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Old 12-22-2007, 01:36 PM
3 posts, read 35,430 times
Reputation: 18


Hello, I have a mentally disabled brother who is 26 years old. My parents are old and are having difficulty supporting him. Is there help for me? I live in the Will County Illinois area. Any advise is greatly appreciated! Thanks and God Bless.
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Old 12-22-2007, 11:53 PM
19 posts, read 68,319 times
Reputation: 21
First, I would not suggest that you randomly join online communities to see if you can get free help--that just doesn't work.

Now, what you can do is look into local businesses that can help you. His doctors may have some ideas of what to do, so may the courthouse. You'll probably have to ask a lot of people and look into a lot of things, but you'll find something.

These kinds of things are not just going to fall into your lap. If you really want help, you'll need to work for it.

Don't forget to try the government. If he has a disability, then they should be able to help you with all your questions. The local government office in your area would be the best place to look.
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Old 12-25-2007, 02:04 PM
Location: No city lights here
1,282 posts, read 3,022,960 times
Reputation: 442
Does he attend school now? Group Homes? call one of these places see what advice they can give.

Department of aging might have advice for your folks - and get the help your brother needs as well.
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Old 01-06-2008, 07:48 PM
3 posts, read 35,430 times
Reputation: 18
Default Help for my mentally disabled brother...

Animal, Im not looking for free help, im looking for advice and/or tips for anyone with a similar situation.

2beamissourian, He doesn't attend school. Hes been out of school for some time when we lived in Chicago (Cook County), approximately 10 years after he graduated. My parents have made a poor decision on not following up with any kind of help because they were afraid he would get abused.

I since then married, noticing my parents burden, I moved them in with my family at Will County, I have contacted mentally disabled job assistance at 815-730-4200. But I think he'll need more help than that. he has grown to be very uncooperative and difficult to deal with, to the point that he controls my parents. I see them paying a toll with no direction.

Any helpful advice please email at rudy2000k@yahoo.com. Thanks in advance for any assistance.

- Rudy
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:38 PM
Location: Chicago's burbs
1,013 posts, read 3,262,516 times
Reputation: 890
Birdboyee, I have a disabled brother too, so maybe I can be of some help. What disability does your brother have? Mine has 18Q-, a chromosome disorder in which his 18th chromosome is shorter than the rest. My brother is 27 years old, and is unfortunately a severe case. He does not speak, has autistic like behaviors, and basically has the mental function of a 1-year-old in an adult man's body. (I have a 19-month-old son, and he communicates better than my brother.) He has lived at home with my parents since birth, and since he turned 18 he has been on waiting lists to get into group homes. He has had a handful of group homes interested in him since he went on waiting lists, some were no longer interested in him after seeing how difficult he can be, and some my Mother felt uncomfortable with. (Since my parents have always been his primary caregiver, they are picky (as they should be) and worry about finding the perfect spot for him. So needless to say, he still lives at home with my parents. They are still able to care for him, but my father just turned 60 and my mother 53 so I worry about when they no longer are able to care for him. My brother currently goes to a day school for the developmentally disabled while he waits for a group home placement. My mother goes through Access Services to find placements for him. (They help with both group home placements and day school placements.) Access Services Of Northern Illinois Looking at their website, it doesn't look like Access Services serves Will County (My parents are in Boone County, I'm actually in Will County area myself but have never looked into services for the developmentaly disabled in our area.) Maybe if you contact Access Services they can hook you up with the appropriate organization for Will County? Its a start?
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Old 01-07-2008, 07:06 PM
3 posts, read 35,430 times
Reputation: 18
Your brother's condition is almost identical as mine. I googled 18Q- to find out more about it, but he doesn't have that condition. My brother fell from his crib at an infant age causing severe brain damage. He too cannot speak as well.
He attended a special school in which he graduated at age 18, all special training stopped soon after that because my parents were afraid he would be abused by the system, in which they are paying a heavy toll now that he is 28 now. He is very uncooperative and difficult to handle. I'm still waiting for a call back from number I mentioned preciously. I'll look into Access Services Of Northern Illinois website mentioned and keep you posted. Thanks for the support!

- Rudy [rudy2000k@yahoo.com]
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Old 11-06-2011, 05:26 PM
Location: Not where you ever lived
10,973 posts, read 16,275,547 times
Reputation: 5492
I've had some experience with mental disabilities and I've learned some things. One of them is the legal responsibility for a child in an adult body. As long as your parents are willing and able to take care of their child, your feelings one the subject as a sister/brother is moot. That will change when you have Power of Attorney and Medical Power or Attorney. In reality it is very difficult to get anyone who is disruptive and also has a severe mental disability into a group home. If your sibling cannot dress himself, feed himself, and manage a shower and body functions. Another option is the church sponsored group homes it is a difficult situation for the family. You may find some help in these links.

1- DHS: Mental Health

Look at the types of housing available and the accompanying definitions. The link to the left of the definition is active.
2- Assisted Living Facilities in Illinois - Nursing Homes in Illinois | New LifeStyles Online
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Old 12-03-2011, 07:25 AM
1 posts, read 6,813 times
Reputation: 10
I'm if not sure if this site would be of any assistance, but is worth looking at. Even if you contact them for general information they most likely will be able to assist you with finding help. I am a certified hab aide and work in a 16 bed facility in central Illinois assisting developmentally disabled adults.. As for anyone who feels their relative may be neglected in any type of placement outside the home, my best advice would be to make random visits with no prior notice, make sure they understand you want to be immediately notified of all appointments and outcomes, and that you want to be notified immediately of any peer on peer aggression (sadly, it can and does happen). NEVER feel like you call, visit, or ask too many questions! This is your relative and you have a right to all information regarding them and their care. As an aide in my facility it is one of the saddest things to see individuals placed and family that hardly visits or calls. In my opinion, administration in a lot of group home settings (not all) , you are notified on a level of importance. Meaning, how important it is to them on how soon you are notified. Hope this can help you in some way.

[url=http://www.lssi.org/Service/HomesForAdultsWithDevelopmentalDisabilities.aspx]Lutheran Social Services of Illinois - Homes for Adults With Developmental Disabilities[/url]
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Old 12-03-2011, 09:44 AM
Location: Not where you ever lived
10,973 posts, read 16,275,547 times
Reputation: 5492
If anyone is interested there is support for seniors who care for a chronically ill spouse or child at home. It is through Senior Serivices of Illinois. They do have some suprisingly good resources.

It very important that someone in every family has a directive for the hanidcapped and chronically ill family member. If not voluntarily then by court order.

Factually, with good care and no disasterous event, the handicapped men can easily live to age seventy of longer. However the physical, financial and emotional toll of caring for someone who cannot care for themselves tears families apart and leaves human wreckage behind. Parents feel guilty and believe in their hearts they can care for an out of control adult when realistically they know they cannot. An experienced psychiatric male aide in the home every day is one option to give the aging parents some relief. They can have a life for a few hours every day. Most brothers and sisters don't want the job; they have families. Not wanting to care and be responsible for an out of control brother has nothing to do with not loving a brother or family but it very much has to do with guilt and wanting their own family to survive intact. It is a terrible emotional rollercoaster for the families involved. The real answer is to do what is best for the brother which is generally not what the parents expect or want - which is to protect their child.

Another family that is just as conflicted is one where the mother gave birth several times despite the fact she never developed mentally past the age of five. Her children have zero control and neither wants to go to court and get Power of Attorney. They live with an angry, out of control, 60- year old child while they try to work.
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