I am having a difficult time in Fernandina Beach- please help (houses, school)

[newtoflorida]

Originally Posted by Scientifical Madness

Wow, I think what she was trying to say is that these folks (probably rich retirees from the north, lets be honest) were yapping about money, and what kind of car they have, and how much money their husband made, etc... they are trying to act like they are marvelous, yet they arent even holding thier wine glasses properly, etc... I dont see it as she was bashing them, she just thought it was odd. Atleast, that's how I see the post.

I see the same thing all the time... rich, snobby people (younger though - not at the retirement age)) bragging in the workout rooms, at the hair salons, etc... about how much money their husband's make, what kind of car/purse they have, how much money their house in CA/Mass/NY sold for.... blah blah blah... and yet, they are so proud of themselves and look down on people like my wife and I, FL natives, who dont have some of these things. And to make it even more ridiculous, these "housewives" dont work, all they do is workout and brag about what they got. It's pretty sad. And to make it even more interesting, my wife and I live in some of the neighborhoods that they do, but we would never talk like that. That's the difference between being a conservative FL native and a yappy, hoity toity.

I thank you so much for being open minded about my post and not judging me for making a candid observation. You pegged exactly what I was trying to convey. Most of the time, I can tell what kind of background someone is from when they start yapping about their monetary status and materialism. Usually they are the ones who come from nothing and resent it, forgetting where they came from, and then look down on other people who don't have material possessions. They also spend most of their money on their homes, cars, clothing.... everything you mentioned, and don't give a dime to charity or extend their efforts to help the needy. It's ridiculous.
But thank you for your reply and getting what I was trying to say!

[Scientifical Madness]

No problem. If you go to a place like Miami, it's even worse. People driving around in expensive cars, credit cards maxed out, etc... still living with their parents, or about to foreclose on their house.

[HIF]

newtoflorida-

I would venture to guess that the bulk of the judgemental posts on this thread come from folks who do not even live here. I hope things work out for you and am sure that, given a little time, you will find your niche.

[BlueWillowPlate]

Originally Posted by newtoflorida

The problems I have with people here mostly lie within the circles of the natives. They seem to strongly dislike newcomers, or anyone who presents a threat to their popularity- I have said it before and will continue saying this because I really believe it.

Originally Posted by Scientifical Madness

Wow, I think what she was trying to say is that these folks (probably rich retirees from the north, lets be honest) were yapping about money, and what kind of car they have, and how much money their husband made, etc... they are trying to act like they are marvelous, yet they arent even holding thier wine glasses properly, etc... I dont see it as she was bashing them, she just thought it was odd. Atleast, that's how I see the post.

I see the same thing all the time... rich, snobby people (younger though - not at the retirement age)) bragging in the workout rooms, at the hair salons, etc... about how much money their husband's make, what kind of car/purse they have, how much money their house in CA/Mass/NY sold for.... blah blah blah... and yet, they are so proud of themselves and look down on people like my wife and I, FL natives, who dont have some of these things. And to make it even more ridiculous, these "housewives" dont work, all they do is workout and brag about what they got. It's pretty sad. And to make it even more interesting, my wife and I live in some of the neighborhoods that they do, but we would never talk like that. That's the difference between being a conservative FL native and a yappy, hoity toity.

Originally Posted by newtoflorida

I thank you so much for being open minded about my post and not judging me for making a candid observation. You pegged exactly what I was trying to convey. Most of the time, I can tell what kind of background someone is from when they start yapping about their monetary status and materialism. Usually they are the ones who come from nothing and resent it, forgetting where they came from, and then look down on other people who don't have material possessions. They also spend most of their money on their homes, cars, clothing.... everything you mentioned, and don't give a dime to charity or extend their efforts to help the needy. It's ridiculous.
But thank you for your reply and getting what I was trying to say!

Well, now I am confused about who and what the problem actually is.

Here in FB I meet "rich retirees from the north" as well as genuine conservative Florida natives, and am able to get along just fine with both.
I suppose I meet more people who do not identify themselves by what they wear/own/consume? Or maybe I just take them at face value and they respond accordingly?

Ultimately, I suppose the specific "problem" does not matter all that much.

I can be as judgmental as the next person, but deep down I know the truth: A person's background, and where she comes from, matters less than what she does with her life. I suppose we have to be aware of what we're expecting from others, but I *try* to operate by the Golden Rule.

For the first time in many, many years, I reread The Grapes of Wrath last month. It really hit me hard--in a good way.
We've had our own Florida ups and downs, but I sure do hope we get to stay here.
There is something to be said for the "Bloom where you're planted" model, it is empowering, enriching and feels better than just running away.

[4merWNYer]

I completely understand how the OP is feeling. I don't live in FB, but I see the same types of "snobbery" issues in Jax and even in St. Augustine. I often wonder myself if it’s me or what. I lived in Buffalo, NY up till 6 years ago. I find that most of the people down here are not overly friendly and they are not willing to be your friend. I have a handful of friends now (meaning I can count them on one hand) since moving here, but nothing like what I had up in NY. People here seem to keep to themselves more and are very off-standish when it comes to new people. I have worked in several different jobs since moving here and people never really go out and have fun with each other; everyone goes home after work and does their own thing. Up in Bflo people that worked together were like a small family. I really miss that closeness and family feeling . As for the "evil eye" while shopping, that does happen outside of FB. I get it when going into stores often and it makes you not want to ever go back.

I am a 30 something college educated professional with no children and feel like I am often shunned just for that reason...not having any children. Neighbors where I currently live, and I live in a very nice community in NW St Johns area, seem to keep to themselves and do things with others in the neighborhood....that have children. My husband and I went out of our way when we first moved here to attend community functions to get to meet other people and our neighbors. When we all got to talking and we discussed how we had no children nor any desire to have any, its like we are diseased and don't deserve the time of day. We never saw those people again...

Anyway....sorry to get off the topic...but I can see how the OP feels in a day to day situation, as I feel the same way more often than not.

As for the Ponte Vedra beach area....you will feel the same "snobbishness" that you feel in FB. I work in PVB...and all I can say is that status there counts.. ..meaning what kind of car, house, purse, clothes etc you have is important in your daily life.

I still wonder if moving here was the right decision....I do continue to research other places and long for the right fit.

I wish you the best in whatever decision you make. Don't beat yourself up over this though, because I don't think the problem is you at all...

[BlueWillowPlate]

Well, now that people who live outside FB are joining the thread to dump on their city, let me offer three random threads that Search brings up:

After one year in Denver, no TRUE friends

10 reasons you DISLIKE where YOU live

Why do I hate Portland
I don't like the people here. I can't even really explain it, but I've yet to meet someone I could actually see myself hanging out with more than once.

I guess there is a lot of discontentment out there.
Fernandina Beach has somewhere between 11-15 thousand people.
IMHO that's enough, no matter how discriminating you are, to find compatible friends.
4merNYer, have you thought about Meetup.com? I have nothing but the highest respect for child-free couples (and know several here). No need for you to be social pariahs. Maybe you could either find a group that suits you, or even begin your own.

[divanicki75]

Ugh. Now, I'm concerned about moving down there. I'm originally from CT, DH from MN. He says all of us New Englanders are snobs, and I never really understood/saw what snobbery he was talking about until we were stationed here in Charleston, SC and I went back home... Now we're pushing for orders to King's Bay and want to live somewhere near Yulee or FB, since our kids will be going to St. Michael's... but I'm worried that we won't be a part of a community... is it REALLY that bad there?

[Scientifical Madness]

Originally Posted by divanicki75

Ugh. Now, I'm concerned about moving down there. I'm originally from CT, DH from MN. He says all of us New Englanders are snobs, and I never really understood/saw what snobbery he was talking about until we were stationed here in Charleston, SC and I went back home... Now we're pushing for orders to King's Bay and want to live somewhere near Yulee or FB, since our kids will be going to St. Michael's... but I'm worried that we won't be a part of a community... is it REALLY that bad there?

Bingo - sometimes you (not YOU literally) gotta go to the REAL south to see what politeness, being friendly, and acting civil is all about. I used to live in Asheville, and people there are soooo friendly, many just like me, FL natives. And I come back to FL and I'm like... where did all the friendly people go?

[BlueWillowPlate]

Originally Posted by divanicki75

Ugh. Now, I'm concerned about moving down there. I'm originally from CT, DH from MN. He says all of us New Englanders are snobs, and I never really understood/saw what snobbery he was talking about until we were stationed here in Charleston, SC and I went back home... Now we're pushing for orders to King's Bay and want to live somewhere near Yulee or FB, since our kids will be going to St. Michael's... but I'm worried that we won't be a part of a community... is it REALLY that bad there?

This thread has become a study in miscommunication.
We are so quick to promote our own agenda, yet do not listen to each other. (I include myself in this, but to me it is sad to see my little town, one that I enjoy so much, become a dumping ground, even for people who don't even live here.)
Maybe there is a lesson here for all of us.

Some folks dislike the "wealthy retirees from the north," others feel that it is the FL natives who are sullen and resentful.

divanicki75, I can't guarantee that everything will be perfect for you.
But I can tell you that I have been very happy here. IMHO FB is a great place to raise kids.
We've been in FB since May of '07, and this fall will mark our 4th anniversary of living in north Florida. We've had financial ups and downs, but don't have any desire to go back to Colorado.
Other than that bizarre lunchtime incident in Tommy Bahama, I've never had anyone of any background turn their nose up at me.

Originally Posted by 904jax

This seems like a classic case of: "wherever you go there you are." While geographic location and local cultural idiosyncrasies will have an impact on your experience and quality of life, the most important element in how you relate to Fernandina Beach and Fernandina Beach relates to you is on the inside. A positive outlook will create positive experiences.

Exactly. I am reminded of Abe Lincoln's saying: Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

[Bruno T]

I only lived on Amelia Island for 7 months, but I found it very laid back, people seemed friendlier than Atlanta, and I found it pleasant. However, my neighbors (one was a native) were polite but definitely were not interested in getting to know us. Perhaps it's because so many outsiders and coming and going. Like us, temporary residents. I'm certainly not outgoing, and I even noticed that you were much more likely to get a smile and friendly greeting than in the big city just about anywhere. But defintely the service I got and the attitude was not snobby or hostile. A little distant maybe, but then again they see us come and go and maybe they just don't want to put the effort into a temporary friendship.

I think the poster should also consider the fact that she managed to bring up the occupation of her husband in just about every interaction with locals she described. I find that odd. I'm wondering if her husband's job would have come up as often had he been a factory worker or a house painter. My guess is clerks in stores don't want to hear someone go on about their societal status, whether that was their intent or not. It's not that they care he's a doctor. They need doctors too, of course. It's just that some women seek status through their spouses and see the world through the prism of socio-economic status and that turns some people off. If that's what you lead with, they may assume that's your agenda. And let's face it, YOU didn't go to medical school, he did. So why bring it up to a stranger you just met? So if you instead try to relate to people as human beings first, their and your bank accounts shouldn't even come up for a while. They might actually like you instead of writing you off as overly status-concious. Also I was hearing a lot of language indicative of thinking of people as group members (northern transplants, less educated southern natives of the area, working class clerks, elite medical professionals, etc). If you're doing that to them, they're probably doing the same to you. Unfortunately most people size others up in an instant based on their "class".

I lived in a nice condo on the beach, I also noticed that the closer you were to the beach the happier people were. Maybe you ran into the ones who wished they could live on the beach and were annoyed that they no longer can afford to due to the newcomers driving RE prices up so much in the boom.

Amelia Island, within sight of the beach, is one of the few places I'd seriously consider moving to from my 2 acres on a hilltop in Georgia.