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Old 12-05-2011, 07:59 AM
 
3,339 posts, read 7,180,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoNative34 View Post
How so?
I thought there was kind of a dark side to Don, too, and I don't say this in hindsight. I have suffered from depression at times in my life, even had treatment for it. I had the Fox 4 show on every morning for the last few years, and within all the humor and banter, there was often an edge to the snarky things he said. He would start to go off on a controlled rant about something like the Army Corps and their screwup in the flooding -- and then he would be almost manic in his humor. Sometimes he would bite back in a funny way to something a co-anchor said, and I'd think to myself, "I think he really meant that". So while I was shocked, stunned and very saddened at losing him, I wasn't totally surprised after I thought about it. I hope he is at peace now.

The most difficult part of recovering from depression is that you only get one brain, and the brain that's messed up and sending you negative messages about yourself is the same brain you have to use to get yourself out of that state. It's a real Catch-22.
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Old 12-05-2011, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Tower Grove East, St. Louis, MO
12,064 posts, read 27,212,345 times
Reputation: 3739
Quote:
Originally Posted by kcmama View Post
People who commit suicide are not being selfish, although it seems that way to those they leave behind. A suicidal person truly believes that their family and friends are better off without them. In their mind, they feel they are being selfless, not selfish. This (false) realization is often one of the final phases before a person attempts to take their own like. So if you ever hear someone make a statement like that, they need help.

People don't take their own life because of a single event, such as losing their job, or a breakup. Something like that might be the catalyst, but there are many phases a person goes through before taking their own life. Their mind is not functioning properly.
That's kind of a "if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it ..." conundrum. Do you think that just because someone doesn't believe an act is selfish that it then is not a selfish act? I think one could argue that selfishness is in the eye of the beholder -- that it's the victim (in this case the family) whose feelings determine whether an act is ultimately selfish. I've known some narcissists who've done some, what I would consider, wildly selfish things, but you'll certainly never get them to admit that. I just don't think that makes their act any less selfish.

That's all really a neither here nor there philosophical argument, but I just don't want to look crass by suggesting Don or anyone else was selfish -- I agree with you that he must have believed he was doing the right thing.

I think treating suicide with kid gloves only continues the stigma associated with depression as a disease and suicide as a terrible end result. Open discussions of it, are to my mind, always better than trying to sweep it under the rug.
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Old 12-05-2011, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,361,269 times
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^^ Agree.

Simply because a person doesn't intend for their actions to be perceived in a certain way does not mean that they aren't perceived that way. It's definitely a matter of philosophy, but simply because somebody doesn't intend to hurt those around them with their actions (whether those actions are committing suicide or something else) does not negate the reality of that outcome.

This observation is not specific to Don Harman or any other individual person, but while it may well be true that those who commit suicide think that the world will be a better place for their loved ones without them in it, when it comes down to it, if the ones left behind don't agree with that assessment, then who's to say their pain is any less real?

It's like saying, "Because I didn't intend to hurt you, you shouldn't feel hurt." It doesn't work that way. I don't believe that those who commit suicide necessarily intend to hurt those who care about them. But that's certainly the result, intent or no. Perhaps Don (and others who've made similar decisions) truly did believe they were doing the right thing (or only thing they could). But that doesn't mean it feels that way to the ones left behind, and that does matter.
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Old 12-05-2011, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Kansas City, MO
5,758 posts, read 9,489,324 times
Reputation: 2791
Quote:
Originally Posted by kcmama View Post
People who commit suicide are not being selfish, although it seems that way to those they leave behind. A suicidal person truly believes that their family and friends are better off without them. In their mind, they feel they are being selfless, not selfish. This (false) realization is often one of the final phases before a person attempts to take their own like. So if you ever hear someone make a statement like that, they need help.
Just because they do not think they are being selfish, it doesnt mean that they arent being selfishing. Committing suicide is the most selfish act a person can engage in unless maybe by doing so you are saving another life or something of that nature.

My step brother committed suicide a year and half ago and there is still a domino effect taking place including his friend who watched him fire the gun twice being so messed up that he is on the verge of taking his own life and refuses help.

The act is beyond selfish regardless of what that person thinks at the time.
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Old 12-05-2011, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Cleverly concealed
889 posts, read 1,428,548 times
Reputation: 887
As some of you know, I work at FOX 4. I doubt we'll truly know why it happened. His family may never know for sure. All I know is I'm angry, feeling guilty, and angry some more. But each day I feel a little better.

I spent three years on the morning show. I didn't consider Don to be anything more than occasionally stubborn, perhaps a perfectionist, as many of us are in television. He connected so wonderfully with viewers. People always asked about Don when meeting me in public. I knew he took medication occasionally. But I never saw it coming. No one did.

I'll try my best to answer any questions you might have, but please note we are not in the business of speculation, and I've seen a lot of outrageous statements in the blog-o-sphere that only make me more angry.
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Old 12-05-2011, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,361,269 times
Reputation: 48613
There's definitely a lot of conjecture going on out there. Again with the vultures.
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Old 12-06-2011, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Tower Grove East, St. Louis, MO
12,064 posts, read 27,212,345 times
Reputation: 3739
I can't imagine how hard it would be to have to read some of the awful things people are saying on the internet while you're grieving. I'm sorry for you and all his coworkers and well as friends and family, radio.

It's a good reminder that even with the relative anonymity of the internet, we're not free from our personal obligation to not be needlessly hurtful.
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