Unspoken Southern Rules (Knoxville, Kingsport: neighborhoods, wedding reception, live in)

[mbmouse]

I am from "up north" then lived "down in FL" before moving here to TN over 12 years ago. I have learned a lot here hahahahhaa.
The wedding gift thing I think is the same about gifts anywhere now, if you can not attend the wedding, send it to the brides parents house and if you attend, bring it with you, there will be a table.
Funerals, you go to pay your respects no matter what kind of church and you respect the families beliefs and practices during that time whether you agree or not. It is known up front whether you are expected grave side or family only, I think that goes hand in hand with the chosen religion of the deceased.
As for some other "Southern ways" and things I was not used to but learned very quickly: Up north it was common practice that if you were invited to a home for dinner, you brought a bottle of wine and it was either opened or not while you were there, either was fine. In the south, do not bring any kind of alcohol, you bring food, usually a desert type item, or a little gift or sorts for the hostess. Never show up to someones home empty handed for any reason.
If someone gives you a plant, you do not say "thank you", you can say anything but "thank you" as it is believed the plant will die if it is given as a gift. ( I only found this in farm type areas where the majority are "old timers".) If your neighbor does something for you if you need help such as: you have a flat tire, something lifted that takes many people,you are seen with a shovel turning over your garden and the neighbor just shows up with a tractor and plow, you have a water line break, etc. and your neighbor shows up to help without being asked, do not offer money for their time or service. This is considered offensive, but don't forget to be sure they have something to drink and/or eat before they leave. Now if you need to knock on your neighbors door to ask for assistance, offer to pay for their time, I have found the money will usually be turned down, but it is only right to offer, unless you know that neighbor very very well and they are considered friends already, then you will offend if you offer money. But again, make sure they have something to drink and/or eat after they have helped you then placing a plant on their porch or dropping off a casserole later as well is appreciated.

[LauraC]

Originally Posted by hiknapster

Here's another one that I see over and over on this forum. Where I come from, cars do not break in during a funeral procession. Ever. People in the line put their car lights on and drive slowly to the cemetery. If the traffic backs up it backs up. I keep reading, "That's what I love about the south!" Well, it's always been done that way where I grew up.

That was always true where I lived up north and we had another custom but I'm not sure if it was regional or Italian or an old custom that is no more but the funeral procession from the church to the cemetery, drove by the deceased's house. I know it was done for my aunt and uncle's funeral in NJ as well as some funerals in my part of NY.

[LauraC]

Originally Posted by mbmouse

I think that goes hand in hand with the chosen religion of the deceased.
As for some other "Southern ways" and things I was not used to but learned very quickly: Up north it was common practice that if you were invited to a home for dinner, you brought a bottle of wine and it was either opened or not while you were there, either was fine. In the south, do not bring any kind of alcohol, you bring food, usually a desert type item, or a little gift or sorts for the hostess. Never show up to someones home empty handed for any reason..

Wine was not brought to the host's house where I lived unless you were going to a party. Are you from a large city?

When I moved from Long Island, NY to MD in 1995, the first thing I noticed was outside of Baltimore, there were no bakeries. I said to my friend, a Maryland native, "How can there be no bakeries? What do you do when you visit someone?" She said, "Well, if you feel you have to bring something (?)you could always bring wine or stop off at the supermarket bakery." I said, "The supermarket bakery isn't even a real bakery just like the supermarket deli isn't a real deli." Every town on Long Island had a bakery, usually family owned, no chains. In NY, I would NEVER go to someone's home for a meal (and that even includes a barbecue) without bringing cake or Italian pastries...which is why we had bakeries. Heck, if you just went over for cards and coffee, you brought cake. And then, Sunday morning, you always stopped at the bakery after church, for hard rolls and buns and a loaf of Italian bread (if you were having dinner at home). And who went anywhere (to anyone's home) during the Christmas holiday without stopping first at the bakery for a tray of cookies which was sold by the pound? In some bakeries, you had to order them in advance because they sold so many at Christmas. I was hoping Maryland (it didn't seem to have any traditions) was a fluke and that once I was in Tennessee, I'd see a proliferation of bakeries, again, even if the cake and pastries were different kinds of cake and pastries than what I was used to. But I haven't. So, what do you bring when you are invited to someone's home for a meal?

[piperspal]

Originally Posted by LauraC

So, what do you bring when you are invited to someone's home for a meal?

I think we better start learning how to bake!!!

[jabogitlu]

Sometimes my parents bring wine, but that usually to friends' houses. Like mouse said, if you're going to a mere acquaintence's house, I think it would be better to bring a cake or pie. What need do Southerners have of bakeries for this? We make our own.

(However I would like to have a good bakery or two, for other reasons. )

[hiknapster]

Originally Posted by LauraC

Wine was not brought to the host's house where I lived unless you were going to a party. Are you from a large city?

When I moved from Long Island, NY to MD in 1995, the first thing I noticed was outside of Baltimore, there were no bakeries. I said to my friend, a Maryland native, "How can there be no bakeries? What do you do when you visit someone?" She said, "Well, if you feel you have to bring something (?)you could always bring wine or stop off at the supermarket bakery." I said, "The supermarket bakery isn't even a real bakery just like the supermarket deli isn't a real deli." Every town on Long Island had a bakery, usually family owned, no chains. In NY, I would NEVER go to someone's home for a meal (and that even includes a barbecue) without bringing cake or Italian pastries...which is why we had bakeries. Heck, if you just went over for cards and coffee, you brought cake. And then, Sunday morning, you always stopped at the bakery after church, for hard rolls and buns and a loaf of Italian bread (if you were having dinner at home). And who went anywhere (to anyone's home) during the Christmas holiday without stopping first at the bakery for a tray of cookies which was sold by the pound? In some bakeries, you had to order them in advance because they sold so many at Christmas. I was hoping Maryland (it didn't seem to have any traditions) was a fluke and that once I was in Tennessee, I'd see a proliferation of bakeries, again, even if the cake and pastries were different kinds of cake and pastries than what I was used to. But I haven't. So, what do you bring when you are invited to someone's home for a meal?

In the little towns where I grew up we had those bakeries, too. Lots of Italian, Greek, French, Polish people, where I grew up. These were small towns, 12,000 to 19,000 people. We had the same traditions, too. Stopped every Sunday. But my mother didn't bake, so that may be significant.

I agree that it's nice to have the bakery but better to bake if you can.

In my area there is a Rita's Bakery. It's on Tazewell Pike, but I haven't visited, yet. Rita's Bakery : Restaurants : Metro Pulse

And I think there are a few more around Knoxville.

It looks like there was a place in Oak Ridge called The Cupcakery, but closed last year after being only open for six months. It seems to have been owned by an Italian lady. Laura, too bad you didn't know. You could have ran down there and told her that a bakery does not survive on just cupcakes!

Now it looks like you are stuck with Panera Bread. A fabulous place but not really a bakery. Not the kind we are use to, anyway.

[LauraC]

Originally Posted by piperspal

I think we better start learning how to bake!!!

Uh-oh, I'll never be invited anywhere.

[nancy thereader]

When I moved from Long Island, NY to MD in 1995, the first thing I noticed was outside of Baltimore, there were no bakeries

Laura ~~~You mean, there aren't any bakeries in Knoxville?

[hiknapster]

Originally Posted by nancy thereader

When I moved from Long Island, NY to MD in 1995, the first thing I noticed was outside of Baltimore, there were no bakeries

Laura ~~~You mean, there aren't any bakeries in Knoxville?

If you could kindly read my above post, I point out that there are bakeries in Knoxville, even provide a link to one of them. Also, as stated in my post, there are none in Oak Ridge, which is where she stated that she lives.

[NCN]

This was a wonderful thread and I have so enjoyed it. The two biggies for me are the no four letter words and don't even suggest that you think I might drink an alcoholic beverage. And please don't ever blow the horn of your car unless you are about to hit an animal.

Slight differences from North Carolina where I live, but the paragraph above would probably be correct in most circles in either state.

The one about the Catholic wedding was interesting. My best friend's husband was Catholic and her daughters wedding was held in the local Methodist Church because the groom was Methodist. They planned to have wine for the toast, so they took the reception to the Catholic Church where her husband attended because it was allowed there. However she did not take into account that most of the bridesmaids and guests were members of the Methodist Church. When she passed out the wine glasses, the room emptied. She was so confused as to why they all left early. I was taught and the guests were probably taught that when the alcohol comes out, I was to leave. I was never allowed to be at a social gathering where an alcoholic beverage was served. I now attend things where alcoholic beverages are served, but I have never had an alcoholic drink except at a winery. I just wanted to know what it tasted like and I figured since Jesus turned the water into wine, it might be O. K. just to taste it.