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Old 07-11-2013, 03:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TBideon View Post
At least in the Chicago area.

I go to quite a few Jewish single's mixers, chabad houses, even shuls for the sake of dating Jewish (it's not something that mattered to me before, but I'd like to attempt it for the sake of a future family). And nothing is working. Frankly, there are so few attractive Jewish girls at these events that it's almost a parody of a bad sitcom. I mean, no offense to any Jewish girls from Chicago reading this post, but it's like an epidemic of overweight, blotchy, short, bad nosed, cliquish, yadda yadda. Okay, that sounds mean (I suppose I could rewrite this post for the sake of diplomacy...nah), but if you're a Jewish guy in the area (and perhaps other cities), am I that far off?
Yadda, Yadda...
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Old 07-11-2013, 04:12 PM
 
10,522 posts, read 15,573,695 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TBideon View Post
And I'm sorry if this seems callous, but why are so many Jewish girls overweight (at least the ones at the functions I attend)? They weren't when I was in Hebrew school in the 90s, but so many of them seem to age badly. Frankly the most attractive Jewish girls in the city tend to be Russians, yet they, or at least the ones I've met, are overal quite materialistic and have not been interested in me on any platonic or intimate level. And I suppose that's how I feel about the average Jewish girl I've met (well, not the platonic aspect - always good to make a new friend), and while the irony doesn't escape me, it doesn't change my standards. Physical attraction matters.
אח, Hollywood is full of beautiful Jewish girls. Oh, and girls are either Russian, or Jewish. Can't be both. Can be Jewish from Russia.
Look in Polish communities. Huge Jewish diaspora from Poland in the USA. Women from Poland are known for their classic beauty, why do you think Poland paid Versaille treaty reparations with secretaries?
But truly, are you concerned about things perishable like superficial appearance, or you truly concerned about bloodline preservation? As in eyes of YHWH, we are all neither beautiful nor ugly.
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Old 11-06-2013, 06:03 AM
 
637 posts, read 644,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pegotty View Post
I married a non-Jew. Some of my family didn't understand it at the time, but they were supportive. The difficulty with my husband's family has caused MAJOR life stress because of the difference in values/culture, etc. When I try to explain to them why I don't want the children doing certain things, they just can't understand it. We fight over food and holidays, of course, and they have tried to understand my perspective and accommodate our lifestyle, but they don't like it. Not only is it hard for us, but it has ruined the dreams they have had for how their relationship would be with their grandchildren. Basically, all the strife has caused a rift so large between myself and my in-laws that we hardly speak. It has affected their relationship with my children and my kids just don't understand why they (the grandparents) have a closer relationship with the cousins than with them. I know they don't do it on purpose, they just don't understand how to be part of the family without being Jewish. I try to include them, but they are very uncomfortable with it and don't want to be included in that part of our lives...and it permeates everything. There have been times of extreme pain for my children that I would do anything to take away.

All this to say...think long and hard before you decide to marry someone outside of your faith. My in-laws are very southern and not very cosmopolitan. My husband is the first generation to ever attend college. His parents had never met a Jew before. In some cases it would have worked out a lot better, but in ours the combination of cultural differences combined with religious differences made a very hard road.

But to your original problem. Have you considered relocating to an area that has more of a focus on health? When you describe the looks of the people within your local community it seems like the area maybe doesn't attract people with healthier life goals. Of course, Chicago is so cold so much of the year there isn't much opportunity to get out into nature and be fit. California? South Florida? I grew up in SoFL and their were plenty of beautiful Jewish girls there. Anywhere further south where there is sunshine and people are out running/biking/hiking/skiing/kayaking every day?

Also, what is your Myers Briggs type. I think that is very helpful for determining personality fit with a potential spouse.
I know that this is an old thread but I just had to respond. The situation that you point out with your in-laws has more to do with their personalities and their background than with the fact that they are Gentiles. I am not encouraging intermarriage per se, but I am not surprised that you wrote that they are Southern (no offense to Southerners but I lived there for several years), uneducated and had never met a Jew. Those factors are the reason why your relationship is not as close as it could be. There are other blended families where there is a lot of understanding on both sides. Some Gentiles are even "overly" excited to have a Jewish relative. Your husband is from a background that would probably have been intolerant of any woman who was not exactly like his family. Try to get the kids to spend time with their grandparents on neutral ground e.g. the kid's sporting events or local events such as music performances. They can go to the beach together, go to amusement parks, talk on the phone or on Skype. There are ways to build positive memories, I think. Good luck.
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Old 11-06-2013, 06:13 AM
 
637 posts, read 644,251 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TBideon View Post
At least in the Chicago area.

I go to quite a few Jewish single's mixers, chabad houses, even shuls for the sake of dating Jewish (it's not something that mattered to me before, but I'd like to attempt it for the sake of a future family). And nothing is working. Frankly, there are so few attractive Jewish girls at these events that it's almost a parody of a bad sitcom. I mean, no offense to any Jewish girls from Chicago reading this post, but it's like an epidemic of overweight, blotchy, short, bad nosed, cliquish, yadda yadda. Okay, that sounds mean (I suppose I could rewrite this post for the sake of diplomacy...nah), but if you're a Jewish guy in the area (and perhaps other cities), am I that far off?
Sigh

This is offensive of course. Mostly because it is the stereotype of everyone around the world that Jewish people are not beautiful.

Please post a photo of yourself so we can judge how you look and give you advice on how to improve your appearance to meet girls.

I do encourage you, as someone else has, to try online dating. YES you can indicate that you want someone who is thin/athletic/slim/muscular. I have used online dating and I stated that very clearly in my profile. You can describe exactly what you want and what you don't want so that there is no misunderstanding. But, please do it in a polite way.

Most people use Jewish dating sites but you may have a wider mix if you try the generic sites and indicate that you want Jewish only and put a filter on your profile so that others are screened out. Please do not get into a relationship with another non-Jew if you are not intending to marry her. That is bad form.

Also consider whether you are interested in a long distance relationship. Some people who do not find the Ashkenazi "type" attractive can find a Mizrahi/Sephardic/African/Hispanic/Asian Jew to date if they cast their nets wide enough. Many women would have no problem with moving to Chicago to be your wife.

My two cents....
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:45 AM
 
864 posts, read 733,356 times
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This begs the question: what is attractive?
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Old 11-06-2013, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
2,538 posts, read 4,688,464 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iwishiwerethin View Post
This begs the question: what is attractive?
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
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Old 11-06-2013, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
8,701 posts, read 11,831,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iwishiwerethin View Post
This begs the question: what is attractive?
Opposites.
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:35 PM
 
Location: OC/LA
3,831 posts, read 3,698,340 times
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Jews like Scarlett Johansson
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Old 11-06-2013, 02:41 PM
 
864 posts, read 733,356 times
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Quote:
Opposites
.

To quote Reb Avigdor Miller Zt"l "don't look for somebody who is so different from you, the fact that you are two different genders is opposite enough as in 'opposites attract'."
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Old 11-07-2013, 07:59 AM
 
9,751 posts, read 6,721,123 times
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No intention to offend, but I passed by this section and this song came to mind. This is an unknown Ray Davies/Kinks track probably recorded in the late 60s and starts with a Jewish girl that he manages to love despite her looks. This is not antisemitic and is probably music for those that feel unattractive.


The Kinks- When I Turn Off The Living Room Light - YouTube
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