What is the age a child can decide on who to live with ? (Arthur: home)

[LeAnne1968]

I have recently moved about 45 minutes away from my hometown to have a better life/job, unfortunately that meant having to make the choice to move away from my children. Without their consent, I never would have moved, but they were fine with it. I'm still very much a part of their life, just can't be with them everyday like before. (ages 14 & 16) Their Dad & I have always had joint physical & joint legal custody up until I moved. Which now, he has them the majority of the time due to their schooling. We've hit a bump in the road and I want to know what age is considered to be when you can "choose" which parent you want to live with.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated..... thanks

[Luke9686]

I believe when you are under the age of 18, the court chooses for you. Contact an attorney.

[Tek_Freek]

If 18 isn't an issue (and I think it is) age is probably less of a determining factor than maturity.

[capitalcityguy]

How sad for your children that you've created a situation where this question even has to be asked.

Yes, that is very judgemental comment, but forgive me for worrying about children. How many studies have to come out demonstrating the importance of a stable home life for kids before people stop thinking about their own self interests and start worrying about how they are damaging their children?

I have recently moved about 45 minutes away from my hometown to have a better life/job, unfortunately that meant having to make the choice to move away from my children.

How about a better life for your children??? You're a parent. It shouldn't be about YOU.

[WeeMadArthur]

Originally Posted by capitalcityguy

How about a better life for your children??? You're a parent. It shouldn't be about YOU.

Its not like she is moving from little kids that need constant care. At 14 and 16 I think she can start to worry about herself a little more and the kids a little less. I wouldn't be concerned about moving 45 minutes away. That isn't far at all. I drive longer than that to get to work.

[SJU]

Children can choose when they are no longer children (18). When they are as old as yours, the court will hear their opinion and take it under consideration, but the decision is not up to the child.

[capitalcityguy]

Originally Posted by WeeMadArthur

Its not like she is moving from little kids that need constant care. At 14 and 16 I think she can start to worry about herself a little more and the kids a little less. I wouldn't be concerned about moving 45 minutes away. That isn't far at all. I drive longer than that to get to work.

If you don't think 14 or 16 year olds need a stable home environment (even though they are not "little kids"), I guess we'll have to disagree on that point. It isn't about "constant care".

With helpful responses/attitudes like this, is there any wonder there is an all-time high in anti-depressant prescriptions being dolled out to your nation's teenagers?

And how can you compare a 45 minute commute to this situation since you come home each night? Can you say apples to oranges?

[WeeMadArthur]

Being 45 minutes away is hardly "moving away." If she can't make the effort to see her kids thats a different matter. They don't need to see her every day. It would be nice but it sounds like that probably stopped some time ago anyways. I don't think LeAnne should feel bad about moving 45 mins away.

My point with comparing to my commute is that it is not hard to drive that far every day. Especially if you have kids to see. I'd much rather go see my kids than drive an hour each way to work (like I do now).

Now, if I misunderstood and she isn't really moving 45 mins away but much further... thats different.

[Milliano]

In terms of opinion rather than rule/law, I think it's highly dependent on the individual children and the family environment. Some kids are plenty old enough at 14-16, but some really should get close parental atmosphere. Depends on their situation, personalities, needs, problems, goals, etc etc.. Obviously if either of them have any signs of the possibility of having issues with school, work, social problems, depression, anxiety, etc etc, it might be bad to move away.

People really commute an hour to work? My god. No offense, but that sounds insane.

[Luke9686]

And we wonder why we have the issues now a days that were not issues 20 years ago. "Oh well, I guess I'll just see my kids on the weekends." Even 14-16 year olds need parents there every day.

Oh and here in the bay area (northern Cali), millions of people commute more than an hour to work. That would suck. My commute takes about 30 minutes and drives me nuts.