I found the house of my dreams and my husband hates it (how much, townhouse)

[nymom]

What's a woman to do???? I am so depressed and disappointed. Even if I convince him to buy it, he will always resent me. Plus all the things he dislikes about it now will bother him 100 times more when we are living there and that's just not fair to him. I don't know what to do. I can't let go of it.
Has anyone else been in this predicament?

[Pixie Dust]

Oh My God. My advice is to let it go. Find something you both like. The home we presently live in; I LOVED, my husband hated it. He agreed for us to get it after alot of my pestering. Mistake... he hates doing anything around the house and used to love doing it in our other home. If something breaks down...I hear it. When we sell this one I will make sure we both 100% agree on the new house.

When I think about it it was selfish of me to insist on something that he didn't like at all. He has to live here too. Waitjust had a thought does he have to live here????

[christina0001]

ditto the above post...let it go. There is more than one perfect house for everyone. Hang in there, eventually you will find a home you both love (or at least like).

[Rapture]

Let it go. This happened to me last year when looking for a house and now we have a house we both like and it was worth the wait. It's more important that you are both happy with what you find. No matter what, there are going to be compromises.

[BlueWillowPlate]

Oh man, I really sympathize, NYMom.
I am in the opposite position, the spouse found a place that I have not even set foot in, and I am going along with it. There are several things about it which are his dream, not mine, but after 17 months renting crappy places I am just fine with his choice.
IMHO it is not worth it to deal with his misery. How could you enjoy your dream home if you keep looking over your shoulder at your resentful spouse?
Try to buy some time and keep looking, if you can.

[BrianH]

What does he hate about it ? Is it things that can be projects for him to work on over time to make it to his liking ?

[mainebrokerman]

what if HE absolutely LOVED it and you hated it ?? im thinking he'd know better not to buy it, if you'd be miserable, and nothing in life, is worth living with a miserable woman!!! lol

[Hoosier]

yep, I agree with mainbrokerman, and the rest. Our first house, my wife loved, I hated. Our second house (current one), I'm not crazy about, my wife loved...but now she's not too crazy about the layout.

Next house...my choice!! Seriuosly, not matter how much you love it, remember it's only a house. Put your husband first over the house. As much as I've loved different homes we've looked at in the past, if she didn't like it, I would eventually accept that it wasn't the best option...because she has to live there too. It doesn't matter who is home more, if the one who isn't home as much doesn't like the house...he may want to stay at work or spend time with his friends. Sounds crazy but some of us guys think like that!

[SpeedyAZ]

I agree with everyone else; LET IT GO! As a Realtor I'm telling you that this is one of the biggest mistakes you can make; one person likes it and the other hates it. You both need to agree on the home you like; trust me eventually you'll find it.

In marriage you must make compromises and this is one. You both need to like the home otherwise the party that hates it will always complain when something goes wrong.

[vpcats]

OH... The first house I bought here I really liked the layout and it was newer in a nice area but the commute to work was killing me so I sold it 2.5 yrs later. Then I found a small townhouse, newer also, nice place and just purrrrrfect for me alone, which I was. Then I met my current "other half" and we didn't quite fit in the TH plus he likes to tinker and has a lot, a lot, a lot, did I say A LOT, of tools. So, we went house hunting. My only demand was that it had to be close to work, or "closer". He wanted a yard. I love to look at houses and go into open houses. He doesn't.
One day we drove to 17 "for sale" - too far, too dark, too small, too big, too anything. On the way back to the TH, we passed THIS house and the owner happened to see me writing down the phone # and invited us in. It had a "nice" feel when you walked in. It's an older home, low ceilings, small bedrooms, BIG yard, big kitchen, fenced and gated, big hedges (privacy) but it needed a zillion and one things to be remodeled and/or updated. I wasn't totally opposed to it and I knew that to be closer to work I had to give up some things. I also knew he wasn't going to spend another day driving around again and I thought he should have SOME say in the decision. Why? I'll never know. I should have just done it myself. But he WANTED it. Why? Because it has this huge, huge triple storage building in the back and a HUGER mango tree.
Not only did he get tired of all the remodeling he promised he was going to do, he doesn't clean up the yard, I hate the mango leaves on the ground, I hate the low ceilings and small bedrooms and my intention was to fix it and sell it. Well, he's married to this house and I can't stand it. It's all nice and pretty and all but I hate it with a passion. I lost out on selling at the "right" time and now I'm stuck. As soon as the timing is right again, this is going up for sale and he can stay with the new owners and sleep under the mango tree!

So.........make sure you BOTH like everything about it. Think it over once, twice, and then think again.