"Bless your heart!" Should I still feel offended? (garden, deal)

[dave1961]

First, I'd like to preface my question by saying that I am asking this question purely for informational purposes only. It is not meant to insult, provoke, or otherwise offend the southern folks.
That said.......can someone explain to me what the deal is when a southerner might say something offensive to someone, and they say "bless your heart" either before or after the offensive comment? Is it to disguise the insult, or take the edge off of it? It hasn't happened to me personally, I'm just curious.

[JMT]

Originally Posted by dave1961

First, I'd like to preface my question by saying that I am asking this question purely for informational purposes only. It is not meant to insult, provoke, or otherwise offend the southern folks.
That said.......can someone explain to me what the deal is when a southerner might say something offensive to someone, and they say "bless your heart" either before or after the offensive comment? Is it to disguise the insult, or take the edge off of it? It hasn't happened to me personally, I'm just curious.

Well, I know that when I say "bless your/his/her heart" it's not meant as an insult but merely to soften what could otherwise be taken as a criticism. For example, today after church a guy was plunking a few keys on the piano but obviously didn't know how to play. I said to him, "Bless your heart, I guess you never had piano lessons."

[jabogitlu]

To really get it, I think you have to understand both a Southern sense of humor and a Southern sense of self. We're very self-deprecating... and sometimes that is projected onto other people too, but we don't like to criticise others, so we preface it with that. It's also a sort of humour thing, as if we're saying "haha, poor you!"

Since we don't take offense that easily to just about anything (welllll, unless a non-Southerner's involved ), it's not that big a deal.

[hiknapster]

And sometimes "Bless your heart" really means "Bless your heart."

If you are quick with people and their nuances then it is easy. Southerners are full of nuances, which I love.

Anyway, let's give you an example:

I say, "My daughter's in the hospital."

SMG says, "Oh honey, bless your heart."

She really means it.

And sometimes it means we know that you are crazy/confused/a jerk, but we love you anyways.

My husband says, "Frank down the street was walking around his front lawn in his underwear, again."

I say, "Well bless his heart."

You'll catch on.

[leonard]

Originally Posted by jabogitlu

Since we don't take offense that easily to just about anything (welllll, unless a non-Southerner's involved ;)), it's not that big a deal.

Well bless your heart.

[Beretta]

Usually when a southerner says it to your face they really mean it/what they are saying; when they say it behind your back they are gossiping about you.

It's up to each individual it is said to to decide if they are offended or not. There is just no way to guess each situation.

[knoxgarden]

Totally situational.
"Bless your heart" without modifiers and said directly to you is several steps up from "Thank you."
When it's said about someone else it usually means, "Lord knows he/she tries, and I give him/her points for trying even though the result wasn't what I wanted/hoped for."
That's the way you usually hear it. It's saying that someone has a good heart even though the execution fell short of the mark.
"She always contributes to the bake sale, bless her heart, but what she makes just isn't edible!"
It sounds catty, but really isn't.
What is catty is when a Southern woman describes something as "nice." "How nice for you," is a put-down in the South. It follows the Southern mother's directive to "be sweet" and "if you can't say something nice about someone, don't say anything."

[jabogitlu]

Originally Posted by leonard

Well bless your heart.

You're catching on.

Knoxgarden is right. "Nice" is usually totally fake and/or insulting. "Oh, that's nice," sometimes isn't *that* bad, but almost always means "Oh, okay, I'm not really listening to you and/or don't care."

[hiknapster]

I don't think anyone has said "nice" to me. I guess that's a good sign.

I don't like it when you say, "thank you" and someone says, "a-huh" in that sing-songy voice. It kind of sounds rude.

Maybe it's just me.

[jabogitlu]

Uh oh! I say that all the time. Don't mean nothin by it.