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Old 05-06-2010, 07:24 AM
 
Location: IN
2 posts, read 2,416 times
Reputation: 16
Unhappy Moving To Indiana From Michigan...& I am NERVOUS

My husband (40 yrs) & I (47 yrs) are moving to Floyd County IN at the end of this month. He used to live there for 19 yrs, but hasn't lived there for the past 5 years. He & I live here in MI where I was born,raised & have never left. I have been to IN with him now several times & I love the area. I love the beauty that you can see from Louisville KY,the convenience of everything, yet the quiet. He has his best friends still there & they are all very nice to me & have no problem with any of them. Work here in MI for him has been difficult & has put not only the financial but relationship stress on us for too long.His old boss in IN wants him to return & come back to work for him, so work there is a guarantee. We sold our place & I quit my job of 10 years (which carried the health benefits) & we are moving to IN to start over & change the pace of things. My daughter is going to be 21 on Mother's Day & she has been on her own since she was 17 & she plans to move to Fl with her 2 friends in August. My son just turned 17 & is out of school & he is going with us. My problem?...I'M NERVOUS & SAD. I am leaving one of my sisters (whom I am VERY close with) behind with her husband & their 3 boys, who are my sons only friends really, because they live 5 houses down from us.
It is only a 5 1/2 hour drive & I KNOW we will see each other a lot more than most people who move away, farther, will. I am just nervous about not having the comfort of calling it home, which is my safety net for me. When I am bored or anxious..I just go hang with my sister & we talk,walk or go shopping. She has anxiety too & I am the only one she comes to as well. We lost our mom back on December 1st & THAT was REALLY a huge hurt for us as this sister & I were the closest to her. Our dad has been gone for 26 years, so we are now parent-less & really only have each other. Her one son came with us once & loved it there & he keeps bugging her to move also, but she said she wouldn't unless the other boys will & they are 19 & 21 & have friends here they don't want to leave, plus ALL the home sports teams we have compared to Indiana. My son says he is excited about going, but said he will miss the home sports teams as well. He is quiet & shy & spends a lot of time on the computer & xbox.
I am afraid of a panic attack & anxiety spells (again,like I used to have) returning & making me a miserable person(& for my son too who has them) I have always been a hometown girl,momma's girl & sisters best friend.Now in a matter of less than 6 months I lost my mom, & now moving from sis & the nephews & I am scared. ANY..words of encouragement will be appreciated as this is starting to make me want to back out,yet life here in MI is miserable & there is not a lot going on (work & fun) & when you do want to go somewhere, it takes too long & the town we live in now is small & boring. I hate the long winters & I also hate my daughter moving so far away from me,regardless of where I live she is going to Fl.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
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Old 05-06-2010, 08:32 AM
 
256 posts, read 459,478 times
Reputation: 60
Well Id think you'd want what your daughter wants, you cant keep them kinds forever and if Florida is where she wants to be, then you have to respect what makes her happy will also make you happy... as far as moving to Indiana, I mean come on people have to move alot further away then that and without even a job guarantee, this way your family has a job guarantee and also is right next to Michigan. Besides, Michigan really has been in a recession for over 10 years, and does not have anything going on. I plan to move near Chicago myself, although I'm younger then you I see myself being 6 hours away from home myself and to me thats a breeze compared to some people that have to get on a plane to come home. Maybe a change will do you and your familiy good, you cant always live the same life, because before you know it you will be older and then its too late for change.
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Old 05-06-2010, 09:17 AM
 
336 posts, read 500,160 times
Reputation: 86
As someone that has had anxiety too, I understand. But also know, being afraid of having panic and anxiety is the perfect recipe to invite it back in your life. You have a lot of life changes going on, but try to see them as positive, a time to focus on yourself. We are moving too, I understand the fear & anxiety. But the move will be what you make it. You will also create a new normal with your daughter being in Florida. It is not idea to not be close to family, but it is manageable- you will find the time you do have together for visits is really "quality" time. Sometimes anticipation is worse than the actual event. It will be okay, as I tell myself, millions of people move, survive & even thrive!
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Old 05-06-2010, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Valparaiso, IN
33,516 posts, read 5,967,408 times
Reputation: 74008
LoveyGal, my heart goes out to you. It is easy for me to say, "Look at the positives!" I understand how anxious you are about leaving behind all that is familiar to you. Your reaction is perfectly normal. My best advice is to get involved in some volunteer work, a church, or something as soon as possible after you move to IN. Having the distraction may help you to feel less trapped and you will quickly make friends who can help you through the transitional time. It may also help you cope with the grief over losing your mom. Hopefully, your husband is supportive and understanding of your anxiety over the move, and will help you assimilate into life in IN and introduce you to some friends who will welcome you with open arms and hearts.

You are moving to a beautiful part of Indiana (I live in NWI); I've been there many times. The people are wonderful in that area, and I'm betting you will feel welcomed and comfy there pretty quickly.

You can keep in touch with your MI relatives and your daughter via phone, e-mail, texting, etc. That will help. And, as you said, the drive isn't terribly long, so you and your sis will be able to zip to and from each other for visits.

Welcome to Indiana! I wish you all the best.
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Old 05-06-2010, 11:52 AM
 
44 posts, read 56,239 times
Reputation: 38
I can totally understand your concerns. If I understand correctly, you have never lived anywhere but in the same town all your life? If so , I can totally relate to how you feel. I have just went through a second relocation with my husband and boys due to my husband's company he has been with for our entire marriage (16years). I had grown up in a small town in WV and lived their 36 years. I left my parents, siblings and large extended family of cousins, grandparents, aunts uncles and friends. My husband moved around a good bit growing up. So the transition was not as hard on him. We were relocated to Georgia in 2006. It was very difficult transition for me but I also was very excited about experiencing a new place and what it had to offer. The first year was difficult. I got homesick alot and we were not able to visit very often. We saw each other twice a year . ( We took a trip up and my family took a trip down.) But, when we did visit with each other we made the most of our time together and it was great. The thing that helped me alot was getting involved in the community and making friends. I had young children and the town we moved too had many things to get involved in and I truly feel our quality of life was really good there. Over time we made wonderful friends who became like family which was awesome. Another thing that helped me was when I started working again outside the home. (I had taken two years off when we moved and had two kids under the age of 5.) I began to feel more a part of the community and established friendships at work as well. I really felt like I was at home again. It sounds like you are at an advantage with you husband being familiar with the area and having friends and such which will make things a little easier for you than having to move where you really don't know anyone. I'm glad that you will not be too far from your sister. It sounds like you can visit on weekends which is great. You all will miss each other alot and you will probably talk on the phone alot which is okay. Whatever works for you all. I am now readjusting to a new location in Ohio since last summer. I am only a two hour drive from my family which has been nice, but I don't really like where I live now. So it's still difficult because the day to day life is not so easy. But I know that as time goes on things will improve as I have been thru this phase before and grew to love the new location. It will take some time and be patient with yourself. It's not an easy thing to do. I wish you all the best. It sounds like you are moving to a great area. Look at the positives. It will help you get through the difficulties.
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Old 05-06-2010, 01:08 PM
 
3,759 posts, read 7,683,472 times
Reputation: 1101
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveyGal View Post
My husband (40 yrs) & I (47 yrs) are moving to Floyd County IN at the end of this month. He used to live there for 19 yrs, but hasn't lived there for the past 5 years. He & I live here in MI where I was born,raised & have never left. I have been to IN with him now several times & I love the area. I love the beauty that you can see from Louisville KY,the convenience of everything, yet the quiet. He has his best friends still there & they are all very nice to me & have no problem with any of them. Work here in MI for him has been difficult & has put not only the financial but relationship stress on us for too long.His old boss in IN wants him to return & come back to work for him, so work there is a guarantee. We sold our place & I quit my job of 10 years (which carried the health benefits) & we are moving to IN to start over & change the pace of things. My daughter is going to be 21 on Mother's Day & she has been on her own since she was 17 & she plans to move to Fl with her 2 friends in August. My son just turned 17 & is out of school & he is going with us. My problem?...I'M NERVOUS & SAD. I am leaving one of my sisters (whom I am VERY close with) behind with her husband & their 3 boys, who are my sons only friends really, because they live 5 houses down from us.
It is only a 5 1/2 hour drive & I KNOW we will see each other a lot more than most people who move away, farther, will. I am just nervous about not having the comfort of calling it home, which is my safety net for me. When I am bored or anxious..I just go hang with my sister & we talk,walk or go shopping. She has anxiety too & I am the only one she comes to as well. We lost our mom back on December 1st & THAT was REALLY a huge hurt for us as this sister & I were the closest to her. Our dad has been gone for 26 years, so we are now parent-less & really only have each other. Her one son came with us once & loved it there & he keeps bugging her to move also, but she said she wouldn't unless the other boys will & they are 19 & 21 & have friends here they don't want to leave, plus ALL the home sports teams we have compared to Indiana. My son says he is excited about going, but said he will miss the home sports teams as well. He is quiet & shy & spends a lot of time on the computer & xbox.
I am afraid of a panic attack & anxiety spells (again,like I used to have) returning & making me a miserable person(& for my son too who has them) I have always been a hometown girl,momma's girl & sisters best friend.Now in a matter of less than 6 months I lost my mom, & now moving from sis & the nephews & I am scared. ANY..words of encouragement will be appreciated as this is starting to make me want to back out,yet life here in MI is miserable & there is not a lot going on (work & fun) & when you do want to go somewhere, it takes too long & the town we live in now is small & boring. I hate the long winters & I also hate my daughter moving so far away from me,regardless of where I live she is going to Fl.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
The culture is much different but you will enjoy it. You are moving to warmer weather, a better economy, and a more progressive metro area. Floyd County is a Louisville suburb, so feel free to post in the Louisville forums. Welcome, there are tons of Michigan people relocating to the area.
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Old 05-06-2010, 01:55 PM
 
5,019 posts, read 8,602,700 times
Reputation: 6721
^^^ Some great advice here.

Two thoughts to (hopefully) brighten your day:

1. You'll be a little closer to your daughter than you would be if you remained in MI
2. You'll have a little bit less "winter". I'm about an hour north of Louisville and I notice they get "spring" 2-3 weeks before we do. And usually less snow.
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Old 05-07-2010, 08:16 AM
 
369 posts, read 207,377 times
Reputation: 118
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveyGal View Post
I hate the long winters & I also hate my daughter moving so far away from me,regardless of where I live she is going to Fl.
You need to focus on what is important, and that is your son and husband foremost. When I was growing up, my _entire_ family was basically in Indy. There were some cousins of my grandfather who moved out to the east coast, and there was a cousin of my mom who moved down south. Other than that, everyone was here. So I kinda grew up like you did, focusing too much on location=home=ALL relatives. I have since discovered that home is what you make of it. Still, no one has moved far away. Only one cousin has moved to Chicago, and will be in DC for a few months, then maybe back to Indiana. He is in the military, and he doesn't focus on family location = home. What is important isn't those who live away with you, it is those who live _with_ you. Right now, your focus should be your son and husband, and for you, finding a job!

Currently I rarely see my relatives like I used to. It isn't that I don't have time, I just don't make the time to see them. I don't feel that I am missing out. Some have kids they are dealing with, others do other things, my wife and I just hangout at home and work.

I think you need to really talk with your daughter. Not to get her to come home, but to ask her how she copes with the idea of moving away. What clicked in her that home doesn't equal a specific place. She might be able to offer some advice on why her vision of home is now where near your vision.

I had the same concerns you have, only due to family living here. I am not longer of that view point. I personally see myself living out in the mountain west. The cities/towns I could see myself living in: Kalispell, MT, Rapid City, SD, Boise, ID, and Chyenne, WY. My wife, her extended family is all over. Her parents are still here, so is her sister. However, her sister has already made comments that she is not tied to this area. Her dad once commented about retiring to S. Illinois, but her mom wasn't sure. As such, I don't know if I will ever move. Where I am at now is easy job wise. I am in a field where there are age limits in some states, and aging itself hurts future moves. The money is great in some areas, horrible in others. I am of average income, my wife less so. My goal right now is to stay here. If I have kids, I really don't want to move them once they get older and have friends in school. I can see moving while they are in elementry school, but after that, I would likely stay put unless I was basically forced to move.

The one thing I have come to realize: Being able to move about the country opens up a lot more opportunity. Once I got out of my life, I realized that there are many, many people who I work with, went to college with, etc. that _had_ to move. Factory jobs in Indiana were dying, and parents who worked in those jobs saw it, and told their kids to do what they need to do. For most, that means moving to where jobs are, to where they feel it is best to raise their family the way they seem fit.

Last edited by Ravekid; 05-07-2010 at 08:29 AM..
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Old 05-07-2010, 10:39 AM
 
Location: IN
2 posts, read 2,416 times
Reputation: 16
Wink Thank You!

Thank You all for your advice. I was taken back by all that cared to read & to reply. Your all right & I know it will all be o.k. I just have to adjust is all & I know the things to keep me busy until the comfort sets in there too. Thank you all again & I pray that you all get what you desire in your life & as life comes your way in its many directions.
I am here to talk as well if any need.
Thank You again & God Bless you all!
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Old 05-07-2010, 02:43 PM
 
2,652 posts, read 5,357,761 times
Reputation: 2540
Give yourself the gift of time also. It takes awhile to acquire the simple familiarity of a new place that the old one already has.

When we moved for the corporation, it took me 6 months to find all the ordinary things I needed, like doctor, vet, hair dresser and all those. Then it was 2 years until it was really "home" to me. Then darn the corporation moved us back. Started all over.

Even though we have been in Indy for over 30 years, Alaska where I grew up will still be the "home place" for me. Probably still will be in 20 more years. But I love it in Indy and feel so comfortable now that I dont really want to leave. Parents are in NY and CA with a brother in Alaska. They are still family.
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