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Old 03-17-2010, 11:43 AM
 
5,906 posts, read 5,185,281 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no1brownsfan View Post
Yep! And men who beat their wives or any woman for that matter, are cowards! Marriage by no means is easy ( I posted a little something on the divorce thread.. check it out)... but in the end, the key is to respect each others difference, and most important to remain friends. I tell others, and my wife constantly that I married my best friend, and I truly mean it! It will be almost 10 years in September.
Congratulations to you both! I married my best friend 2 years ago, and it's undoubtedly the happiest I have ever been. We discuss without shouting, resolve differences without violence or verbal abuse....I cannot FATHOM a marriage devoid of respect of any sort. I experienced that twice before. Never again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ting ling View Post
,i gotta its very simple !!
! Allah can create pearls with numerous corners so that Beleivers ( Muslims ) can enjoy that many Wives in heavens
Thank you. You've just reinforced my belief that Islam, in so many respects, exists because of sexism and repression, with violence used in a way to enforce a false sense of superiority over others (be they women or 'infidels').

That its followers cannot face those facts (and denounce them, loudly) is its greatest tragedy.
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:45 AM
 
Location: A great city, by a Great Lake!
15,908 posts, read 10,073,794 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayneinspain View Post
Congratulations to you both! I married my best friend 2 years ago, and it's undoubtedly the happiest I have ever been. We discuss without shouting, resolve differences without violence or verbal abuse....I cannot FATHOM a marriage devoid of respect of any sort. I experienced that twice before. Never again.



Thank you. You've just reinforced my belief that Islam, in so many respects, exists because of sexism, repression, and violence.

That its followers cannot face those facts (and denounce them, loudly) is its greatest tragedy.

Thank you Rayne... and to you as well. Good luck to you, and God bless.
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Old 03-17-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by no1brownsfan View Post
Thank you Rayne... and to you as well. Good luck to you, and God bless.
Thank you

I wonder what thoughts occur to those unaccustomed to respect and equality in marriage when they see that it not only exists, but actually thrives.

To experience it themselves, they would first have to erase their fears and superstitions of women and replace them with something approaching reality.
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:06 PM
 
Location: egypt
1,215 posts, read 2,038,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayneinspain View Post
To some extent, yes. Where you and I most likely differ is WHICH person should have that final say.

In my marriage, differences are resolved through discussion and compromise. There is no pattern of either one of us making all final decisions....BECAUSE WE RESPECT EACH OTHER.

In fact, there are almost no major decisions in our marriage that had to be decided by only one of us, to the detriment of the other's wishes. Nearly everything we decide is done together in full agreement.
offcouse , islam encourage such relation you have with your husband , it will be better and most benefits to all if the problems be resolved through discussion and compromise

but what if the discussion and compromise didn't work ?
please you have to look at the verses from this point of view .
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible.

edit
i can see that may be we will differ in WHICH person should have that final say , i have no problem with that . you can tell me who and the reasons you have , and i will tell you " Who " and my reasons either

Last edited by elwill; 03-17-2010 at 12:18 PM..
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:11 PM
 
Location: egypt
1,215 posts, read 2,038,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayneinspain View Post
Exactly! A marriage in which violence is seen as acceptable is not a marriage based on love or respect.

It is one based on domination...usually in favor of a coward.
offcourse ,
i completely agree with you
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Old 03-17-2010, 12:24 PM
 
5,906 posts, read 5,185,281 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elwill View Post
offcouse , islam encourage such relation you have with your husband , it will be better and most benefits to all if the problems be resolved through discussion and compromise


but what if the discussion and compromise didn't work ?
please you have to look at the verses from this point of view .
The purpose of obedience in the relationship is to keep the family unit running as smoothly as possible.
Discussion and compromise DO work, especially if there is a longterm history of good communication already in place.

What is more important to you? Harmony?

Or 'winning'?

Healthy relationships are not filled with victors and victims. They are filled, instead, by partners who derive joy out of the other's happiness without giving up their own sense of self or dignity.

I'm sorry, I just can't explain it any other way.

Btw, my husband knows that, if he were to ever strike me, it would mean the immediate end of our relationship. On that, I will not compromise. EVER.

Quote:
Originally Posted by elwill View Post
edit
i can see that may be we will differ in WHICH person should have that final say , i have no problem with that . you can tell me who and the reasons you have , and i will tell you " Who " and my reasons either
Elwill, you completely missed the point of my post.

There is NO ONE PERSON who is in charge of final decisions in my marriage. Not my husband, not me.

Compromise, for us, means that neither of us will always get their way. It is always a process of give and take, with some things favoring one person one time, the other person another time.

That is what true friends do.
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:09 AM
 
1,554 posts, read 1,578,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodpasture View Post
pearls are round. they have no corners

This is not the Quran; it is only a prophetic tradition, which can be true or fabricated.
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:13 AM
 
1,554 posts, read 1,578,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodpasture View Post
What a crock of nonsense............

The nonsense are your words, and you could not answer the question who is the leader of the family; because we know that even any company or office has to have a chief and a leader, which does not mean a tyrant.
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:18 AM
 
1,554 posts, read 1,578,776 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rayneinspain View Post
I happen to agree.

My husband and I agreed that the word "obey" would NOT be in my portion of the wedding vows.

We came to our marriage as equal partners. The idea that one of us should be inherently submissive to the other is personally disgusting to me.

This is your personal view and opinion.

Now let us speak scientifically and logically: but on another post not here
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Old 03-18-2010, 12:21 AM
 
1,554 posts, read 1,578,776 times
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Friends, this is only to friends, don't take this so rigid.
Who will be over and who will be below?
Who will be the doer and who will be the done with?
Who will be the giver and the other one the receiver?
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