of finish paint. He has a lift chair that doesn't fit through a door without disassembly, an adjustable bed in his bedroom that would have to be dismantled and can't be slid. Last time he was in a rehab I painted his bedroom, empty, and it took 4 days. The living room will be no different. I've wiped my hands clean of the project. I'm basically just venting and didn't know if I should post here or in non-romantic relationships.
When you look at all this at once it is overwhelming (been there done that). Everything seems to need immediate crisis-driven work. Get some advice/evaluation from a more neutral voice; such as an eldercare counselor to avoid endless family "opinion" and debate. This happens everywhere. Break it into discrete projects and prioritize them. Even if you and your sister don't like it, your dad does have a say in what he wants or cares about. Unless the house ends up being condemned and he can't stay in it. Don't worry about selling it until you need to sell it. What family decides makes the most financial sense at that point may be quite different than it appears now.

1. Imminent Health/Safety threat abatement.

2. Day to day functionality.

3. Comfort.

4. Cosmetics.

Last edited by Parnassia; Yesterday at 02:28 PM..
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Old Yesterday, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Colorado
152 posts, read 34,383 times
Reputation: 699
Ask your dad. Let him break the tie. I bet he does not want the disruption in his life.
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Old Yesterday, 02:47 PM
 
1,871 posts, read 658,877 times
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I guess you've considered whether there would be any effects on your dad's health from new carpet and paint fumes for a while during and after installation.
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Old Yesterday, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
25,619 posts, read 24,508,776 times
Reputation: 31704
He probably likes the paint color because your mom chose it.
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Old Yesterday, 06:00 PM
 
195 posts, read 39,539 times
Reputation: 460
Maybe you should stop trying to control what everyone else does.
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Old Today, 12:24 AM
 
Location: San Francisco Bay Area
4,846 posts, read 2,647,751 times
Reputation: 9545
Quote:
Originally Posted by JimG2 View Post
Dad is 89. He has done little to nothing on his house for 30 years and frankly, it needs extensive renovations. To the point that when he passes the only option is sell it to a flipper who will have to gut the place to the studs, rewire, new roof, new kitchen, new bathroom, probably new siding, mold abatement. Serious work and the place won't be able to be sold with a conventional mortgage until that work is done. My clueless sister wants to re-carpet the living room, hallway, his bedroom. And repaint the living room. For her vanity. Dad doesn't care. Our dad is disabled, can't move without his walker, TV in the living room is on by 6:30 am and doesn't turn off until 8:30 pm. I asked where dad will live for 2 weeks while she gets all of this work done and where will the furniture be stored. She thinks one day to paint, one day to carpet. LR has a putrid mustard yellow paint that needs a coat of Kilz, then 2 coats of finish paint. He has a lift chair that doesn't fit through a door without disassembly, an adjustable bed in his bedroom that would have to be dismantled and can't be slid. Last time he was in a rehab I painted his bedroom, empty, and it took 4 days. The living room will be no different. I've wiped my hands clean of the project. I'm basically just venting and didn't know if I should post here or in non-romantic relationships.
You haven't helped your father update his house in the past 30 years? Not even painting his house? I feel sad for your father. All these years he could have had nicer surroundings. Your Dad may say he doesn't care, probably to please you, but no one wants to leave in dismal housing. He just can't do it or arrange to have it done all by himself. Help him to enjoy the time he has left.
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Old Today, 03:48 AM
 
1,468 posts, read 1,722,155 times
Reputation: 1994
Seems unnecessary at 89 to disrupt his routine. Maybe just make sure the place is clean for him. If he was 69, then yes, but he probably did not want to change it then and still doesn't.
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Old Today, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,548 posts, read 6,408,728 times
Reputation: 11934
Quote:
Originally Posted by SFBayBoomer View Post
You haven't helped your father update his house in the past 30 years? Not even painting his house? I feel sad for your father. All these years he could have had nicer surroundings. Your Dad may say he doesn't care, probably to please you, but no one wants to leave in dismal housing. He just can't do it or arrange to have it done all by himself. Help him to enjoy the time he has left.
Who knows how easy Dad is to help? Just saying, now he's feeble and 89. At 69 and 79 he could have been awfully formidable and cantankerous and fully competent to arrange for those things on his own.
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