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Old 12-16-2009, 08:40 PM
 
6 posts, read 39,433 times
Reputation: 19

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Original Poster again.
Yeah, I have talked to the police, I talked to Legal Services on campus (Free as a KU Student) but they deal with drunk parties, speeding tickets, and land landlord crap not separations. I have a referral for an attorney. Job situation however, is very limited. But i did call Kansas Legal services, I think it might be free...or atleast extremely low, income qualified, I had to submit an application and see if they will take it. It really blows my mind how little protection I have. You want to know what the real scary part is however, according to the police because the kids are communal property in the eyes of the state, I can drive to FL, pick them up and bring them back and there is absolutely nothing she can do...the real question is do I tell her when I do it? See is she knows what it feels like to just come home and poof, no kids. Maybe you will see me on CNN for kidnapping!
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:03 PM
 
119 posts, read 332,205 times
Reputation: 42
As someone who will be an attorney a year from now (I'm in law school) I urge you to seek out legal counsel from an attorney familiar with this area of family law, or any family law background at all. Do not go to FL and drag the kids back to KS, it may feel good when you first do it but it has far more potential for causing you headaches down the road. This is especially true if a custody battle is somewhere on the horizon.

It sounds like you are on the verge of meeting with a pro bono or low-fee attorney to discuss the situation, wait it out and make sure you meet with that person before taking any drastic steps.
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Old 12-17-2009, 07:25 AM
 
Location: Bel Aire, KS
498 posts, read 1,219,160 times
Reputation: 235
Personally the court will side with you because you are in a more stable condition in your life than your wife who is showing severe instability including mood swings which can be dangerous. I hate to say this but the safety of your kids is a huge priority over your marriage. Too many mothers out there are killing their kids. Wake up please.
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Old 12-17-2009, 11:09 AM
 
6 posts, read 39,433 times
Reputation: 19
Original Poster again.
I just got back from a meeting with my pastor only minutes ago. And in short I have, what he said, rationalizing in my head, and I agree with the last two posts specifically to this...grabing the kids is my right and may make me feel good and all these things I am doing are satisfying that deep since of desire I feel or want, my kids back with me, but they may be misconstrued as "The Rambling of a Mad Man" (according to the pastor). And there is no way in this world and with the media, could I ever be put in a good light, I would be the one who: Took his kids from his mother. And there would be no mention anywhere in the media about her doing the same thing and denying me the rights to them. The media would warp the story to hike there rating and to show that this father is "bad or just abusive, or anything that lacks the truth" So I have completely removed that from my mind, and have given it to God. tToday is the last day of finals week for me so I will have time to focus on that legal stuff full time, the attorney and legal actions. I really don't want to be on CNN for exercising my god give rights to be a good father as well as my legal right to have custody of my kids. It would be exceptionally bad without my wife knowing...so I will continue to take the higher road. I will not seek them out. I will do what is right. I have several options open to me and will have to sit and be patient. The best thing to do is not always the easiest.
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Old 12-18-2009, 10:30 AM
 
29 posts, read 73,157 times
Reputation: 18
You said you wanted to reconcile this marriage. I see two problems - one is trust issues. If she's going to take the kids without your knowledge, she's capable of other things.

And to me, a mom who just up and takes the kids without telling dad - she has some kind of fear issues of you, in that she's afraid to tell you she's leaving.

Two, is what if she doesn't want to reconcile. Obviously, you did something that really made her mad - mad enough to do this to you. You should figure out what it is.

First, being married, both have rights to the kids, so addressing kidnapping - she's not kidnapping the kids.

You have only 2 options. One, go down to FL and try to take them back. Or two, file divorce papers.

Even if you want to reconcile, filing will protect your rights as a parent.

Also, once you do show she stole the kids out from under you, a judge isn't going to be happy with that, and it will effect her visitation rights. The courts will look at this very harshly. They could even rule 'supervised visitation only'.

However, if you do go down to FL to take them back, that will compromise your position - and you too will be viewed as not trustworthy in the courts.

As long as she's in the states, you have a good chance getting your kids back.

And just because a woman has a hysterectomy - doesn't mean she turns wacko. I know lots of women with hysterectomy's, and they are fine even with the new imbalance. It's more to do with hot flashes - not weird ideas. Sounds more like you lack compassion in what she's going thru more than she has a hormonal imbalance. I really don't know, but you should find out what's bothering her.

I don't think you are telling us the full story.
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:02 PM
Sco
 
4,259 posts, read 4,088,146 times
Reputation: 3353
I agree that we are only getting part of the story, this tale of a deranged mother taking the children and leaving a loving husband and father behind that wants nothing more than to be a shiny happy family again is pure crap.

1. She is the mother of the children and has the full legal right to take them anywhere that she chooses. There is no law that says she cannot take them out of state as has been stated. You would have to have a court order to keep her from doing this.
2. Unless you are an expert in the laws of Florida and any other state that you may enter while bringing your children back, it would be incredibly stupid to try. There is no way that you would come out on top of a situation in which you either by stealth or force took the children away from their mother. You may end up in a jail cell or hospital bed wondering how all of the "experts" you have been talking to could have been so wrong.
3. Without information about what she is doing in Florida, you are wasting your time even thinking about getting your children back. She may have already obtained a restraining order, a temporary custody order and be in the process of filing for divorce in Florida.
4. If you are serious about wanting your children back you will have to find the money to hire an attorney that works in this area. Free student legal aid and a pastor are not going to cut it. You need to get proactive and serious or one day a process server is going to show up and then you will be playing catchup.
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Old 12-18-2009, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
2,221 posts, read 4,653,809 times
Reputation: 1682
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sco View Post
I agree that we are only getting part of the story, this tale of a deranged mother taking the children and leaving a loving husband and father behind that wants nothing more than to be a shiny happy family again is pure crap.
We may be only getting part of the story indeed. Maybe the mother is mentally ill. Maybe she's become a substance abuser. Maybe she's gone to sell sex with the kids to some e-perv she just met online. All of these scenarios have played out before. Why do you suggest it's not possible that a husband and father got blind-sided by a woman with other issues going on?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sco View Post
1. She is the mother of the children and has the full legal right to take them anywhere that she chooses. There is no law that says she cannot take them out of state as has been stated. You would have to have a court order to keep her from doing this.
So it works for the mother, but not for the father? If what you say is true the he is the father of the children, and has the full legal right to take them wherever HE chooses. She can cart them out of state anywhere she wants, but he can't? Great advice from a jailhouse lawyer, and apparently a feminist one at that. In fact I would suggest that neither of them has the right to take the kids away from the other, and the one that did is going to find herself on shaky defensive ground when this enters the legal system.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sco View Post
2. Unless you are an expert in the laws of Florida and any other state that you may enter while bringing your children back, it would be incredibly stupid to try. There is no way that you would come out on top of a situation in which you either by stealth or force took the children away from their mother. You may end up in a jail cell or hospital bed wondering how all of the "experts" you have been talking to could have been so wrong.
But it was OK for her to do exactly the same thing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sco View Post
3. Without information about what she is doing in Florida, you are wasting your time even thinking about getting your children back. She may have already obtained a restraining order, a temporary custody order and be in the process of filing for divorce in Florida.
What, so he should just give up?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sco View Post
4. If you are serious about wanting your children back you will have to find the money to hire an attorney that works in this area. Free student legal aid and a pastor are not going to cut it. You need to get proactive and serious or one day a process server is going to show up and then you will be playing catchup.
"If you are serious about wanting your children back"?? The implication woven in here is both obvious and offensive--he's a guy, so his seriousness about actually wanting his own kids is automatically up for question.

The hopelessness a guy can face when confronted by people that think like this is one big reason why Smith and Wesson, attorneys at law, does such a booming business in resolving these sorts of domestic disputes.
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Old 12-18-2009, 04:06 PM
Sco
 
4,259 posts, read 4,088,146 times
Reputation: 3353
Bob, you seem to have some serious anger issues toward women. I am guessing that your relationships haven't worked out so well for you in the past. A more rational person is going to understand that it is very likely that the OP has left out a lot of the story. It is clear that she wanted to get herself and the kids far away from this guy quickly, there has to be a reason why.

Also, a person that was serious about getting their kids back, male or female is going to come up with a much better plan than complaining on the internet, and talking to the campus free legal service and a pastor.
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Old 12-18-2009, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
2,221 posts, read 4,653,809 times
Reputation: 1682
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sco View Post
Bob, you seem to have some serious anger issues toward women. I am guessing that your relationships haven't worked out so well for you in the past. A more rational person is going to understand that it is very likely that the OP has left out a lot of the story. It is clear that she wanted to get herself and the kids far away from this guy quickly, there has to be a reason why.

Also, a person that was serious about getting their kids back, male or female is going to come up with a much better plan than complaining on the internet, and talking to the campus free legal service and a pastor.
I have some anger issues towards a system that is far too often biased towards women, even those that misbehave. Personally, I am happily married for several decades now.

You obviously don't understand the concept of support...it's ridiculous to assume that all the OP is doing is posting here. But he probably is looking for a shoulder or two to cry on. Nothing wrong with that.

I understand that irrational people take their kids and run for lots of irrational reasons every day. People use the kids as pawns in disputes about money, when caught in infidelity or gambling or substance abuse, to assert power or to cause hurt to the other party, etc. Assuming that the OP must be misrepresenting his perspective of what happened isn't fair to him, and reflects an obvious bias on your part.

I have no doubt that if the roles were reversed, and it was a woman complaining that her husband absconded with the kids in similar circumstances, your advice and comment would take an entirely different tone.
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:04 PM
 
68 posts, read 63,460 times
Reputation: 110
Let this be a lesson to any young guys out there who are thinking of getting married and having kids in the U.S. If any dispute ever arises with your wife you'll automatically be treated with suspicion and regarded as a second-class parent by the system with no real rights -- other than the right to pay half of what you earn for the next twenty years with no real access to your children.

Only a fool gets married and has children in a system which is stacked against him. Leave the U.S. to get married and have children if you must.
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