How can I prepare my children for the move? (Coeur d'Alene: hotel, lease)

[heatherriviere]

My husband and I will be moving in July 2008 from Paris, France to the Coeur d'Alene area with our 3 daughters aged 9, 6 1/2 and 2 at that time. You can see our thread moving from Paris France to CDA for more details, if interested, but my question is of a much more general nature regarding moves in general...what can parents do to help prepare their children for a move to an area that the children have never been to?

I read an interesting article in Family Fun magazine that had a few good suggestions, ie taking photos of the new home and school and playground etc so that the children can get an idea of what the place looks like and feel like the area is familiar to them when they arrive. Does anyone else have any ideas?

My husband and I will be visiting the area in April (without the children) and will take photos/videos, but we won't be able to buy our future house until we arrive in July. We hope to narrow down a few leads, and narrow down the neighborhoods that interest us, but we won't necessarily be able to show them THEIR future home/school/playground at that time yet. Also, there might be snow/mud etc at that time, whereas we'll be arriving midsummer...

We already have a number of Coeur d'Alene magazines laying around with photos of the mountains/lake/downtown areas. Are there city catalogues, or flyers even, of activities the CHILDREN can be involved in during the summer months, that we could enroll them in as soon as registrations open up early in the summer? Swimming? Summer league T-ball? Childrens theatre groups? Are there summer school classes for elementary school age children to help get them up to par before the schoolyear starts? (Our girls understand pretty much everything in English that I say to them, but their speaking skills/vocabulary/reading and writing will definately need some work...)

I see that there is a brand new library, we'll definately check THAT out during our visit this spring. Any other suggestions?

Thanks for any and all creative ideas you might come up with!
heatherriviere

[imthinkingoutloud]

Having moved to somewhere we had never visted and knew little about, here is some advice...
My 3 are older than yours, but I did a lot of research online and shared what I found with them. I let them research as well. They had fun researching their new schools even before we got here! We looked at pictures, talked to people from here or who had been here, and found out as much as we could. When the kids got here, we went to a local event within 2 days. They got to be a part of a celebration with our new neighbors, see our area, and dive right in. We had done so much talking and research that we knew our way around town so well none of us got lost once while out exploring! The kids did some exploring on their own around the neighborhoods, we spent time in town too.

Talk to them, share your knowledge of your new place, show them photos, make them a part of the entire experience. It will be different for them and they will need time to adjust...but kids are so resilient, they will probably adjust better and faster than you and your husband

Look into the local recreation center for summer activities for them. I live in Caldwell and am not familiar with what CDA offers, but I am sure there is plenty.

Good luck and dont worry too much

[heatherriviere]

Thanks imthinkingoutloud, we've done a LOT of research on the area but it's true that we haven't let them poke around on the computer too much for fear of them doing something to the system - it's a finicky old portable on its last legs and we don't want to kill it before the move!. I'll have them sit near by and look at the stuff we've put into our favorites...

Good idea about the festivities, we'll have to be sure to get there before the 4th of July. If the festivities in CdA are anything like I remember them being on the North Shore, that will immediately endear them to the US! What kid DOESN'T like candy, parades, fireworks??

We also promised them a dog once we get there! That made a definate change in their attitude...they were a bit hesitant about the idea of moving again when we first mentioned it, but now they are in a HURRY to go to the US!

We are thinking about putting them into a summer camp for a week, because we will probably be spending the month of July living in a hotel while we search for a house...We figure that going to camp will give them a chance to meet children from the area, help them work on their English so that they feel more comfortable with it by the time school starts, and will also keep them occupied with fun activities rather than traipsing around town looking at potential houses all summer. They've been to camp in France already so they were quite hip on the idea (we thought they'd be a little intimidated, not at all!)

I think you're right, they'll be just fine. It's a mother's "duty" to worry though!

heatherriviere

[Sage of Sagle]

With our kids, we moved them 1350 miles to get here...and they had never been to this area.

We did homework before the move, and located all the proper activities for our kids. Dance, soccer, gymnastics, guitar lessons, etc. We also started having the kids start picking out watersports gear so they could look forward to having something to take on the lake and river on our boat.

Of our 4 children, the youngest two have adapted extremely well and they're very entrenched here. Our middle child still misses "home" but after a year has now said to me "you know, home is wherever we're all together but I still miss my old friends". Our oldest child adapted and made friends, but is very clear that she wants to leave this area and go to college out of state, and rather than resist, we're supporting her desire but keeping her interested in things here for the next 2 years. I want to make this a place she'll enjoy coming back to visit, regardless of whare she lands long term.

I think the most important thing you can do is just be supportive and very open to listening to their myriad of mixed feelings about a move, and validate them all. When my parents moved us, any comment not positive was stifled with a lecture about "you don't have a choice, you go where we go". Duh...but they could have really made us all feel much better by acknowledging and validating our feelings about the move. That way, even if they don't like the new surroundings, they're comforted knowing that you understand them.

[Sandpointian]

My kids are your age, so I suggest focusing on timing and presentation.

Timing
Moving and buying in July will turn the best part of the year into a stressful event. Instead, I would rent a nice house in a nice area, convenient to all to get the feel for the town. Then once you buy, even if outside, you will have friends from all over the place. Beside, it will take you at least a couple of weeks to get to know the city neighborhoods and who knows, maybe you'll like going more rural. Either case, renting will take the pressure off. If you buy in July you won;t close until late August and the whole of summer will be gone. Therefore in April, I would find a place to rent for July (can you get there in June?).

Why move in June? You will grab that narrow shoulder season of a crisp Spring and pretty Summer. You will appreciate the summer more so and haev more time to enjoy. Arriving in July is too much and before you know it the kids will be in school and Fall will be here.

Also you have a chance to jump into summer classes if you arrive in June. July may be too late. Ideal time to start your lease is June 1st.

Try the following...arrive the last week of May for move in on June 1. Stay in a hotel. Gives you a week to sort out storage and get yourself oriented. Move in the first week of June with one new fun venture a day.

Then when all the logistics should be out of the way by mid June and voila only 10 weeks of beautiful summer and four weeks of early Fall are ahead of you. Ideal adjustment!


Presentation
Try to move with the perspective of ENJOYING the first two months. Kids are kids and will love the place.

If you can both take those first few months off, your kids will have an easy adjustment. If you have too much responsibility on the plate, your kids may end up resenting CDA.

If concerned about the adjustment, I would also overpay a bit on rent for the first year. Let them feel comfortable. The only risk then is if you downgrade into your purchase. But hopefully by then they will be in love with CDA.

Do a lot of legwork over the internet with tons of input from the kids. Be sure to indulge each of them on one thing. Again, don't be too tight fisted.

[pacalady]

Heather:

This is a GREAT post, with GREAT ideas!! Having grown up in this area and graduating from a class of 24 (the largest in history eons ago in Clark Fork) and having moved out of the area and then back ...I do have some some experience to share. My two kids also went to the same school, moved away, and now in their 30's are wanting to find ways to come back totheir ROOTS!! But they didn't have to sacrifice 'BRANCHING OUT'!.... If the branches are strong, they will hold! And you have a strong family tree!

Sage is right in that family support is important to a child, including supporting each child's endeavor.

I also agree that it is important for children of all ages to be a part of the 'discovery' of a new place to live ....via the internet thru e-mails with children their own age ..... or finding out about new schools and activities.

Back when I was a kid (LONG before instant messages via the internet!) we had 'pen pals' that we wrote to (Yes, in longhand writing). I am sure Sage and I can help you find communication ways for your girls that might ease the transition when they arrive, and any anxiety they might experience .... and give them an opportunity to meet a 'new friend' when they arrive! (Much like us adults communicating via the internet).

As a parent, I can certainly understand what a huge change this will be to all of your lives ....

I also know that we in Idaho welcome you and your family, and are equally as certain you won't be disappointed in the reception!

PacaLady

[heatherriviere]

Thanks everyone! The things that have reassured US as adults are the human contacts, the research on the area, photos photos and more photos, being able to choose where we want to live...why shouldn't the children be the same?

We were hoping to strike up a correspondance between the girls' future classes and their old school when we get there, but hadn't thought about organising something now. What a great idea, pacalady. I have already spoken with the school's director here in France about such a link between classes actually, and she is very interested to get something organised. (Children in France start learning a foreign language, usually English, as early as the equivalent of 2nd grade, and next year they will start in 1st grade.) It wouldn't matter if the American children didn't know French, it would be even more beneficial to the French children that they receive letters in English, actually...And I recently spoke with the Director of Curriculum for the CdA school district and learned that the International Baccalaureat program may be extended to some primary schools in CdA in the near future, and that Spanish will be the first foreign language taught at that level with French perhaps arriving later. We are ecstatic about that, as much about the Spanish as the French, actually. (ANY foreign language course at that level is welcome, in my opinion!! Children are intellectual sponges at that age!!) I'm going to contact the school district now to see if they are interested in implementing a penpal exchange this year in preparation of such a program...we'll see what they think...

I appreciate the suggestions regarding renting, and timing as far as summer school and summer in general go. Unfortunately the girls have school until July here (and we are already going to take them out of school early to leave for the US before the end of June, not that it really matters since they will be leaving the whole school system here...). But are scheduled to sign on the sale of our house here on June 24th (yes it's sold already!!). Unfortunately we CANNOT sign before then for tax purposes. I totally agree that our summer will be chaotic with the current timing, we need to think it over...my husband doesn't want to rent but rather buy immediately so that we can settle "for good" as soon as we arrive...we'll see...(I think the idea of moving all our stuff twice when we get there is influencing that decision. He doesn't exactly savor the idea of lifting beds/couches/boxes of books etc more than he needs to...)

Anyway, you've given me lots of food for thought, thank you, thank you!

[pacalady]

Heather:

I'll see what I can do to find a teacher (I have a couple friends that teach elementary, but grades 5 and higher) that might be able to help put your girls 'in touch' with Idaho students their same age. The fact that you have already talked to your own school is great!!! Good For YOU!! It will be a fun adventure for the kids returning to school this fall, and something really different to look forward to!!

As for activities during the months before school starts at the end of August and / or first of Sept., you might try looking at the calendars on our local television stations .... KREM.com, KXLY.com, and KHQ.com. Also try North Idaho College, University of Idaho, Lewis and Clark State College websites. They usually have pretty concise descriptions of various things going on, from Farmer's Markets, to street fairs, children's activities, senior citizen's activities, concerts, theater etc.

The local newspaper is available on line as well: Coeur d'Alene Press is our small local one, but we also get the Spokane newspaper, which is the Spokesman-Review.

The 10" of snow here while hubby was out of town last week, has now dwindled to about 3" with the warmer temps. However, tonight it is clear, and should be in the 20's with wind sustained at 40 mph tomorrow, with gusts to 60 mph. Going to be a challenge the next few days!!

BUT!!! Crocuses sprout at our house late Feb normally, as do the daffodils. By mid March the tulips are poking their heads out!! Only a few weeks after that ....late April, first of May the crias are due!!! And you will be here too!!! Can hardly wait!!!

I'm already checking my calendar!!!

PacaLady

[Landwatch]

I would advise that you should take the children along with you for the next trip. This way they can see the place and be prepared for the eventual shift. Also, make it clear to the children about the shift and try to create an excitement about the move among the children.