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Old Yesterday, 02:52 PM
 
1 posts, read 73 times
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Hey everyone. So, my sister and I were raised reform, but I got into orthodoxy in college, while she went the other way and dropped it. She's been dating a guy for a while and they got engaged. While my sister and I have a close relationship, I still have qualms about this. Obviously, I want her to be happy, but I'm disappointed at her violation of halacha and throwing away the potential happiness that comes with having a Jewish family.

While it is understandable that she would marry a non-Jew given that she has no connection, I still am not really behind it. The biggest issue (logistically at least) is if I should go to the wedding. I'll need to come back from yeshiva in Israel, to attend an intermarriage wedding, which doesn't seem right to me. It most likely wouldn't be in a church or reform shul, so no problem with that. The problem is my idealogical stance of coming or not.

Obviously, the expected thing (from my family and sister) is that I come and support her. The straightforward halachic thing would be to not go, so as to not show support for intermarriage. However, doing this would cause problems with my sister, and maybe with the rest of my family (which I don't think is worth the one awkward weekend).

 
Old Yesterday, 03:36 PM
 
591 posts, read 60,465 times
Reputation: 373
Why haven't you asked your rabbi for his opinion? Considering the way you've presented yourself here (religious-minded enough for you to be in a quandary about the situation), it seems odd that you would ask a bunch of strangers for advice without having mentioned that you'd already spoken to your rabbi about it.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:22 PM
 
5,954 posts, read 2,293,894 times
Reputation: 2233
Quote:
Originally Posted by syhtrahs View Post
Hey everyone. So, my sister and I were raised reform, but I got into orthodoxy in college, while she went the other way and dropped it. She's been dating a guy for a while and they got engaged. While my sister and I have a close relationship, I still have qualms about this. Obviously, I want her to be happy, but I'm disappointed at her violation of halacha and throwing away the potential happiness that comes with having a Jewish family.

While it is understandable that she would marry a non-Jew given that she has no connection, I still am not really behind it. The biggest issue (logistically at least) is if I should go to the wedding. I'll need to come back from yeshiva in Israel, to attend an intermarriage wedding, which doesn't seem right to me. It most likely wouldn't be in a church or reform shul, so no problem with that. The problem is my idealogical stance of coming or not.

Obviously, the expected thing (from my family and sister) is that I come and support her. The straightforward halachic thing would be to not go, so as to not show support for intermarriage. However, doing this would cause problems with my sister, and maybe with the rest of my family (which I don't think is worth the one awkward weekend).
Although neither myself nor my wife are religious we got married in a small town church as that was the place for weddings and funerals for her extended family. One of my aunts refused to come because she thought it would be a terrible thing for her children to see a Jew being converted to being a Christian. Of course no cones ion occurred and both my wife and myself are atheists.

Years later my aunt told my mother than it was a great mistake on her part to not attended, partly because she had never made the effort to inquire if a conversion was to take place and that she was never as close to me or my parents and siblings after that.

Being that you are out of your country you might have a good excuse. How important is your sister to you? IMHO if you dont go because of the type of marriage, you are showing disrespect to your sister and her choice of husband. It would be a decision that you cannot undo. Bear in mind that my opinion is that of an atheist who really didn't have much of a Jewish upbringing.
 
Old Yesterday, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Booth Texas
14,844 posts, read 4,979,806 times
Reputation: 1512
Quote:
Originally Posted by badlander View Post
Although neither myself nor my wife are religious we got married in a small town church as that was the place for weddings and funerals for her extended family. One of my aunts refused to come because she thought it would be a terrible thing for her children to see a Jew being converted to being a Christian. Of course no cones ion occurred and both my wife and myself are atheists.

Years later my aunt told my mother than it was a great mistake on her part to not attended, partly because she had never made the effort to inquire if a conversion was to take place and that she was never as close to me or my parents and siblings after that.

Being that you are out of your country you might have a good excuse. How important is your sister to you? IMHO if you dont go because of the type of marriage, you are showing disrespect to your sister and her choice of husband. It would be a decision that you cannot undo. Bear in mind that my opinion is that of an atheist who really didn't have much of a Jewish upbringing.
Yup, family is family, and a decision not to attend can't be undone, in the past, I had chosen my religion over attending family functions and now I regret it, it was just mean of me.

Although I am not a Jew, I would hope that Jews married Jews, I mean, it aint none of my business, but I would hope Jews continued as Jews. I would see it as a very important thing.
 
Old Yesterday, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Lone Star State to Peach State
3,842 posts, read 3,518,128 times
Reputation: 6959
Very interesting first post.
Troll?
You won't find the answer you want here.
 
Old Yesterday, 07:32 PM
 
591 posts, read 60,465 times
Reputation: 373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gilah G. View Post
Very interesting first post.
Troll?
You won't find the answer you want here.

The fact that the OP hasn't been back to respond to any of the comments here, kind of suggests that it's not really answers that he's interested in.

I could be wrong, of course.
 
Old Yesterday, 07:38 PM
 
3,583 posts, read 1,383,703 times
Reputation: 7031
go or not go.
you either are or are not.
 
Old Today, 05:04 AM
 
32,095 posts, read 33,002,049 times
Reputation: 14956
My sister married a non-Jew in a ceremony performed by a Reform Rabbi at an outdoor venue (in the USA) several years ago. My father who lives in Israel (and who was quite religious at that time) didn't attend the wedding at all. I attended the wedding to support my sister with the knowledge that her future children would be Jewish by the Halacha and would be raised Jewish (her groom/husband was raised with no religious background) as it was discussed before the wedding.

The OP has to decide on their own what do according to their conscience.
 
Old Today, 06:02 AM
 
Location: Eretz Yisrael
21,371 posts, read 24,120,799 times
Reputation: 8869
Are you here to test us as I see you asked the identical question 5 years ago on Reddit?

https://www.reddit.com/r/Judaism/com...a_nonjew_help/
 
Old Today, 06:08 AM
 
3,384 posts, read 657,869 times
Reputation: 2400
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pruzhany View Post
Are you here to test us as I see you asked the identical question 5 years ago on Reddit?

https://www.reddit.com/r/Judaism/com...a_nonjew_help/
Good find. I suspected the OP wasn't for real.

Also, it's subtle, but the purpose of the question is to paint Jews as intolerant and drive negativity toward them.
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