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Old 12-17-2013, 05:37 PM
 
444 posts, read 701,603 times
Reputation: 191

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Long story short, I got a good job several states away and my spouse is interviewing in that area so we can stay together. His mentor/good friend/former boss for his part time gig in school refered him to a contact that was looking for someone with my bf's skills. This position is an "upgrade" from what he's been doing and he was pretty excited about his interview.
But his hiring manager asked him some weird questions that made him feel uneasy. He asked about how long he had been in the US, where he was originally from, how he got to the US, about me, where I work and what I do, and if we were married yet. Now the interviewer and my bf are from the same country or origin, but the questions about me made him feel awkward. This is a forture 500 company.

I'm really not sure what to think of this. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen? If hiring managers do this and it's OK/normal? Aren't these no-no topics? Like the kind people sue over?

He still wants the job, but he is afraid his awkwardness about me could have an impact on him getting the job. Considering it took center stage for a decent portion of his time with this person, he not sure how to move forward. He's at they "thank you email" stage.
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Old 12-17-2013, 05:38 PM
 
Location: SC
389 posts, read 569,000 times
Reputation: 611
Quote:
Originally Posted by candycanechick View Post
Long story short, I got a good job several states away and my spouse is interviewing in that area so we can stay together. His mentor/good friend/former boss for his part time gig in school refered him to a contact that was looking for someone with my bf's skills. This position is an "upgrade" from what he's been doing and he was pretty excited about his interview.
But his hiring manager asked him some weird questions that made him feel uneasy. He asked about how long he had been in the US, where he was originally from, how he got to the US, about me, where I work and what I do, and if we were married yet. Now the interviewer and my bf are from the same country or origin, but the questions about me made him feel awkward. This is a forture 500 company.

I'm really not sure what to think of this. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen? If hiring managers do this and it's OK/normal? Aren't these no-no topics? Like the kind people sue over?

He still wants the job, but he is afraid his awkwardness about me could have an impact on him getting the job. Considering it took center stage for a decent portion of his time with this person, he not sure how to move forward. He's at they "thank email" stage.
Welp, now they better hire him...
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
15,034 posts, read 21,767,703 times
Reputation: 22250
I don't see why they are awkward. Sounds as if the interviewer was just trying to get to know your bf better. It's something probably shouldn't have been asked, however I don't see it as a negative, but I wasn't there.
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:47 PM
 
2,633 posts, read 5,520,384 times
Reputation: 2871
Send the email. Move on.
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Old 12-17-2013, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
24 posts, read 43,154 times
Reputation: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by candycanechick View Post
Long story short, I got a good job several states away and my spouse is interviewing in that area so we can stay together. His mentor/good friend/former boss for his part time gig in school refered him to a contact that was looking for someone with my bf's skills. This position is an "upgrade" from what he's been doing and he was pretty excited about his interview.
But his hiring manager asked him some weird questions that made him feel uneasy. He asked about how long he had been in the US, where he was originally from, how he got to the US, about me, where I work and what I do, and if we were married yet. Now the interviewer and my bf are from the same country or origin, but the questions about me made him feel awkward. This is a forture 500 company.

I'm really not sure what to think of this. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happen? If hiring managers do this and it's OK/normal? Aren't these no-no topics? Like the kind people sue over?

He still wants the job, but he is afraid his awkwardness about me could have an impact on him getting the job. Considering it took center stage for a decent portion of his time with this person, he not sure how to move forward. He's at they "thank you email" stage.
My husband has been asked questions like those many times. I can think of only one time when it made him feel awkward, so I guess it depends on how the questions are brought up. I don't think there's anything for your boyfriend to do other than to send his "thank you" email and leave it at that.
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Old 12-17-2013, 09:53 PM
 
2,727 posts, read 2,276,950 times
Reputation: 4065
Especially if its for a relocation, the hiring manager could have been trying to get the sense if your husband was serious about the job, or if the relocation could present difficulties. I'd be uneasy hiring someone to relocate and what the spouse was going to do was still up in the air
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Connecticut
206 posts, read 345,275 times
Reputation: 306
If your BF doesn't get the job, he could claim discrimination based on where he is from. That's why smart interviewers don't ask those questions. The only permissible questions are, "Can you work legally in the US?" or "Will you need sponsorship or a visa to work legally in the US? or "Can you speak English well enough to do this job?" Other questions aren't illegal per se, but they're not asked because they raise the possibility of discrimination based on national origin.

If the interviewer was concerned about the BF's relocation, he should have asked, "You understand this position does not include a relocation package. Are you OK with paying your own expenses to relocate here?"

The interviewer should never have asked if you two were married yet. It's none of his business. He might have been trying to determine your BF's seriousness about taking the job (as your BF, he might be less serious than if he were your husband), but since your BF was sitting in front of this feloow for an interview, he has to assume your BF is serious. If your BF gets turned down for the job, he could also claim discrimination based on his marital status.

You can't beat around the bush and attempt to derive the answer to those questions that are entirely permissible to ask.
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Old 12-18-2013, 06:49 PM
MJ7
 
6,221 posts, read 8,652,012 times
Reputation: 6514
maybe just a little nationalism coming out, perhaps hes not around a lot of his fellow countrymen or women that often.
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Old 12-18-2013, 07:08 PM
 
219 posts, read 360,408 times
Reputation: 540
Just curious, why do you refer to your boyfriend as your spouse, and does he do the same? I can understand being asked those questions if your boyfriend referred to you as his wife or spouse at any point in the interview process.
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Old 12-22-2013, 03:01 AM
 
444 posts, read 701,603 times
Reputation: 191
Quote:
Originally Posted by changeisdue View Post
Just curious, why do you refer to your boyfriend as your spouse, and does he do the same? I can understand being asked those questions if your boyfriend referred to you as his wife or spouse at any point in the interview process.
We both interchange spouse and gf/bf for a few reasons. Mainly it come down to a reason we are not married. We have not married because we have HUGE challenges finding work in the same city/reasonable drive area. Him getting this job means we "can" get married and not be long distance. The problem is that most the people we know look down on moving for your gf and don't look down on moving for your wife. That whole seriousness issue.

That being said, we are pretty serious. I could easily seem him going back to school(in my new area) if his interviews don't pan out. But then we would be back in this situation.

---

He is a very conservative, private, technical, person. That why it make him feel uncomfortable. He was expecting to be quizzed on his technical background and fit, more than his girlfriend's new job.

Personally looking at it from the outside ( and being an overly politically correct person), I think these types of questions potentially open a company up to a lawsuit or legal hassle. We were hope it was a sign they liked him (due to his resume, phone interview, and reference) and were not seriously interviewing him. But (a few) people here are saying it is "normal". But, our friends have not been asked these types of questions. So I'm still wondering, how common are they?
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