Should I go or stay? (Kansas City: house, employment, buy) - City-Data Forum

writerathome · 11-04-2007, 02:23 AM

I've been in a relationship for 6 years. My sign. other has found a job in the Kansas City area and wants me to leave my home in Tulsa and move there with him. I am divorced after a 30 year marriage. I will be leaving my three teenagers behind with their dad, my elderly parents, a brother and sister. I own my home here and have a great job here. I feel like that is too much to ask of me. Especially when he doesn't even know if he will like the job and the area. He tends to job hop and that too really bothers me. The company will move us and even buy my home if it doesn't sell. Still, I feel my kids are most important and that I should wait until they are in college to make a major change like this. I feel like this is a major test and that he wants me to put him before my kids and show him he is first in my life. In my opinion, the kids should be first until they are grown and on their own or in college.
Anyone out there have insight??

christina0001 · 11-06-2007, 08:45 PM

Given the circumstances, I wouldn't move. You have so much to lose. I think it would be wisest to wait until your kids are older...being that you have kids to think about, he has no right to expect you to move that far from them.

kmflan · 11-07-2007, 10:47 PM

I wouldn't do it. I would not, could not be that far away from my kids.

mrjason · 11-07-2007, 11:36 PM

Hello and welcome to the forum, but seriously...your question might just need a profesional opininion.

Best of luck.

Jason

DontBelieveYourLies · 11-09-2007, 09:40 AM

Compromise is important..but I wouldn't leave your teenage kids. Parents are most needed when they're children become teenagers.. It's tough. You should make the major changes when some or all of the kids are in college.. How old are they? Maybe some will want to move with you? But if they don't want to move, and they don't want you to move... don't go..

writerathome · 11-09-2007, 10:18 PM

Well, I appreciate the input. My kiddos are 14, 16, and 20. Two obviously in highschool, one in college. Since the divorce, he have shared custody and I bought a house 3 blocks from their dad. They come and go ad lib and it's worked out pretty well. Nah .....we don't need Dr. Phil. They are great kids, no issues. I just think they would be hurt and feel abandoned if their mom move away from them. I would not even dream of taking them out of school and moving them because they have lived in the same house and gone to the same schools all their lives. My needs are secondary to theirs and that's just the way it is. They will all be in college soon enough. I love this blog.

kubaby1 · 11-10-2007, 11:34 AM

I am almost shoked that you are considering this. Not to be offensive, but your kids are not at an age where you should leave them. Especially the 14 and 16 year old. I recently left KC for a job elsewhere. It sounded great but I got to the new job and it was terrible. Be a mom and put your kids first. My mother left me in a similar way when I was young and it is just not fair to the kids. They may say they don't mind much but you will miss out on so much and so will they. Just my 2 cents

writerathome · 11-10-2007, 08:47 PM

I appreciate your concern. Financial issues are at the heart of many alternatives we consider as adults. I don't think this would have even been a consideration if the stakes were not so high. There is a great deal of unemployment in some areas of the country. In others, there are incredible opportunities. For my significant other, that has been the issue for over 3 years. He has sought employment where we are and has taken several temporary contract positions just to keep the fires burning. His having to leave is a sacrifice for many. But after looking for a permanent position for so long, there was just a point where he had to face the reality that there is just nothing here in his line of work. It is selfish for him to think that I should come with him and leave everything, but the situation is certainly not his fault. By posting this, he has been able to see that I am not being inconsiderate of him by saying I just can't go at this time. I hope no one here is ever put in this position. However, I don't think the circumstances are all that uncommon.

kmflan · 11-11-2007, 11:14 PM

I thought you put that all very nicely, Writer. After all, we are total strangers and you owe us no explanation. Best wishes to you and your family.

mommagonenutz · 11-12-2007, 08:18 AM

Do a Temp move... Try it out and see if you like it. DONT do the full move yet!! Give yourself a few months to see if you would like it. Knowing that if you dont or things dont work out that you can always go back.