Huntsville's (tongue-in-cheek) History (Birmingham, Kansas: buying, school, tornado)

[Southlander]

A friend sent me this...I have no idea where he got it:
A Brief History of Huntsville by Matthew Pierce

Huntsville was founded a long time ago by someone who is now dead. In the beginning, the city was called Twickenham. This was before Bridge Street, so it was not a good time to be a resident. Later on the town was renamed Huntsville, because, come on, Twickenham. The name “Huntsville” was taken from an Indian word that roughly translates to, “We’re getting out of here, there’s a tornado coming.”

Huntsville was an important part of the Civil War. Confederate forces willingly surrendered the town to the Yankees, who did not know about the tornadoes. The rebels thought this was very funny. Several Yankees were sucked up and landed on Monte Sano, where they remain to this day. They are called Presbyterians.

The first mayor of Huntsville was Wernher Von Braun, who was a scientist who invented the vacuum cleaner. Von Braun came to Huntsville and started inventing rockets, presumably to blow up the tornadoes. He never did figure out how to do this, so he gave up and invented Space Camp. He was very good at inventing things.

Starting in the 1960s, Huntsville was subjected to another invasion. Only this time it wasn’t Yankees who were invading, but engineers. These engineers were mostly short men, and all of them drove very fast cars. No one really understood what they did for a living, but they all had lots of money. The engineers are still here today, because engineers never really die — they just keep inventing ways to stay alive.

In the 1980s Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco formed a minor league baseball team called the Huntsville Stars. The Stars played at Joe Davis stadium, where they excelled at making it all the way to the Southern League Championship and then losing. Back then McGwire and Canseco were not using steroids, probably because they were too busy eating the ice cream at the concession stand that comes in the little plastic helmets, which is excellent.

The most famous person in Huntsville is Dan Satterfield, who is a television meteorologist and loud person. He is the arch nemesis of the tornado. Whenever it begins to rain in, say, western Kansas, Satterfield immediately interrupts television programming to broadcast warnings for the next seven hours straight. Many tornadoes have gone away sad because Dan Satterfield ruined their sneak attacks.

Today Huntsville has a bright future, and not just because it has more restaurants than people. It is a modern city on the cusp of research and technology. It is a crossroads, where the spirit of the Old South meets the expression of the arts. It is a bustling, thriving community where diversity and tradition mingle.

Basically, it is a city that prides itself on not being Birmingham.

[Pirat_cat]

I've seen this before but I still love it. I still expect to see James Spann on TV during a tornado warning though, since I grew up in B'ham.

[deesonic]

Anybody here remember Bob Baron from WAAY 31 and his "Weather in Motion?"

[friday13]

Originally Posted by Southlander

Basically, it is a city that prides itself on not being Birmingham.

Ahem, Birmingham, Mississippi?

Bing Maps~

[writerwife]

haha.. that's cute.

[writerwife]

Originally Posted by deesonic

Anybody here remember Bob Baron from WAAY 31 and his "Weather in Motion?"

Yep.

Remember when Bob left for several years and then returned?
All of the commercials with a picture of him with his back turned toward the camera saying, "Bob's back!" ?

[harry chickpea]

I'm waiting for the long touted moon base to finally be established. What with channel 19's suck up to NASA, i can't wait to watch Dan's reports on weather on the moon.

"Today on the moon - sunny, with little chance of tornadoes. The extended forecast - meteor showers on Wednesday, with a 20% chance of solar storms."

Ever notice how weather forecasting in this area is a total crapshoot? To quote Dan "No one was more surprised than I was with those rains we had yesterday..."

That history of Huntsville is good. I was expecting to see mention of cotton though, and how the processing of cotton gave the folks over in Ft. Payne the idea to make socks (which they had not used before). Also, how tobacco use (smoking is too hot, so spittin' became popular) started Birmingham industrial growth making cuspidors. I guess you can't expect a short history to include everything, like how Elvis and Helen Keller met in Huntsville for lunch and she loved his music and couldn't stop tapping her feet.

[skinem]

Originally Posted by deesonic

Anybody here remember Bob Baron from WAAY 31 and his "Weather in Motion?"

Yup, and "Bob's Back" and Gary said it would be like this, and the Country Rover.

Thanks for posting the "history", Southlander. Funny, and entirely accurate.

One thing it left out is that anyone who spends more than two years here is a qualified Doppler Radar expert...

[MSB256]

Haha. Funny post. I've lived here my whole life and love stuff like that. Has anyone seen the "You might be from Huntsville if..." list?

[Charles]

Originally Posted by MSB256

Has anyone seen the "You might be from Huntsville if..." list?

You might be a Huntsvillian if:

Someone says they are going to "thee" mall and you know where thou art going.

You consider an on-ramp to Memorial Parkway a nice place to park until the traffic thins out.

You drop an ice cube tray on the kitchen floor, and your kids want to take two snow days off from school.

You're thinking of just buying a pollen-colored car.

You use your gun scope to check out the new comet.

You don't care HOW they do it up North.

Your garage holds two John Deere tractors and a fledgling electronics company.

You don't think Lily Flagg is an Easter banner.

Your kid's first field trip is to Cook's Pest Control.

You know there's no airport on Airport Road.

Your favorite comeback is, "As a matter of fact, I AM a rocket scientist."

The bugs in your computer are boll weevils.

You're unable to make out a grocery list unless it begins with (1) Mission, (2) Goals, and (3) Accomplishments.

You learned to count backwards and thought "lift off" was the last number.

Someone asks you a question and you reply "Dooo Whaattt?"

Your dinner parties have caviar and baloney on the same table.

You write in "Dilbert" on the '96 presidential ballot.

You have ever bought milk and bread because "Gary said it would be like this."

To "merge" is only a program on your computer.

You think that a traffic light changing to red means that five more cars can go through the intersection before one has to stop.

You have ever gotten a ticket for doing 41 in a 40 mph zone.

You try to think up silly jokes about the city just to save the cost of a ticket to see Jeff Foxworthy.