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What happened at Tommy Bahama? What happened to make you think they were snooty, if you don't mind my asking?
I've been in there a couple times. The first time, the saleswoman, apparently working alone, sat there and ate her lunch and never asked me if I needed help. (I guess she was very hungry!)
That was more clueless than snooty. The second time I definitely got some chilly vibes. I like Tommy Bahama stuff but it's *so* pricey, I tend to only buy it on sale. Maybe the salespeople have me on their radar as a non-buyer and simply don't want to invest in much time on me.
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Originally Posted by newtoflorida
If it's okay, I don't want to disclose where I live because it might reveal my identity and create animosity. Here, in Fernandina Beach, people seem clannish. I can't really peg it but they just don't seem interested in wordly issues or charitable causes without there being some kind of motive to have their name attached to it for political reasons and they also seem very uninterested in getting to know anyone who presents a threat to them, financially or socially. It's almost as though they stick together to leave out someone who could potentially ruin their popularity, as strange as it sounds. Maybe it's an insecurity issue that I am sensing from these people- I just don't know.
Maybe it is insecurity. We are living in precarious economic times.
Perhaps it is a sort of misguided self protection, if that description makes any sense.
I do not lead an especially refined existence. I am not one of the Ladies Who Shop and Lunch.
In my part-time job I work at an elementary school.
I deal with people from all walks of life:
Fernandina natives, transplants from elsewhere in the USA and also from other parts of the world.
I simply treat everyone the way I would like to be treated. In two years, I have never encountered a hidden agenda.
FB certainly is a small town.
I would rather be working as a preschool teacher, but getting that position (in a real preschool, not a daycare) is difficult. I do recognize that small town life as its disadvantages as well as its pluses. Often it is not what you know, but who you know.
Maybe I sound like a salesperson for Amelia Park, but I do love it here.
It is not a gated community. Our local shopping mostly consists of Sadler and downtown.
There is no exclusivity. Residents *do* have their political disagreements, but at least we discuss those topics instead of worrying about popularity contests. We join together for fundraisers and volunteerism. We meet at the beach.
On the last Friday of every month (such as tonight) a bunch of us gather at the park for drinks and munchies. We wear name tags to break the ice for newbies. Everyone is very welcoming.
But maybe I am just living in my own insular comfort zone. I don't spend much time on the south end of the island. It's beautiful there but I am not much of a shopper and my social life is pretty much up here.
Maybe you could join the YMCA and take some classes there? It is a very cheery and friendly place, and people seem to enjoy themselves there.
First of all, anyone who thinks that the way a person dresses is any indication of their bank balance is wrong and small-minded, IMO.
My only frame of ref for your area is BlueWillowPlate. If all were like her, the world would be a better place!
I heard the same thing from a retired attorney who had moved there from Jax. He summed it up by saying that his take was that there is a small town mentality that kept "outsiders" at bay and that anyone not born there was deemed an outsider. It's a shame, because it is a charming place.
If you are considering a move to Jax, I know of a high-end condo close to Mayo & St. Lukes in an area where you would feel very welcomed. Maybe rent for a year at the condo and keep your place up there. Have the best of both.
My only frame of ref for your area is BlueWillowPlate. If all were like her, the world would be a better place!
Very kind words, thank you!
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I heard the same thing from a retired attorney who had moved there from Jax. He summed it up by saying that his take was that there is a small town mentality that kept "outsiders" at bay and that anyone not born there was deemed an outsider. It's a shame, because it is a charming place.
I agree about small town mentality, but there are many, many transplants here.
One of the candidates recently elected to the city commission was certainly not born here. His platform was to change the good ol' boy politics--and he soundly defeated his opponents.
To me, the best strategy is to plow on, explore, keep trying new things until you find the right fit.
The Newcomers Club of Amelia Island is very welcoming and you can join and stay in as long as you like. (I did not stay because I did not feel the need, but did meet a couple friends through it.)
Hi everyone, I am new to this board and came here because I am hoping to hear some answers and better understand what I am doing wrong. I am new to Fernandina Beach and I moved here from a larger southern city. We moved to Fernandina because my husband transferred with his career (he is a Physician in Jacksonville) and we thought Fernandina Beach would be a nice place to call home because of it's quaintness and close proximity to the beach. Since moving here, I have had nothing but problems with the people and my attempts to complete business transactions smoothly and successfully. Is it just me or do these residents on the island carry themselves with an unusual arrogance about them? For example, when I contact people via telephone for business purposes (as a paying customer), they act almost as though I am imposing on them. When I enter the shops, the clerks and owners are very standoffish and once again act as though I am imposing on their time. No one greets me and they look at me like, "Well who are you?" It is getting very old, very qucikly because I am accustomed to living in a more refined atmosphere and interacting with people who have some class by demonstrating mutual respect. Socially, I find the women here to be shallow. Everytime I attend a party, they stand over in a corner and gossip about other people on the island and it is so obvious that they are just jealous about the people they are talking about. It is getting more and more ridiculous everyday. When I initially moved here, I was warned that I had made a mistake by a woman who is selling her home and told me that Fernandina is one of the most gossipy and unethical places she has lived. She pointed out that people have no ethics, standards or social class (that's how she described it). I was out and about recently, and I ended up in a conversation with some women at a salon (they were also having their hair done as well). They were well dressed and appeared to be polished but when I told them that my husband is a Surgeon in Jacksonville, they immediately shunned me and went out of their way to ignore me. I have never witnessed such petty behavior in my life. I didn't get it and still don't. They literally wouldn't have anything else to do with me after I told them that. Am I being unfair or is this just the way it is here? I am from Charleston and can't seem to fit in with the groups of people. I am so bothered by this.
Most people in FL arent from FL, so at times it seems like it's hard to get that "community feel." I dont live in FB, but where I live, people are mainly Hispanic, then white, then Black, then Asian, etc... and although some people like diversity and all, many people dont talk to eachother, know eachother, and some dont even speak the same language. It can be very frustrating. N FL has a lot less of this than where I am, but a place like FB probably attracts a lot of retirees from up north (with money), so standoff-ish and kind of arrogant, I could see it. Look at places like Boca Raton.
Last edited by Doctor Octagon; 05-29-2009 at 08:59 AM..
Okay, now that I've read some of the other posts, I will be more direct. BlueWillow seems like such a class act in her choice of words and the manner in which she expresses them. She also seems highly intelligent. BUT she is a rarity to me. I haven't met anyone on the island who seems to have the open mindedness and kindness that she does. I will be honest here. The problems I have with people here mostly lie within the circles of the natives. They seem to strongly dislike newcomers, or anyone who presents a threat to their popularity- I have said it before and will continue saying this because I really believe it. I don't like to criticize but it is very obvious to me that most of them don't have the same mentality of people who were raised in more progressive areas with better educations and more cultural exposure. I am not talking about the residents who are hard workers and live their lives without paying attention to the superficial issues- I am talking about the ones on the island who have been successful among their own peers and then get really uncomfortable when someone comes in from another area and "shows them up." It's like they enjoy being the "top dog" among the other natives, but when someone with a very strong background (big CEOS/CFOS) come to the island to live, the natives get very angry about it and complain, complain and complain. I have also witnessed some of these conversations as well and it is so obvious that they are just jealous.
I was blown away over the Tommy Bahama story. I just can't imagine that some lady was unprofessional enough to sit and eat her lunch directly in front of someone else when BlueWillow was shopping there. Now THAT is exactly the kind of behavior I am talking about. It is almost as though these people are VERY insecure and think they are putting you in your place by ignoring you. Sometimes I have wondered if that is the case... heck, I just can't figure it out. I don't think it is snootiness- I think it goes much deeper than that with these people. I think they do it intentionally because of their egos and their determination to show you that you are nobody special. Maybe it is a jealousy thing. I just know that it definitely exists on this island. Now, on the flip side of this, I seem to get along just fine with the older women who are already past the social/political issues. I have had less problems with the women in the Plantation than I have had on other parts of the island- with the exception of the Plantation Shoppe. You can probably tell from my post that I care about my social environment and pay close attention to the behaviors around me. I don't want to live in an area in which there is a strong element of insecurity and constant competition among many of them, politically and socially. If everyone on the island were like BlueWillow, I would be happy.
Last edited by newtoflorida; 05-29-2009 at 09:28 AM..
Um, yeah. The ones who can still afford to live here.
I do hope this place does not turn into another Aspen.
That's why I'm okay with the paper mills, they employ a lot of people, and the sight of them tends to turn off those who prefer a more pristine view.
Maybe it's a small town issue, maybe it's just bad luck that you're running into a bunch of obnoxious people. Either way, life is too short. If you're not happy in a place, start making plans to move. The process of planning the move and getting closer to it day by day will sustain you while you wait it out. Talk to your husband, he might welcome a change as well. Best of luck .
BlueWillow seems like such a class act in her choice of words and the manner in which she expresses them. She also seems highly intelligent.
Thank you very much for your kind words.
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The problems I have with people here mostly lie within the circles of the natives. I don't like to criticize but it is very obvious to me that most of them don't have the same mentality of people who were raised in more progressive areas with better educations and more cultural exposure.
I think you would be surprised at how talented, intelligent,well-traveled and friendly some of these natives are. I have met many locals through my job as well as my husband's.
But I do not want to get into an argument about it--of course no place is perfect, I am sorry you've had such a rough time.
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I was blown away over the Tommy Bahama story. I just can't imagine that some lady was unprofessional enough to sit and eat her lunch directly in front of someone else when BlueWillow was shopping there. Now THAT is exactly the kind of behavior I am talking about. It is almost as though these people are VERY insecure and think they are putting you in your place by ignoring you. Now, on the flip side of this, I seem to get along just fine with the older women who are already past the social/political issues. I don't want to live in an area in which there is a strong element of insecurity and constant competition among many of them, politically and socially. If everyone on the island were like BlueWillow, I would be happy.
Again, thanks for your kind words.
The lunch thing was boorish, but it did not blow me away. Perhaps I am one of those older women of which you speak, but I am not past social/political issues. If the Tommy Bahama lunch episode was all I had to worry about in life, I'd be very happy indeed!
Good luck with you in whichever path you choose.
It is so sad that human beings cannot live happily and welcoming to others. I have been through a similar situation and it affected my physical and mental health to the point that we sold our home. Anyone who hasn't experienced it cannot imagine how bad you can be made to feel, like poison.
You walk in smiling and get smacked down, again and again. Nothing you do will change these people but what you can do is find nice people and associate with them.
Does your DH's hospital have a wives auxiliary? As long as you are not younger and prettier than them you would fit in LOL.
This is why many people prefer animals (dogs, cats). Perhaps you can volunteer in a place that feels good and makes you feel good. Try to keep in mind that it's not specifically YOU they dislike, they just dislike everyone that's not in their clique. When you are treated badly don't go back to that store, stop trying to make them like you. Find people that are happy and shop THERE.
I have found that small communities foster this kind of behavior, whether it's an "island" or a high school class. The rest of us grew up and experienced a bigger world. Some people never have.
P.S. I normally don't read this forum but your post came to the top and caught my eye.
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