Unspoken Southern Rules (Knoxville, Mason, Friendship: fit in, condo, house)

[JoanD'Arc]

Originally Posted by jabogitlu

Um... okay, maybe I've not been to that many weddings, but aren't gifts given at the bridal shower??? Or are there wedding gifts too? I've never seen gifts at a reception.

No, I've never heard of people not going to a funeral because they're not a member of that church. THat would just be strange?


This, however, is true.

Lots of people don't go to the shower, if there is one. Guys, for example, if it's not a couple's shower.
I think shower gifts and wedding gifts are different.

Thanks for the backup on the friends note!

[LilCabinGirl]

As a transplant, I've not heard of any of those things. I find everyone to be customarily not much different than places I have lived. Actually, I don't really feel much different here at all with the exception of a lot less rudeness.

LCG

[Kitties of Domination]

Originally Posted by LilCabinGirl

As a transplant, I've not heard of any of those things. I find everyone to be customarily not much different than places I have lived. Actually, I don't really feel much different here at all with the exception of a lot less rudeness.

LCG

While there are many unspoken rules of ettiquette in the south, I am not familiar with the funeral one. I assumed that the wedding gift thing was universal. The third one is true. These three are, in my opinion, more trivial and not the key unspoken rules of etiquette. Here are a few:

1. Profanity is not used around women older than yourself. Old-schoolers will not use profanity around any woman.
2. If there are men or couples walking out a door behind you, the door is held until they reach it. If it is a woman, it is held open until she comes through the door completely.
3. All women at a table place their orders before the men at a restaurant. In general, women go first.
4. Generally, one is to be polite, even to those they personally do not like.

There are more, but I'm getting sleepy.

[jabogitlu]

3. All women at a table place their orders before the men at a restaurant. In general, women go first.

This is the one that I find people having trouble with. I have a lot of friends that aren't from the South and they have a LOT of trouble with this one, LOL! We're very gender-equal here but still... women go first.

I use profanity around women older than myself - it has less to do with age and gender as it does person. I don't feel comfortable cursing around people who I know are religious etc.

[hiknapster]

Originally Posted by Kitties of Domination

While there are many unspoken rules of ettiquette in the south, I am not familiar with the funeral one. I assumed that the wedding gift thing was universal. The third one is true. These three are, in my opinion, more trivial and not the key unspoken rules of etiquette. Here are a few:

1. Profanity is not used around women older than yourself. Old-schoolers will not use profanity around any woman.
2. If there are men or couples walking out a door behind you, the door is held until they reach it. If it is a woman, it is held open until she comes through the door completely.
3. All women at a table place their orders before the men at a restaurant. In general, women go first.
4. Generally, one is to be polite, even to those they personally do not like.

There are more, but I'm getting sleepy.

The wedding gift thing is universal. You are suppose to send the gift to the house, according to the rules of etiquette, but few do anymore.

The funeral thing is probably true of a few people, but that is anywhere. My mother tends to not go to any church that isn't hers, especially if it is Roman Catholic.

I was brought up on all four of the above rules. Any decent waiter or waitress knows that it is women then men.

Oh, but wait. This is about THE SOUTH. Funny, but I was born and raised in THE NORTH.

Politeness, which is really what etiquette comes down to, is completely gone in this country. I raved over a waiter at The Naples Italian Restaurant who can add and subtract things on the table so fast that you didn't realize he was there. Sad that it use to be standard as was keeping your water glass filled, standing when a lady approaches the table, gets up to leave, etc.

I must have been born when dinosaurs walked the earth.

Sounds like someone is bending your ear, Deborah-53. And SMG, you can let off your hands, now.

[Capt. Dan]

Originally Posted by JoanD'Arc

As a transplanted Northerner, I've had some very interesting experiences, mostly in the friends/ acquaintence dept. Apparently a true Southern lady will meet a particular person and invite him or her places, not to be friends, but to introduce them to people who MIGHT want to be their friend!!!

Very confusing!! My experience "up North" told me that if a person invites you to their home for dinner, they want to be your friend. Also if you invite someone to your home for dinner, you want to be their friend, and their acceptance indicates they'd like to give it a try.

As far as I know, even "up North" gifts are not supposed to be taken to the reception. They are mailed or taken to the bride's home or that of her parents. For one reason: The reception is immediately followed by the honeymoon and the newlyweds shouldn't have to make arrangements at the reception for someone to babysit their gifts, hoping the cards would stay with them, until they return.

Obvioulsy these things are going to vary depending on the people/circumstances; those are only my experiences, plus a reading of "Miss Manners!"

This is why true Southern couples only register at Walmart! Walmart will hold the gifts for you until you return from your Talledaga honeymoon. And how handy to hold your reception at the walmart deli!!!!!!!!

[JoanD'Arc]

Originally Posted by Kitties of Domination

While there are many unspoken rules of ettiquette in the south, I am not familiar with the funeral one. I assumed that the wedding gift thing was universal. The third one is true. These three are, in my opinion, more trivial and not the key unspoken rules of etiquette. Here are a few:

1. Profanity is not used around women older than yourself. Old-schoolers will not use profanity around any woman.
2. If there are men or couples walking out a door behind you, the door is held until they reach it. If it is a woman, it is held open until she comes through the door completely.
3. All women at a table place their orders before the men at a restaurant. In general, women go first.
4. Generally, one is to be polite, even to those they personally do not like.

There are more, but I'm getting sleepy.

I grew up in the North and lived there until after 30 years of age. Since it was in the Dark Ages, only the coarsest people used profanity, around anyone.
Doors were held for women and men rose when a woman walked into the room.
When at a restaurant table, the eldest woman ordered first, then her husband or escort. Then the next eldest woman and her partner and so on. That got kind of old so it changed to the eldest woman and dinner date, then the next person or couple, usually to the right.

The thing I find hardest to accept in the South is the false politeness mentioned here. It works out to be false friendliness, so one does not know whether the person speaks from the heart. I do not appreciate it one bit.

Sadly, as mentioned above, courtesy and civil politeness have pretty much gone out of the window.

[JMT]

Originally Posted by JoanD'Arc

I grew up in the North and lived there until after 30 years of age. Since it was in the Dark Ages, only the coarsest people used profanity, around anyone.
Doors were held for women and men rose when a woman walked into the room.
When at a restaurant table, the eldest woman ordered first, then her husband or escort. Then the next eldest woman and her partner and so on. That got kind of old so it changed to the eldest woman and dinner date, then the next person or couple, usually to the right.

The thing I find hardest to accept in the South is the false politeness mentioned here. It works out to be false friendliness, so one does not know whether the person speaks from the heart. I do not appreciate it one bit.

Sadly, as mentioned above, courtesy and civil politeness have pretty much gone out of the window.

Bless your heart.

[oldmanbob]

Friendship start in many ways, and having someone for dinner, will be a quick way of knowing if you have common interest, and want to carry on further. As Williamsold states, you go to the funeral to pay last respect to the family, and never heard on anyone not going, because of not being member of Church! You could respect the privacy if stated, as sometimes because of bad injuries, the family would like to keep it private, but that does not occur often. I would attend service, just to show respect, and not worry about what outsiders think, so just do the right thing.

[JoanD'Arc]

Originally Posted by JMT

Bless your heart.

um... Thanks?

I've learned that means "I sympathize with you" or "you poor, dumb thing, I won't let you see me laugh."