Need Help

[elnina]

I worked with addicts for years and I agree with Oildog and Malvie.

[DrLizardo]

Originally Posted by elnina

I worked with addicts for years and I agree with Oildog and Malvie.

Same here, and I agree as well.

The thing about addicts that confuses many people is the nature of their relationship with their addiction. Addicts love what they're addicted to - even though it ruins their lives and destroys everything and everyone around them. When it comes to their addiction there is no rational thought, just the desire to engage in the thing they are addicted to. They will lie, cheat, steal, betray everyone that ever loved them, or do anything else necessary to get what they want and need.

[Seoid]

You are a good friend. She is very blessed to know you and trust in you to tell you her problems.

I really hope that the fact that she told you about her problems means she was calling out for help- as Malvie said, unless they want to help themselves, it's extremely unlikely it will actually help.

I hope she's able to get this in check before it becomes a financial problem.

[cheryjohns]

Thanks to all for the input. I did forward all of the links to her and talked briefly yesterday. I had thought that, since she is aware she has a serious problem, that she was ready to do something about it - but it appears she is not.

I do understand she does need to hit the bottom and do it for herself - it's just difficult to sit back and watch the crash.

[astrohip]

It's tough to watch someone you care about go thru an addiction. As others have said, there is almost nothing you can do for them. They will either act like they hear you but do nothing, or tune you out as a friend. Try to remain a friend, regardless of their actions. It's not easy to do, but they will need a friend some day. And it sounds like they are blessed to have you as one.

I spend a lot of time working with the homeless, mainly transitional women. Many of them are either former addicts on the road to recovery, or have left their husbands due to their (the husband's) addiction (or more often, abuse). Addiction is relentless, and doesn't care who you are. It's painful to watch, whether it's drugs, gambling or drinking.

{{{hugs}}}

[Sampaguita]

Cheryl - it is very difficult as a friend to stand by and watch someone you love or care for spiral down. But like others have said, more often than not, any addict has to hit rock bottom before they will admit they have a problem. I've had to deal with employee-friends with addiction problems and it is frustrating, maddening, frightening, heartbreaking and more to see them destroy their lives.

From experience, all I can think of to say is that there is a fine line between being supportive and being an enabler. It's a difficult one to straddle when you are a friend trying to help.

I hope your friend can see through everything to recognize that she needs help before she destroys her life and that in you, she can have a strong support system if she would only take it.

[cheryjohns]

Unfortunately, everyone is right. I talked to her again today. She does not want to contact any of the links elnina supplied because she "doesn't want them to make her stop being able to go to the gaming rooms". She's not ready and I guess won't become ready until she has blown through all of her money. It's worse than you might think - she has quit her job in order to be at the gaming rooms all day and night. There is nothing I can do.

[elnina]

I assumed she is not married. At the moment the only strong relationship she has is with gambling...
If she has quit her job then it is just a matter of time when she run out of money. The sad things is that gamblers have higher suicide rate than other addicts. About one out of every five will attempt suicide.