More Details on Discovery Middle Shooting (Madison: transfer, neighborhoods, schools)

[darcyd]

@ Elizabeth_G:
One day your daughter will thank you! You sound like a great parent. It's always hard to now where the line is (too hard or not hard enough), but some day she will look back and say "My Mother cared enough to keep me straight." I really believe that. You are doing her a service by teaching her that life is not always fair, there are consequences, and she has to learn personal responsibility and problem-solving. This generation in particular has "Paris Hilton Syndrome" in a bad way. So many think they are all destined to be celebrities and that life is going to always be rosy, dropping BMWs and fame in their laps without any work. You are doing the right thing. IMO. Keep it up.
As for the situation @ Discovery, I don't know any details. As a former middle school and high school teacher, I would only advise caution in assuming anything about the schools or parents in the absence of evidence. Schools are not perfect, but they are often being pulled so many ways. I do believe that most teachers and administrators truly care and are looking for solutions to the problems that plague our schools. There aren't any easy answers to the small questions, let alone the big questions that can lead to a tragic event like this one.

[tammie2]

Originally Posted by Elizabeth_G

Tammie2, Maybe I was a bit harsh, but I sure didn't mean to be. I think since this happened in my own back yard, my fur is up...can ya tell Amazingly, I have no gray hair to name...LOL. I pay nicely to make sure those have disappeared!

I feel confident that I don't know everything my daughter does and I would be insane to even begin to believe i do, but i do have a good grasp on what is going on in her life. I also realize she is a child and they learn by doing...good AND bad. Ugh. I always tell her as long as she learns from her mistakes, then that is what is important. I cringe thinking that she would sneak out like I did, or drink beer after a football game. Our lives were just SO much simpler back "then". There were "hoods" at school that smoked dope. *gasp* A few pill poppers here and there but that was it, really. What a different world. My biggest fear is that I am sitting on her too much and she'll go buck wild one day. Again, ugh. There is a fine line and I'm still trying to find it. I may never.

When your daughter becomes a teen, have fun (giggle). WOW. They are a whole different animal.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could have a crystal ball? I still believe in Santa too

I hope you don't think I implied that you or any other one person was being too harsh or judgemental, it is human nature to look for someone or something to blame. It is our own way of feeling safer in an unsafe/uncomfortable/unfamiliar setting. This way we can justify why it happened to someone else, why we are still safe. That is the natural reaction.

FWIW, you sound like you are doing a great job with your daughter, she WILL thank you. I am grateful that my mom was the way she was and your daughter will be too. When she sees where she COULD have been had you been more lax it will sink in. Somehow even though our kids don't come with instruction manuals instinct takes over and you find the line. It won't be long before she is married, you have grandchildren, and she is coming to you for advice since she knows what a great job you did!!

We all grew up in different times, but the one murder in my hometown was committed in 1970's by a jilted young man who killed his ex girlfriend and then himself. He was a Sr in HS, no warning, he was taking the break up hard, but nothing that anyone considered out of the ordinary until it was too late, it happened then too, it just wasn't as publicized and likely wasn't as close to home for you. Kids make stupid choices, for some reason the teen brain seems incapable of rational thought with a complete lack of foresight for cause/effect/consequences.

I am waiting with bated breath for those teen years, I have always said that she is saving it up. She really was just born good, but I know that won't last forever...so I will likely really be in for it Right now I worry more about my little one, he has a "girlfriend" in kindergarten and 2 more that chase him during recess, on Tue him and the "girlfriend" were passing love notes with "Do you love me? yes or no" back and forth and on Wed one of the chasing girls gave him an extra valentine that was "extra special." I know it only gets worse from here....HELP ME!!!!!! I think he will be locked up with a chastity belt by the time he is 10

Now I never said you could SEE the gray hair, just that they are all memories with names

[Mawoods]

Hey Tammie amd Elizabeth! Good discussion and good points from both of you! We were strict with our daughter and she was a pretty good kid! We got through those years with alot of love and tears. As she got older and by senior year in high school we allowed her alot of autonomy as she was going off to college and needed to be able to make decisions for herself. Today she thanks us and loves us profusely. We have gone from mother/daughter to friends. It was worth all the parental involvement and talking , talking talking in those teen years. HOWEVER, we have known some really good parents whose kids in those teen years made some stupid decisions they later regretted and had consequences. We also knew some really good parents whose kids were determined to just be bad. Teens are very good at lying to parents and covering up. So, for the grace of God go I for sure. Who knows? I have also seen really bad parents end up with good, responsible kids. Having lived through it all I have learned that you just can't paint a broad stroke. We celebrated when our daughter graduated from college with honors, drug free and no pregnancy. Seriously. She never gave us problems like that but we were still relieved because we saw what the pressures are on kids today.

[friday13]

Originally Posted by tammie2

She really was just born good, but I know that won't last forever...so I will likely really be in for it

Originally Posted by Mawoods

We were strict with our daughter and she was a pretty good kid!

In line with the principle "all kids should be held CAPABLE until proven otherwise", or else the parent will fall off the very HIGH "not my child, never" horse!!
That's how I prepare myself and family, by anticipating and having a plan of ACTION and/or REACTION in place for scenario A, B, C etc. And I have "good" kids too (but they're only tot age )

[marmac]

How do you know when your teen agers are lying?

" When their lips are moving "--------Judge Judy

[friday13]

Originally Posted by marmac

How do you know when your teen agers are lying?

" When their lips are moving "--------Judge Judy

OR their fingertips are moving (and not from fidgeting) ---- just quote me.

[DvlsAdvc8]

Originally Posted by flstatenolefan

So you are suggesting that violence in television and gaming is a GOOD thing for kids???

Nope, I'm saying it doesn't matter, good or bad. I have millions and millions of data points of evidence for my position vs the few middle school shooters to the contrary.

TV is just a scapegoat for whatever the real problems were that this kid had - and those problems probably start with his home environment, not what he saw on TV or in a video game.

Lock up your tv and don't let your kid play violent games, doesn't bother me at all. I just ask you to keep your decision to your own children and leave me to mine (as opposed to the censorship nonsense).

My son and I will continue blowing each other up in online deathmatches - and strange as it may seem to you, it will be this quality time with his dad that makes him into a happy, well adjusted young man - thousands and thousands of virtual body parts later.

[guxu]

Yeah, sure. All trouble kids learn gang and killing from their parents or somewhere else. They did not learn anything from TV or video games.

I guess we should throw away educational TV programs and educational game too. As it doesn't matter.

Do you really believe that?

[marmac]

Originally Posted by guxu

Yeah, sure. All trouble kids learn gang and killing from their parents or somewhere else. They did not learn anything from TV or video games.

I guess we should throw away educational TV programs and educational game too. As it doesn't matter.

Do you really believe that?

great post,great analogy

[friday13]

Originally Posted by guxu

Yeah, sure. All trouble kids learn gang and killing from their parents or somewhere else. They did not learn anything from TV or video games.

While they may learn violence from TV, they should also learn refrain and "you know better that that" from their PARENTS, BEFORE they fall impressed (negatively) with the violent stuff.