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Old 03-01-2016, 12:22 PM
 
Location: in the Sacramento area
12 posts, read 14,566 times
Reputation: 16

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[quote=TBideon;30062017]At least in the Chicago area.
And the reason we are dying out.....is your attitude. Look beyond the surface. See the human being, the neshuma, (soul). Get past the yadda yadda -- everyone yadda's when they're nervous.

And mixers are one of the worst places to meet someone. if you want to meet someone, get involved in a Jewish organization, a community center, a non-profit Jewish service or charitable organization. When you're doing a good thing and working side-by-side with people, you get to know them not when they're nervously at the 'meat market' which is what mixers feel like. Just doing some good thing, once a week or once a month or....., and you'll be working WITH people, not standing there like a ******* with your supercilious attitude, judging them. Work at Hillel as a volunteer, work at the Jewish Community organization near you. Join a shul -- reform, conservative, orthodox, secular, reconstructionist -- whatever and then (HORRORS!!!!) actually attend services regularly. Join a committee at that place. You will meet nice people (OK, so JLO won't be one of them, Angelina Jolie won't show up.) Just good women, doing good things. Ya see, that's how to meet someone of real value.
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Old 03-29-2016, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Baltimore
2,331 posts, read 1,521,436 times
Reputation: 715
I have found myself in similar issues. Finding the 'Scarlet Johansson' in the United States is slim picking. However, I find Sephardic woman in Israel to be the most beautiful.
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Old 04-01-2016, 01:53 PM
 
637 posts, read 644,251 times
Reputation: 959
Quote:
Originally Posted by pegotty View Post
I married a non-Jew. Some of my family didn't understand it at the time, but they were supportive. The difficulty with my husband's family has caused MAJOR life stress because of the difference in values/culture, etc. When I try to explain to them why I don't want the children doing certain things, they just can't understand it. We fight over food and holidays, of course, and they have tried to understand my perspective and accommodate our lifestyle, but they don't like it. Not only is it hard for us, but it has ruined the dreams they have had for how their relationship would be with their grandchildren. Basically, all the strife has caused a rift so large between myself and my in-laws that we hardly speak. It has affected their relationship with my children and my kids just don't understand why they (the grandparents) have a closer relationship with the cousins than with them. I know they don't do it on purpose, they just don't understand how to be part of the family without being Jewish. I try to include them, but they are very uncomfortable with it and don't want to be included in that part of our lives...and it permeates everything. There have been times of extreme pain for my children that I would do anything to take away.

All this to say...think long and hard before you decide to marry someone outside of your faith. My in-laws are very southern and not very cosmopolitan. My husband is the first generation to ever attend college. His parents had never met a Jew before. In some cases it would have worked out a lot better, but in ours the combination of cultural differences combined with religious differences made a very hard road.

But to your original problem. Have you considered relocating to an area that has more of a focus on health? When you describe the looks of the people within your local community it seems like the area maybe doesn't attract people with healthier life goals. Of course, Chicago is so cold so much of the year there isn't much opportunity to get out into nature and be fit. California? South Florida? I grew up in SoFL and their were plenty of beautiful Jewish girls there. Anywhere further south where there is sunshine and people are out running/biking/hiking/skiing/kayaking every day?

Also, what is your Myers Briggs type. I think that is very helpful for determining personality fit with a potential spouse.
I agree with your post overall but I think that your problem is this severe because you married a Southerner from a family that is not cosmopolitan. I have encountered non-Jews who are obsessed with Judaism and who would love to join or at least get an inside look at a Jewish family. This is sometimes offensive, too, but I think that they mean well.
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