You Know You're From Illinois When: (Chicago, Carbondale: house, neighborhood, construction)

[doll lady]

Just thought I would put this on here just for a great kick start laugh on a cold wintery day.

These are simply a part of the joke and not intended to insult anyone and I hope that you read it with that in mind. Hey....I AM from downstate Illinois! I had a good time reading these and hope you do too.


You Know You're From Downstate Illinois When:

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

You measure distance in minutes.

You know several people who have hit a deer....and sometimes the same deer.

Your school classes were canceled because of the cold.

Your school classes were canceled because of the heat.

Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary proposition. For example: "Where's my coat at?" or If you go to town I wanna go with."

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car.

You don't pronounce the "s" in Illinois like the rest of the world.

Vacation means going to Six Flags.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

You know if another Illinoisan is from southern, central or northern Illinois as soon they open their mouth.

You know which tree leaves make good toilet paper.

You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter and Construction.

You think that deer season in a national holiday.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages from sports.

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

You actually understand these jokes and probably will send them to a lot of your friends.



Doll lady from Illinois......Illinois = my home and always feels good to come home no matter where I've been.

[j33]

Haha. Funny, I've seen similar jokes passed around for most of the rural areas of the Midwest, but this is true for everyone in the state, rural and urban --- "You know if another Illinoisan is from southern, central or northern Illinois as soon they open their mouth." ... Ain't that the truth.

I was sent one for my locale not to long ago (my comments are in parenthesis)

You know you are from Chicago when...

You live two miles from work and it takes an hour to drive there (or to get there by the bus, this happened just this week)

You drink at bars called "Bud on Tap" or "Old Style" - no names for the bars, just beer signs out front.(my landlord owns one of them, it is two doors down from my two-flat)

It's January and you see someone's kitchen chair in the street, and you know that if you put it back on the sidewalk you will be shot on sight. (we are currently in dibs high season, ugh)

You don't flinch when you pay the fifth toll of your 45 minute car ride on the highway (the skyway is evil)

You've played 16-inch softball (I love those big softballs, they look so funny flying through the air)

You've tried several times to identify the Picasso sculpture in Daley Plaza, and have decided it's just a big baboon. (and now we have a giant bean! yay)

You think anything south of I-80 is Southern Illinois. (don't tell llama214, okay?)

You're not sure what state Carbondale is in. (uh... no comment there

You know Lincoln Towing is Satan incarnate (they even had a song written about them "Lincoln Park Pirates". I remember)

You've paid $105 for towing, $30 for more than one "street cleaning" ticket, $58 for a city vehicle sticker, and $70 for a license plate sticker and chalk it all up to "neighborhood taxes." (the prices have risen since then, and they forgot the 'broken window' fee, budgeting car break-ins into your annual budget)

You recognize all the street signs and El stops in the John Cusack movie "High Fidelity." (heh, I live by the neighborhood it was filmed in)

You've cursed at a cyclist, pedestrian, or in-line skater on the lakefront path. One day I am going to hit one of them! (I've been hit by one of them)

You know the significance of State and Madison. (you betcha!)

You don't miss Planet Hollywood (I remember passing by it on the bus when it was being built, and was thrilled when it closed)

You can decipher a WMAQ traffic report, but your out of town passenger thinks it's just gibberish.(I was asked once incredulously, 'you understand that?'

Grocery stores are the only type of retail entity that get a definite article: "I'm going to The Jewel" or "I'll stop by The Dominick's on the way home." (Sadly, I've been known to utter those phrases)

You give driving distances in minutes or blocks, never in miles. (I think of everything in terms of blocks, it is sad really)

You can tell within minutes of meeting someone if they're probably a Cubs fan or a Sox fan (mostly true, but things are starting to change)

[Steve-o]

LOL Nice lists! That WMAQ traffic report one had me rolling... LOL

You know youre from Illinois when:

After a week of sub zero temperatures, 40 degree weather feels "warm".

All the pro sports teams' championship titles combined can be counted on one hand (not really).

You know what "FIB" means and you take offense to it.

Youve been to the Dells several times.

Chicago is Chicago and anything else is "downstate".

You can pronounce the name "Illinois" correctly. Its NOT Illi-noise people!!! Its Ill-innoy.

[joker]

You know you're from Illinois when;
-You have a slight disability and you never, ever feel welcomed in your own community.
-You get arrested for saying "Hi" to an attractive woman in Du Page County.
-The streets and highways look like a stampede.
-The only time you are welcomed into the community is if you are top notch popular and attractive yourself.
-You are paying taxes that make taxes in South Florida look like a walk in the park.

[Steve-o]

You know youre from Illinois when:

1. When your cousing (like mine) has Leukodystrophy, and is dying, but gets treated like a king everywhere he goes because people around here are sympathetic to his condition.

2. When the cops stop you on a dark street just to ask you if everything is ok (this happened to me and my wife a few times).

3. People sit around and complain about the state and make up horrendous lies about it.

If you really think you get arrested for saying "hi" to someone, then you did more than just say "hi".

[doll lady]

Oh I forgot one......

In my small town....when you get divorced, you are still cousins. LOL

[triton1]

Originally Posted by joker

You know you're from Illinois when;
-You have a slight disability and you never, ever feel welcomed in your own community.
-You get arrested for saying "Hi" to an attractive woman in Du Page County.
-The streets and highways look like a stampede.
-The only time you are welcomed into the community is if you are top notch popular and attractive yourself.
-You are paying taxes that make taxes in South Florida look like a walk in the park.

lmbo, JOKER!!!

[gardener34]

"You've played 16-inch softball"

Is there any other kind of softball? The first time I saw a 12 inch softball it was in college. I am sorry but that is just a giant baseball, nothing soft about it...

[ITChick]

Love reading these! The Jewel and Dominicks is so true. lol

I do have to listen closely to the WMAQ traffic reports or I tend to think their "gibberish" too ('gapers block' is my favorite!).

[mikea54]

hey JOKER, move away from Chi town. The farther south you get from Chicago, the bigger the smile that takes over your face.