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Old 01-02-2019, 08:16 PM
 
1,571 posts, read 407,516 times
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In my job, I can work from home as often as needed. I'm aware that a neighbor of mine is unexpectedly unemployed. I see him outside often in his yard racking up tiny bits of leaves and he looks depressed. Not his usual self.

I've been thinking about asking him out for lunch when I work from home. Just to show him support and cheer him up. I think it would do him good to socialize since he worked in a big office and seems isolated. Currently I could be at home to do this several times a week.

How would you feel if a neighbor offered to do this for you while you were unemployed? Would you find it helpful? I'd buy lunch. Or would you consider this an intrusion? Another neighbor said I should leave him alone, because it might hurt his pride. He might still be grieving the loss of this job. But it has been a couple of months and I'm concerned for him. He's in a different line of work from me, so offhand I don't know of any useful leads for him.
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Old 01-02-2019, 08:19 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,936 posts, read 2,027,709 times
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There's really no harm in being hospitable to your neighbor as it's good to have a positive relationship with your neighbor.
I think you would know not to say "let me buy your lunch to cheer you up over your unemployment situation."
Just ask him when you casually see him. The worse he could say would be no, but even still he may appreciate it.
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Old 01-03-2019, 07:34 AM
 
9,796 posts, read 17,018,828 times
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What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbor? I'd find it odd. I'd find it more palatable if I was working in the yard and you invited me up to sit on your porch and have a beer/pop/iced tea.
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Old 01-03-2019, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Albany, NY
33 posts, read 8,378 times
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rummage;( I agree with jowel). And...what a kind thought on your part ! We need more kindness in this country !!
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Old 01-03-2019, 11:12 AM
 
3,798 posts, read 3,011,261 times
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This is a very nice idea, as long you shift your mindset so that you don't feel like you're doing this "for" him. A casual lunch invitation would likely be very welcome, without any discussion of his employment status or who pays. Either you should each buy your own lunch, or if you want to buy, leave it open for him to "get the next one." Just because he's out of work doesn't mean he needs a free lunch. You could also go into it without expectation that it will be a weekly (or more) occurrence. One step at a time. There's nothing remotely intrusive about a lunch invitation, and he would be free to decline if he's not interested.

Please report back as to how it goes. Good lookin' out!
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Old 01-03-2019, 02:22 PM
 
1,571 posts, read 407,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joe from dayton View Post
What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbor? I'd find it odd. I'd find it more palatable if I was working in the yard and you invited me up to sit on your porch and have a beer/pop/iced tea.
When the weather is good, we would chat outside for perhaps 5-10 minutes at a time. If we happen to be both managing our recycling outside, we would wave and say "hello". When he had some remodeling done in his home years ago, he invited me over to show it to me. I've chatted with his wife too when they were outside. He has children, but I don't know their names.

I've thought about inviting him over to chat on the porch, but with the weather being so cold that isn't an option.
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Old 01-03-2019, 02:32 PM
 
1,571 posts, read 407,516 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CapsChick View Post
This is a very nice idea, as long you shift your mindset so that you don't feel like you're doing this "for" him. A casual lunch invitation would likely be very welcome, without any discussion of his employment status or who pays. Either you should each buy your own lunch, or if you want to buy, leave it open for him to "get the next one." Just because he's out of work doesn't mean he needs a free lunch. You could also go into it without expectation that it will be a weekly (or more) occurrence. One step at a time. There's nothing remotely intrusive about a lunch invitation, and he would be free to decline if he's not interested.

Please report back as to how it goes. Good lookin' out!
You gave me an idea. I've seen those prepaid VISA and gift cards in the store. I can buy one, claim I got it as a gift (like from a vendor or family member), so he doesn't feel obligated to pay. Then ask him if he'd like to help me burn through a gift card at lunch.

Since I have no idea of his financial situation, I don't want him to feel pressured to spend money on lunch out someplace.
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Old 01-03-2019, 03:11 PM
 
3,798 posts, read 3,011,261 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rummage View Post
You gave me an idea. I've seen those prepaid VISA and gift cards in the store. I can buy one, claim I got it as a gift (like from a vendor or family member), so he doesn't feel obligated to pay. Then ask him if he'd like to help me burn through a gift card at lunch.

Since I have no idea of his financial situation, I don't want him to feel pressured to spend money on lunch out someplace.
I think you're making it harder than it needs to be. Either offer to buy him lunch or just ask if he wants to get together for lunch. He can probably scrounge up $10-15 for a salad or sandwich. Not everyone who's unemployed is destitute. If you're that worried about the money, just invite the guy over for a beer, or order a pizza for lunch and ask him over to help you eat it.
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Old 01-03-2019, 06:07 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,214 posts, read 2,969,702 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rummage View Post
You gave me an idea. I've seen those prepaid VISA and gift cards in the store. I can buy one, claim I got it as a gift (like from a vendor or family member), so he doesn't feel obligated to pay. Then ask him if he'd like to help me burn through a gift card at lunch.

Since I have no idea of his financial situation, I don't want him to feel pressured to spend money on lunch out someplace.
As you said, you don't have any idea about his financial situation. You could unintentionally offend him if he's feeling discouraged and defensive about being unemployed and a neighbor just started inviting him places, showing up with freebies (the gift card lunch). He might misinterpret it. People can be touchier than usual when they are under stress. Be careful. It seems a little intrusive. You could make him feel obligated and awkward if he can't reciprocate. If you truly want to start up more of a friendship with this neighbor that's one thing; a nice thing, but I think you need to be clear with yourself about your motives and your expectations. I'd keep it very casual, spontaneous, simple. Then you don't have to keep your "plot lines" straight.
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Old 01-03-2019, 06:12 PM
 
16,023 posts, read 19,721,021 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rummage View Post
In my job, I can work from home as often as needed. I'm aware that a neighbor of mine is unexpectedly unemployed. I see him outside often in his yard racking up tiny bits of leaves and he looks depressed. Not his usual self.

I've been thinking about asking him out for lunch when I work from home. Just to show him support and cheer him up. I think it would do him good to socialize since he worked in a big office and seems isolated. Currently I could be at home to do this several times a week.

How would you feel if a neighbor offered to do this for you while you were unemployed? Would you find it helpful? I'd buy lunch. Or would you consider this an intrusion? Another neighbor said I should leave him alone, because it might hurt his pride. He might still be grieving the loss of this job. But it has been a couple of months and I'm concerned for him. He's in a different line of work from me, so offhand I don't know of any useful leads for him.
I think the fact that you care about your neighbor and want to help is commendable. so many people don't care a hoot about others.

Ask him to lunch, maybe out to lunch....make sure he knows it is your treat. And, if you have any leads for his line of work, get that info out there during your conversation.

I hope it helps. And, I'd leave that other neighbor out of any discussions in future.
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