I am having a difficult time in Fernandina Beach- please help (Bell: for sale, hair salon)

[Doctor Octagon]

Originally Posted by StarlaJane

I do not live in FB but I do know what you are talking about; I have experienced the same kind of treatment in FL (and I have lived in alot of different places--small towns, even--where I didn't experience nastiness even close to what I have experienced here.)
I have found a lot of people in FL to be everything that you have stated (I won't list it all.) The thing that bothers me the most is the gossip, which is so completely rampant. I also can't stand it when people say, "Oh, just ignore it", which is an insensitive oversimplification.
I have found FL to be very narrow-minded. Some people label it as "small town" but I don't think that the size of an area has anything to do with this type of behavior; I think it has more to do with it being a very traditional and conservative area--the kind of area where people behave a certain way, and ostracize you if you don't behave the same way (or seem strange to them, or "different" in some way, even if you are not.)
I could go on and on about the non-sensical nature of this behavior but it really is pointless. It isn't going to change no matter how ridiculous and mean it is.
So you have two options: try to seek out people who are not like that in FB and stay away from all the rest (you might be lonley and frustrated for a while, though, as the people you are seeking seem to be in short supply) or speak to your husband and tell him that you are unhappy and suggest a move. But I would not leave him. If I know the kind of people you are talking about, that is probably exactly what they want, especially if they are jealous of you or view you as some kind of a threat b/c you do not behave like they do.
But please, do remember to keep your chin up and don't let the turkeys get you down (or even get to you, period.) Also, remember that it is not "just you." All you have to do is scan the FL forum to see that there is alot of this sort of stuff [that you are experiencing] going around.

I wish FL were more traditional and conservative. But most areas in FL are not traditional and conservative IMO, atleast not below the I-4 corridor (with some exceptions).

[staywarm2]

Originally Posted by newtoflorida

But in Fernandina Beach, the natives are standoffish in a different way. They seem impersonal and almost resentful that outsiders are invading their turf. Just my opinion. I don't think they are mean people- I just sense that they don't like outside competition in many arenas, if that makes any sense. I have never met a native who I regarded as a snob or snooty. They just seem angry, or resentful.... or something. Like I said, I can't peg it. I will offer an example of something that happened recently. I was at a party hosted at an acquaintance's home- this lady was an actual native. Many of the attendees were natives as well, and they are married to natives who own businesses in town. At one point, when we were all standing in the Living Room of the home, some of the women started pointing out the travertine and judging it, as though we were in the midst of a HGTV show. The other woman started talking about her husband's new golf clubs that cost a certain amount... yada yada yada. When I began talking about current events and wordly issues, some of them looked right at me and said, "Where are you from?" I told them that I was from Charleston. When they asked me what my husband did, I replied, "My husband is a surgeon in Jacksonville." They just looked at me with this serious, stern look, as though I had done something wrong. I was as friendly as I could be and they still acted standoffish AFTER I answered their questions. Afterwards, they began talking about traveling. I had already been to the place they were discussing and when I offered them some information about it, they said absolutely nothing to me. They looked at me with a snide look on their face. They may as well have said, "We didn't ask you" from the looks on their faces. And it didn't stop there. Since one of the attendee's daughters is leaving for college in the fall, the topic of college came up, at which time most of the women said, "Well I didn't go to college." One of them asked me, "Did you go to college?" I responded, "Yes, I obtained my Bachelor of Arts and my Masters." Again, no response. In fact, one of the women put her glass down and walked out of the room. While walking to my car after the party, some of the women were huddled in a circle outside the home, looking at my car. As I approached the vehicle, I said goodbye and thanked the hostess for having me. NONE of the women said goodbye to me and just looked at me like I was an alien. Now, the thing to keep in mind here is that these people were nice to me before they found out certain things about me. And this has happened over and over again. I don't think of it as snootiness or snobbery- I think of it as resentment.

You sound like you are trying very hard to fit in and make friends, and genuinely want to be part of the community. That being said, I wonder if the way you answer questions and the way you carry yourself or dress is offputting. Maybe these people think YOU are a snob. Certainly doctors hold a special place in society and that probably carries over to their wives. You can say your husband works at the hospital, not that he is a surgeon or a doctor. Like the above poster said, you can just answer "yes" to the college question or maybe say something about it was fun to be with the other college kids, etc., or tell a funny story about it.

Have you asked your husband if he has any particular doctor that he works with that he likes? Maybe that man's wife would be willing to take you under her wing and help you adjust to a difficult situation.

What about the "Newcomers" clubs, or "Red Hat Society?" Sounds like you need to get away from these people you've been in contact with and branch out to different kinds of people. And maybe some meaningful volunteer work would make you feel better in general.

Good luck with all this. I live in a place where people are not friendly, and I feel your pain.

[StarlaJane]

Originally Posted by Doctor Octagon

I wish FL were more traditional and conservative. But most areas in FL are not traditional and conservative IMO, atleast not below the I-4 corridor (with some exceptions).

Of course, it depends on what you are comparing it to... but, yes, I find FL to be very traditional (not Miami, though.)
I was really responding to the OP's experiences, which to me sound like typical traditional and conservative behaviors, i.e unwelcoming of "outsiders" or other people who are labeled/seen as "different" and the requisite ostracizing that goes with it. I have met a lot of people in FL who behave this way.
In fact, after the most recent presidential election, the PBPost published a story that illustrated republican and democratic counties in FL and all but Miami were overwhelmingly republican. In fact, the whole state is considered a "red state."
So I guess your def of conservative is a bit different than mine, but I know what you mean. In terms of conservative--although I still contend that FL is conservative--it is not as conservative as, say, Texas.

[Tru Fan]

Originally Posted by StarlaJane

Of course, it depends on what you are comparing it to... but, yes, I find FL to be very traditional (not Miami, though.)
I was really responding to the OP's experiences, which to me sound like typical traditional and conservative behaviors, i.e unwelcoming of "outsiders" or other people who are labeled/seen as "different" and the requisite ostracizing that goes with it. I have met a lot of people in FL who behave this way.
In fact, after the most recent presidential election, the PBPost published a story that illustrated republican and democratic counties in FL and all but Miami were overwhelmingly republican. In fact, the whole state is considered a "red state."
So I guess your def of conservative is a bit different than mine, but I know what you mean. In terms of conservative--although I still contend that FL is conservative--it is not as conservative as, say, Texas.

Unfortunately, this is untrue. I wish FL were more red than blue, but after the last election, FL turned blue, which hasnt happened in years. PBC, Broward and Dade are blue counties I believe. Orange Co, Osceola Co, Leon Co in the panhandle were also blue I believe. I think a lof of it is people jumping on the Obama bandwagon though.

[BlueWillowPlate]

Originally Posted by HIF

One thing that has helped me get over the rascism and bigotry in Jax was to make up my mind to look for the kinds of people that I wanted to see.

Yes--works for me.

Originally Posted by newtoflorida

I don't think Felix has ever presented a real threat to anyone, and I think that's one of the reasons they like him.

Yes. And it does seem like those ladies feel threatened by you.

Originally Posted by StarlaJane

I have found FL to be very narrow-minded. Some people label it as "small town" but I don't think that the size of an area has anything to do with this type of behavior; I think it has more to do with it being a very traditional and conservative area--the kind of area where people behave a certain way, and ostracize you if you don't behave the same way (or seem strange to them, or "different" in some way, even if you are not.)

A person's attitude can make or break a situation.
When we moved to Florida, we brought some of our ways with us, but there were other north Florida traditions that we adapted. Obviously I'm not talking about partaking in gossip or other middle school behavior--but we did try to join in rather than stand to the side feeling superior.
It's not as if I've *never* felt totally alienated--we began in a smaller, less progressive town than FB, but even there, I was touched by the kindness we encountered. Anyway, we wanted change, and we got it. Moving to north Florida from Denver was a big step.
Coming here from Charleston doesn't seem like the same sort of culture shock.
Group living is about cooperation and compromise. Differences become more subtle and less threatening if the participants endeavor to work together.

So you have two options: try to seek out people who are not like that in FB and stay away from all the rest (you might be lonley and frustrated for a while, though, as the people you are seeking seem to be in short supply) or speak to your husband and tell him that you are unhappy and suggest a move. All you have to do is scan the FL forum to see that there is alot of this sort of stuff [that you are experiencing] going around.

Hmm.
Often more people use any forum to rant about their complaints rather than crow about their contentment. Pretty soon the It's Too Hot Here threads will begin.
Traditional or not, FB works for me, I love it. I only hope, the economy being what it is, that we can stay here.
I'll run my meeting-nice-folks suggestions once more: Amelia Island Newcomers Club, the YMCA and volunteer work--the Nassau Humane Society is popular, but also Barnabas can always use some help.
Good luck, NTF.

[StarlaJane]

Originally Posted by Tru Fan

Unfortunately, this is untrue. I wish FL were more red than blue, but after the last election, FL turned blue, which hasnt happened in years. PBC, Broward and Dade are blue counties I believe. Orange Co, Osceola Co, Leon Co in the panhandle were also blue I believe. I think a lof of it is people jumping on the Obama bandwagon though.

They aren't blue; they're red. Most counties in FL (except for Miami-Dade) were red as of the last presidential election. Here's a useful link that makes sense of it all:

Election maps

If you scroll down to the map that shows county voter distribution, you will see that it is overwhelmingly red; however, the state as a whole voted for Dems (this has to do with higher population in certain counties) and is considered either blue or a "swing" state.

[newtoflorida]

Originally Posted by StarlaJane

I do not live in FB but I do know what you are talking about; I have experienced the same kind of treatment in FL (and I have lived in alot of different places--small towns, even--where I didn't experience nastiness even close to what I have experienced here.)
I have found a lot of people in FL to be everything that you have stated (I won't list it all.) The thing that bothers me the most is the gossip, which is so completely rampant. I also can't stand it when people say, "Oh, just ignore it", which is an insensitive oversimplification.
I have found FL to be very narrow-minded. Some people label it as "small town" but I don't think that the size of an area has anything to do with this type of behavior; I think it has more to do with it being a very traditional and conservative area--the kind of area where people behave a certain way, and ostracize you if you don't behave the same way (or seem strange to them, or "different" in some way, even if you are not.)
I could go on and on about the non-sensical nature of this behavior but it really is pointless. It isn't going to change no matter how ridiculous and mean it is.
So you have two options: try to seek out people who are not like that in FB and stay away from all the rest (you might be lonley and frustrated for a while, though, as the people you are seeking seem to be in short supply) or speak to your husband and tell him that you are unhappy and suggest a move. But I would not leave him. If I know the kind of people you are talking about, that is probably exactly what they want, especially if they are jealous of you or view you as some kind of a threat b/c you do not behave like they do.
But please, do remember to keep your chin up and don't let the turkeys get you down (or even get to you, period.) Also, remember that it is not "just you." All you have to do is scan the FL forum to see that there is alot of this sort of stuff [that you are experiencing] going around.

StarlaJane,

I must admit to you that I am as "traditionalist" and conservative as it gets, and a stickler about many things. The women who were at this party didn't seem conservative- they just tried to play the part. Now I realize this is going to sound very snobby, but it is a fact. I am not labeling Charleston as a better place than Fernandina Beach, but Charleston is a place where it's easy to spot a lady who understands social graces, ettiquette and interaction. The women there are very confident and don't have a need to wear flashy labels or talk about how much they paid for something- in fact, the brag when they buy something for nearly nothing because most of them are practical.
When I was at the Fernandina Beach party, these women weren't holding their drinking glasses properly, nor did they have good posture. They talked about topics that are linked to money. IMO, genuine traditionalists and conservatives are just that- conservative. They aren't flashy and would never be caught talking about money because it is tasteless to do that-atleast I think it is. I think traditionalists are more into simplicity and like to embrace more old-fashioned values in life. These women don't even come close to being traditionalists- they didn't even seem to care about higher education.

Perhaps I was the one who came across as a snob, and I am willing to admit that there are some aspects to my personality that could easily be perceived as that way, but overall, I am nice to people and accept them into my life as a friend, as long as they are good people and accept me. I wouldn't typically judge a person on how they dress or hold their wine glass, but when I notice a woman who is portraying herself as some sort of haughty taughty socialite in the community, as these women were doing, I can't help but recognize the fact that their appearance on the surface and who they really are doesn't add up.

I thought about this for a long time last night, and talked about it with my husband. I am planning to return to Charleston for a couple of weeks to sort things out. He doesn't understand how I feel because he isn't a very emotional person. He did suggest that we could possibly sell our home and move to Ponte Vedra Beach but a friend of mine from Charleston told me that it is also "nouveau riche." I am more interested in moving to San Marco or an area that consists of older homes and older residents.

Well everyone, I will keep you posted. Thank you again for your replies to my concern.

[StarlaJane]

Originally Posted by newtoflorida

StarlaJane,

I must admit to you that I am as "traditionalist" and conservative as it gets, and a stickler about many things. The women who were at this party didn't seem conservative- they just tried to play the part. Now I realize this is going to sound very snobby, but it is a fact. I am not labeling Charleston as a better place than Fernandina Beach, but Charleston is a place where it's easy to spot a lady who understands social graces, ettiquette and interaction. The women there are very confident and don't have a need to wear flashy labels or talk about how much they paid for something- in fact, the brag when they buy something for nearly nothing because most of them are practical.
When I was at the Fernandina Beach party, these women weren't holding their drinking glasses properly, nor did they have good posture. They talked about topics that are linked to money. IMO, genuine traditionalists and conservatives are just that- conservative. They aren't flashy and would never be caught talking about money because it is tasteless to do that-atleast I think it is. I think traditionalists are more into simplicity and like to embrace more old-fashioned values in life. These women don't even come close to being traditionalists- they didn't even seem to care about higher education.

Perhaps I was the one who came across as a snob, and I am willing to admit that there are some aspects to my personality that could easily be perceived as that way, but overall, I am nice to people and accept them into my life as a friend, as long as they are good people and accept me. I wouldn't typically judge a person on how they dress or hold their wine glass, but when I notice a woman who is portraying herself as some sort of haughty taughty socialite in the community, as these women were doing, I can't help but recognize the fact that their appearance on the surface and who they really are doesn't add up.

I thought about this for a long time last night, and talked about it with my husband. I am planning to return to Charleston for a couple of weeks to sort things out. He doesn't understand how I feel because he isn't a very emotional person. He did suggest that we could possibly sell our home and move to Ponte Vedra Beach but a friend of mine from Charleston told me that it is also "nouveau riche." I am more interested in moving to San Marco or an area that consists of older homes and older residents.

Well everyone, I will keep you posted. Thank you again for your replies to my concern.

I think that the term "conservative" is too broad. I was speaking re: people who are socially conservative, not financially conservative. It sounds like Charleston is socially liberal and financially conservative (CT, where I am originally from, is the same way, without the southern charm and graces.)
And it sounds like what you are experiencing in FB is the exact opposite: socially conservative and financially liberal. I, too, have had the same observations and experiences while living in FL, and have often wondered...
It sounds as if you are working it out, though, and I wish you the best of luck.

[staywarm2]

Originally Posted by newtoflorida

StarlaJane,
I thought about this for a long time last night, and talked about it with my husband. I am planning to return to Charleston for a couple of weeks to sort things out. He doesn't understand how I feel because he isn't a very emotional person. He did suggest that we could possibly sell our home and move to Ponte Vedra Beach but a friend of mine from Charleston told me that it is also "nouveau riche." I am more interested in moving to San Marco or an area that consists of older homes and older residents.

Well everyone, I will keep you posted. Thank you again for your replies to my concern.

Good luck with everything. Hope it all works out so that you will be happier.

[angerdux]

In the 90s, we were transferred to Tampa, Florida from New Orleans and, while one of the most beautiful places I've been, the people were so awful, we lasted 18 mos., took a salary cut, and came back to New Orleans. I couldn't find work anywhere [College English Instructor, published author] and was told, flat out, that so long as there are Florida colleges producing 'teachers', why would I even expect anyone to hire me? Having said that, and living in New Orleans' Garden District, I think I have to point out to you that, unless someone is culturally sensitive to the concept of 'polite society' which permeates certain Southern cities, you are going to be perceived as an arrogant, conceited, self-important snob. If I hadn't experienced Tampa and Florida in general, and if I hadn't lived in New Orleans, I would have taken YOU as the problem. Or I would have assumed that your posts were fictitious entertainment, because you come off so badly in them. Sorry, but it's true. My advice, and I mean this most especially because we are thinking of retiring back to Florida, to the Atlantic side also, is to seek out other "outsiders", particularly Northerners with education and a sense of culture, for company. But even in this, I strongly suggest you abandon the concept of 'polite society' altogether. Outside of debutante balls and meetings of the DAA, it is a real turn off to most people. I have no doubt that you are being ostracized by Floridians-I've been there--but just reading your posts, I can see how you might be offending people, yourself.