Pratt Kansas and religion (Wichita, Topeka: fit in, how much, home)

[Sage44]

Hey folks, we are thinking of moving to Pratt Kansas or the surrounding area.
How religious are folks there??

I ask NOT to offend anyone, BUT where we live now, if you DO not attend the church YOU are no-one, and get treated like dirt! Not accepted for jobs in town and our daughter of 5 is looked down upon..all because we do not attend church.

We are NOT church going people. We have been to several throught our years and in all honesty church is not for us.

Is Kansas open minded?? Or are we getting into the same situation?
Honest answers without hate appreciated!

[Samantha S]

I am not specifically familiar with Pratt, but I grew up in Hays which is nearby.

Pratt is going to be like pretty much all small towns in the region. Most people go to church and many will not understand those who don't. <shrug>

That said, YOU and your spouse have the opportunity to steer the perceptions and first impressions people will have of you.

It's a common small-town question for newcomers: "Where are you going to church?" You need not answer "We won't be, because churches suck!"

I'm teasing you, of course. You would not answer this way, I know.

But as a non-Christian, who has been able to make and keep friends, jobs and respect in small-town KS, I do have some experience with this.

You can bet you will be asked about going to church. But you can begin by simply answering, "We haven't decided on church yet. Very busy moving and all. How about you? Where do you go?" Very few people will ask you more than once, but that answer is good for quite a while and can be updated as needed. This also turns the tables and allows you to gauge how open you wish to be about the subject with that person.

At some point you, your family or your daughter will be invited to a church service or function. It's perfectly okay to attend these even if you don't subscribe to the religion. Consider them social functions, a means of meeting people in the community, and participate in the religion only the extent you are comfortable doing so. You might find some enjoyment in the social aspect of it even if you never "join" the church and this too will alleviate criticism.

Consider too that some of the criticism may in fact be perceived on your part. I know not all of it is, because I've experienced it too. But once I came to perfectly peaceful terms with my own spirituality and my husband and I agreed about how we would raise our kids and how and when we would attend churches (which we do occassionally,) I no longer took a confused look as a personal slight.

Many people, who have grown up in small town churches really are just surprised to meet others who were not raised the same way. They don't mean to treat you "like dirt", but they don't know HOW to treat you. And when people don't know what to say, they often say nothing (which feels like ignoring) or worse, blurt out something silly that they may later regret, but are unable to take back. Which means they will avoid you out of embarrassment, but may also pass the buck back to you for justification of their rudeness ...... and on and on it goes. Then you have small town gossip that adds fuel to the fire ....

Again, I would simply encourage you to be friendly and open. It can be difficult to integrate into a small town on many levels. But if you go in with a chip on your shoulder, it will be noticed immediately and you may as well not even set down your bags.

Learn a bit about the history of the town. Ask lots of questions of the locals and be open to learning the ways of life, the lay of the land and to meeting people in the settings that make THEM comfortable, and you'll be fine.

Good luck to you!!

[j_k_k]

Alternatively, you could just explain to them that you find the idea of eating your god to be really grotesque, but that you don't mind if others do it.

[chele123]

I wasn't religious when I moved to this small town and I don't recall anybody taking issue with it. If nothing else, join a Church and then just don't go, like most of the parishioners in my Church!

[Sage44]

First j_k_k...LOL!!!

Samantha S- I really like you! you have a great way of looking at things. Made me think, you know could be folks are afraid to talk to us because they do not understand.

I have lived in small towns before, but these southern baptist folks are really scary to me! LOL
You have many good points and ideas and I sure will keep them in mind!

I will continue to research.
This is not why we are moving of course, my hubby is into bowhunting and well it's downright expensive to hunt here because 97% of Texas is owned (privately), also my hubby does HVAC work and they do not offer reitrement which is rather important this day and age.

We have horses and just love outdoor stuff, which there again with Tx being owned it's hard to do anything, LOL.

I do appreciate your honesty and help!

[Sage44]

Chele 123..well good to know you were not approached, that is common everyday stuff here in our town and what worse is it happens at my hubby's work!! They pressure him to come (to church)and try to hand him CD's to bring home and listen too, they have put Bibles in his coat pockets AND his boss questioned him a lot about why we do not go to church and weren't we "worried about our daughters soul" that kind of stuff ticks me off, it's none of their biz, in my opinion.

[_redbird_]

SamanthaS, great post! Thankfully, my years in KS never involved small towns. I lived in Lawrence and Manhattan for about 10 years. Most of the students from KSU were from small towns. And I worked the entire time in Manhattan, so I experienced the "townies". I was a smart ass, and they learned not to go zealous on me

I live in Oklahoma now, and it is ground zero for Free Will Baptists. I think we have five Baptist churches in our small town, and there are three different kinds of Baptist churches here. The Free Will Baptists make other baptists look worldly.

It is very strange to go to work and hear people dish other denominations. But apparently, that is the status quo. We were even told there would be no Catholics in heaven!

Since most of the people I work with are from small towns, it is a never ending wonderment to hear some of them talk. Very strange. I simply don't get into religious debates at work. It's not professional IMO.

Hopefully, people will respect you once they see how you act at work. My advice is just be yourself. Let them deal with it. Good luck on your move.

[j_k_k]

In all seriousness, I've often contemplated moving back home. While I would in some ways like living in Chase County where my family is from, I'm not suited to it because I'm extremely prickly about anyone asking nosy questions about my religion. Far as I'm concerned, I don't preach at them, they shouldn't preach at me. I regard the question itself as far ruder and more forward than how much money I make, or what's my favorite sex position. That being the case, and being that first impressions tend to last, and the first impression of me for anyone who bangs on my door and blurts "Excuse me, what church do you go to?" is likely to be that I'm unsociable and vulgar, I really don't belong in any town in Kansas smaller than about 30,000. Emporia would work, as would Hutch, Topeka, Lawrence, Wichita.

So, applying that to your situation, it all depends on how you construe the inquiry. If you don't find it abominably rude and nosey, then maybe you are willing to do it the Samantha way. I'm not, by and large. I love to (and do) have good relations with my neighbors of any faith, but not if the price is that I must make even the pretense of being even slightly open to being drawn into the orbit of any form of Christianity. If they accept me as I am, great; I'll do the same, and they're welcome to borrow a cup of sugar or stop by for a beer any time. If their religion objects to drinking I'll make them a tea, no problem. But if there's a Jesus litmus test for friendship, frankly, I don't care to be friends--they can leave me alone and I'll do them the same courtesy. And in Kansas, that probably means someplace of a certain size that allows for a certain level of voluntary privacy, where a new person moving to town simply isn't big news.

[Samantha S]

Originally Posted by Sage44

Chele 123..well good to know you were not approached, that is common everyday stuff here in our town and what worse is it happens at my hubby's work!! They pressure him to come (to church)and try to hand him CD's to bring home and listen too, they have put Bibles in his coat pockets AND his boss questioned him a lot about why we do not go to church and weren't we "worried about our daughters soul" that kind of stuff ticks me off, it's none of their biz, in my opinion.

Thanks for the kind words Sage and redbird.

I agree it's highly inappropriate to do what you have described above, especially in the workplace.

But even then, I would take the same approach. They are not doing this to be mean, many denominations require "witnessing" to nonbelievers as part of their way of life.

It's kind of like when you have a cold and everybody "knows" what you should do to feel better. They feel they have your best interests at heart (and most of the time they do, you just don't agree, and you don't have to.) So treat people like this the same way you would treat someone with a kooky cold remedy: Smile. Thank them sincerely for their concern. Assure them that you will consider their offer (whether it be advice or invitation or whatever) and then go do what you want to do.

If pressured as above, again thank the person with a smile and explain gently, "I appreciate your concern. I can see you are passionate about your faith. I am happy for you and I respect your strong church community. But my spouse and I are also happy and quite comfortable with our own spirituality. I hope that you can respect that as well and we can remain friends."

[Samantha S]

Originally Posted by j_k_k

So, applying that to your situation, it all depends on how you construe the inquiry. If you don't find it abominably rude and nosey, then maybe you are willing to do it the Samantha way. I'm not, by and large. I love to (and do) have good relations with my neighbors of any faith, but not if the price is that I must make even the pretense of being even slightly open to being drawn into the orbit of any form of Christianity. If they accept me as I am, great; I'll do the same, and they're welcome to borrow a cup of sugar or stop by for a beer any time. If their religion objects to drinking I'll make them a tea, no problem. But if there's a Jesus litmus test for friendship, frankly, I don't care to be friends--they can leave me alone and I'll do them the same courtesy. And in Kansas, that probably means someplace of a certain size that allows for a certain level of voluntary privacy, where a new person moving to town simply isn't big news.

The title of the thread specifically mentions Pratt. So I tailored my answer accordingly. If you want to live in a small town comfortably, you have to make the effort to fit in. In Smalltown, KS, that doesn't require converting, but it will require treading lightly and respectfully around religion and religious topics.