U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment > Job Search
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 07-10-2016, 03:50 PM
 
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
1,107 posts, read 1,131,307 times
Reputation: 1003

Advertisements

I was referred to a job.. and I am working on the cover letter. I will be frank, I SUCK at cover letters. I am horrible at selling myself. I've had 4 "adult" jobs since I started working. Two of them have been landed through temp agencies. One of them I transferred to. The company that I started off as a temp owned another company I wanted to work for. So, in reality I've only landed one true job on my own w/ a cover letter/resume.

This is what I have come up with:

(my referral name), my former supervisor and your future Vice President of Sales suggested that I get in touch with you in regards to the Customer Service Representative position. I offer the background and the personality to excel in this position.

I am an accomplished, dependable with a strong attention to detail administrative professional. Over the past nine years, I have provided support to a number of industries and function areas. I am proficient in Microsoft Office and I can type at a speed of 60 WPM. I am very capable of managing multiple tasks and establishing priorities while meeting deadlines in fast-paced environments. I have established positive working relationships with clients and colleagues through the use of phone and digital communication.

I love how If would appreciate the chance to discuss my credentials more in depth in a personal interview. Thank you for your time and I look forward to speaking to you soon.

Sincerely,

Shorty458


Please any advice would be great. This job is closer to me, and will have much better hours. Plus, it's a smaller, local company which I like.

Thank you in advance!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-10-2016, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
9,011 posts, read 8,436,790 times
Reputation: 15621
You make several grammatical errors, you have some awkward phrasing, and your letter doesn't say much of importance.

Rather than: I am an accomplished, dependable with a strong attention to detail administrative professional. Over the past nine years,

Try: I am an accomplished, dependable administrative professional with a strong attention to detail and nine years of experience.

This: I love how If would appreciate the chance to discuss my credentials more in depth in a personal interview.

Is just garbled.

You tell us that the reason you want to work for this company is that they are small and local. Why don't you have this in your cover letter? You need to include the name of the company, and a reason why you want to work for them. Perhaps they have a reputation for customer service? They sell widgets and you have always loved the widget industry.

You talk in very general platitudes about fast paced environments and establishing positive working relationships. Anybody can say that. Be more specific and drop a teaser as to how you do this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2016, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Seattle
1,796 posts, read 1,028,410 times
Reputation: 3083
Got to askamanager.org, she's go a lot of great input into cover letters. Her archives are easy to search too.

And yes, your cover letter needs a lot of help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2016, 07:42 PM
 
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
1,107 posts, read 1,131,307 times
Reputation: 1003
Thanks for the input so far.

I will adjust, rewrite and re-post it. I really want a new job (when I moved back to this area, I went to a temp agency and was a temp to hire at my current company) and getting them on my own has always been a huge challenge for me. I've been looking for a new job on and off since the beginning of this year. I've had ONE interview. It's a struggle. I feel stuck. Sometimes I almost feel like writing a cover letter that is somewhat frank:

"We both know that writing cover letters is hard. Writing them is a challenge, and I'm sure reading them is tiring. I will admit, I am not the best at it. However, one thing that I can promise is that I am a good employee. I care about my work and only always put my best effort in."

It's a different approach. I've thought about doing the different take, but haven't actually sent it out yet. Nor, have I an actual format.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-10-2016, 10:48 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
9,011 posts, read 8,436,790 times
Reputation: 15621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty458 View Post
Thanks for the input so far.

I will adjust, rewrite and re-post it. I really want a new job (when I moved back to this area, I went to a temp agency and was a temp to hire at my current company) and getting them on my own has always been a huge challenge for me. I've been looking for a new job on and off since the beginning of this year. I've had ONE interview. It's a struggle. I feel stuck. Sometimes I almost feel like writing a cover letter that is somewhat frank:

"We both know that writing cover letters is hard. Writing them is a challenge, and I'm sure reading them is tiring. I will admit, I am not the best at it. However, one thing that I can promise is that I am a good employee. I care about my work and only always put my best effort in."

It's a different approach. I've thought about doing the different take, but haven't actually sent it out yet. Nor, have I an actual format.
Please don't succumb to your frank desires. If a cover letter is required, ut is because the hiring manager wants to see your writing skills, both in terms of grammar and your ability to make an effective case for yourself. Punting as you cynically suggest is going to get your application discarded.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-11-2016, 07:49 AM
 
17,319 posts, read 10,241,707 times
Reputation: 28866
https://www.theladders.com/career-ad...-cover-letter/

Forbes Welcome
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-15-2016, 07:47 AM
 
352 posts, read 136,282 times
Reputation: 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty458 View Post
I was referred to a job.. and I am working on the cover letter. I will be frank, I SUCK at cover letters. I am horrible at selling myself. I've had 4 "adult" jobs since I started working. Two of them have been landed through temp agencies. One of them I transferred to. The company that I started off as a temp owned another company I wanted to work for. So, in reality I've only landed one true job on my own w/ a cover letter/resume.

This is what I have come up with:

(my referral name), my former supervisor and your future Vice President of Sales suggested that I get in touch with you in regards to the Customer Service Representative position. I offer the background and the personality to excel in this position.

Please change your first line, it is little strange.

I am an accomplished, dependable with a strong attention to detail administrative professional. Over the past nine years, I have provided support to a number of industries and function areas. mention industries, and try to give an approximate number I am proficient in Microsoft Office and I can type at a speed of 60 WPM. I am very capable of managing multiple tasks and establishing priorities while meeting deadlines in fast-paced environments. I have established positive working relationships with clients and colleagues through the use of phone and digital communication. try to mention an example, some very happy client or colleague, some strong compliment

I love how If would appreciate the chance to discuss my credentials more in depth in a personal interview. Thank you for your time and I look forward to speaking to you soon.
change the first line here it is wrong

Sincerely,

Shorty458


Please any advice would be great. This job is closer to me, and will have much better hours. Plus, it's a smaller, local company which I like.

Thank you in advance!!!
good luck
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-15-2016, 04:40 PM
 
Location: KC, MO
799 posts, read 740,011 times
Reputation: 659
Exclamation Can You Critique My CL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty458 View Post
I was referred to a job.. and I am working on the cover letter. I will be frank, I SUCK at cover letters. I am horrible at selling myself. I've had 4 "adult" jobs since I started working. Two of them have been landed through temp agencies. One of them I transferred to. The company that I started off as a temp owned another company I wanted to work for. So, in reality I've only landed one true job on my own w/ a cover letter/resume.

Shorty458


Please any advice would be great. This job is closer to me, and will have much better hours. Plus, it's a smaller, local company which I like.

Thank you in advance!!!
There is something really strange going on, here.

All these responses and not one person has said the obvious-

It is not possible to coach you on a CL if we do not have the Position Specification in front of us.

Everyone here is shooting in the dark, less the corrections noted.

And we have no way of knowing if you are referring to the ad/job description.


A Cover Letter identifies your ability and successes in tackling the challenges of the job. Without knowing what the ad says/what the job description says, no one here can adequately respond to you.

Fixing what you have said so far is only fixing what you have said so far. What is missing is knowing what the job calls for so a CL can be written around it.

Giving you generic advice is the best anyone can do w/o knowing the details of the job description.


Why don't you post the ad so we can see what it is they are asking for?




Paul........

..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Work and Employment > Job Search
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top