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Old 12-08-2012, 07:33 PM
 
515 posts, read 1,022,486 times
Reputation: 405

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Datafeed View Post
The kid will be 16 not 5. A 16 year old can marry a 15 year old in many parts of this country...maybe even 14 in Alabama.

16 year olds--and perhaps younger--can be emancipated and live on their own in most states.

kids live with their big brothers all the time in this country.
All your examples are of cases that suck. If you have to cite marriages of 14 year old kids to rationalize your actions that should a huge red flare that what you propose is a terrible idea because you know what? 14 year old kids getting married - that is a terrible idea.

Kids who get emancipated do so for two reasons - 0.01% do it because they are super-rich hollywood stars that need legal standing to circumvent child labor laws, everybody else does it because their parents are monsters. Comparing this situation to a parent that is so abusive that the kid has to get them legally removed from their lives does not really shed a favorable light on what you propose.

Kids living with their big brothers instead of parents? They do that because their parents have abandoned them and there is no responsible adult to take them on. So you are a better guy than a parent who abandons their children? That ain't a very high bar to set for yourself.
Quote:
And you are naive if you think it's better for him to live in Dushanbe than Vegas. very.
The problem here is not about Vegas being better than Tajikistan. The problem is you being selfish and the kid paying the price for your selfishness. If you actually cared about the welfare of this child you would figure out how to be there for him 24x7 in Vegas or NYC or wherever.

Kids are an enormous responsibility, accepting that responsibility and then half-assing it - especially when you have the resources to do it right - is self-centered and immoral. Nobody ever thinks of themselves as self-centered and immoral until after the consequences show them otherwise and then it is too late to do anything about it.

 
Old 12-08-2012, 07:33 PM
 
5,239 posts, read 6,531,117 times
Reputation: 11307
Yes, there are plenty of exchange students, but there is still an immigration aspect that has to be followed. There will be forms and questions. You don't want to lie, but on the other hand it doesn't look very good to say, you go to school in NY during the week for school, in Vegas on the weekends, and usually when there you are not sober. It doesn't sound like to me you are in any position to be making that kind of offer at this time. At 16 a kid may think he knows it all, but thats it. He may be a big boy, but that doesn't mean he has the maturity of an adult. Kids that age need guidance, a very part time big brother really isn't enough. Also I would think you'd need something written up from a lawyer and signed by the mother stating you would be his guardian in the states. If his mother hasn't changed her stripes and remains quite the material girl, that alone would make me think twice. If the kid had an accident while over here, perhaps while driving your car and you are off on the east coast, I'm betting she would be suing you faster than you could say vodka.

Sure its nice to want to help the kid, but this won't work for multiple reasons. I'd come up with a counter plan, bank some money for him for college, or some other tennis things he wants to attend. Too many risks for you, even if immigration was satisfied. While on one hand it might be helping him, it could turn out very bad for him too, if he falls into the wrong crowd, takes advantage of his freedom, or something unforeseen happens. Check out the links below.


Clarke County, Nevada, Foreign Exchange Handbook
"Foreign students who wish to enroll in the district that are sponsored by relatives instead of a foreign exchange organization must have an F-1 Visa and pay the appropriate tuition." They can also only stay for 12 months. The second link mentioned costs of between 3 to 10k tuition.
http://www.ccsd.net/resources/scienc...dbook-2012.pdf

http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/ty...e9.htmls_126#3

The following link (pgs 2-3)makes reference to the The Student and Exchange Visitor Information System (SEVIS) and mentioned the F-1 Visa is regulated by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS), with the school the responsible party in the United States, accountable to DHS.

If the school is accountable to DHS, they will be monitoring the student and the guardian.

http://www.nassp.org/Content/158/US_...egs_040912.pdf

Last edited by todd00; 12-08-2012 at 08:03 PM..
 
Old 12-08-2012, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Bangkok, NYC, and LV
2,037 posts, read 2,457,926 times
Reputation: 1128
Quote:
Originally Posted by todd00 View Post
Yes, there are plenty of exchange students, but there is still an immigration aspect that has to be followed. There will be forms and questions. You don't want to lie, but on the other hand it doesn't look very good to say, you go to school in NY during the week for school, in Vegas on the weekends, and usually when there you are not sober. It doesn't sound like to me you are in any position to be making that kind of offer at this time. At 16 a kid may think he knows it all, but thats it. He may be a big boy, but that doesn't mean he has the maturity of an adult. Kids that age need guidance, a very part time big brother really isn't enough. Also I would think you'd need something written up from a lawyer and signed by the mother stating you would be his guardian in the states. If his mother hasn't changed her stripes and remains quite the material girl, that alone would make me think twice. If the kid had an accident while over here, perhaps while driving your car and you are off on the east coast, I'm betting she would be suing you faster than you could say vodka.

Sure its nice to want to help the kid, but this won't work for multiple reasons. I'd come up with a counter plan, bank some money for him for college, or some other tennis things he wants to attend. Too many risks for you, even if immigration was satisfied. While on one hand it might be helping him, it could turn out very bad for him too, if he falls into the wrong crowd, takes advantage of his freedom, or something unforeseen happens. Check out the links below.


Clarke County, Nevada, Foreign Exchange Handbook
"Foreign students who wish to enroll in the district that are sponsored by relatives instead of a foreign exchange organization must have an F-1 Visa and pay the appropriate tuition." They can also only stay for 12 months. The second link mentioned costs of between 3 to 10k tuition.
http://www.ccsd.net/resources/scienc...dbook-2012.pdf

http://travel.state.gov/visa/temp/ty...e9.htmls_126#3

The following link (pgs 2-3)makes reference to the The Student and Exchange Visitor Information System (SEVIS) and mentioned the F-1 Visa is regulated by the U.S. Department of Homeland Security (DHS), with the school the responsible party in the United States, accountable to DHS.

If the school is accountable to DHS, they will be monitoring the student and the guardian.

http://www.nassp.org/Content/158/US_...egs_040912.pdf

Thanks for the links;they were very helpful. I think the way to go will be to have it done through an agency--so he gets insurance--and have him placed with me. It also makes it sound like I have to pay tuition at a public school for him if I do it without the agency. He is a legit top-tier D1 caliber athlete so I wonder if Bishop Amat will give him a full ride.

Thanks again for the links. It looks like I have some work to do so I can pull this off for the next school year.
 
Old 12-08-2012, 10:54 PM
 
Location: Bangkok, NYC, and LV
2,037 posts, read 2,457,926 times
Reputation: 1128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaiminani View Post
All your examples are of cases that suck. If you have to cite marriages of 14 year old kids to rationalize your actions that should a huge red flare that what you propose is a terrible idea because you know what? 14 year old kids getting married - that is a terrible idea.

Kids who get emancipated do so for two reasons - 0.01% do it because they are super-rich hollywood stars that need legal standing to circumvent child labor laws, everybody else does it because their parents are monsters. Comparing this situation to a parent that is so abusive that the kid has to get them legally removed from their lives does not really shed a favorable light on what you propose.

Kids living with their big brothers instead of parents? They do that because their parents have abandoned them and there is no responsible adult to take them on. So you are a better guy than a parent who abandons their children? That ain't a very high bar to set for yourself.
The problem here is not about Vegas being better than Tajikistan. The problem is you being selfish and the kid paying the price for your selfishness. If you actually cared about the welfare of this child you would figure out how to be there for him 24x7 in Vegas or NYC or wherever.

Kids are an enormous responsibility, accepting that responsibility and then half-assing it - especially when you have the resources to do it right - is self-centered and immoral. Nobody ever thinks of themselves as self-centered and immoral until after the consequences show them otherwise and then it is too late to do anything about it.
thanks. you are correct. it will be a big responsibility.
 
Old 12-09-2012, 12:38 AM
 
18,856 posts, read 30,544,912 times
Reputation: 25994
No. No. And no.

A sixteen year old can not live alone.

And if you can't stay sober, you have no business being around children.
 
Old 12-09-2012, 02:02 AM
 
3,574 posts, read 4,026,239 times
Reputation: 3051
Data give it up. You can't leave a 15 year old alone like that. Period.

Last edited by observer53; 12-14-2012 at 07:57 AM..
 
Old 12-09-2012, 09:56 AM
 
654 posts, read 1,099,369 times
Reputation: 1028
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyborgt800 View Post
You seem dead set on having this strapping athletic young boy live with you in your party pad....so the question is: Why are you asking us about this if you don't want any of our answers?
This.

I get the impression OP wants everyone to fall over themselves commenting what a wonderful gesture this is & then say everything will work out perfectly. Instead, there's a lot of real-world advice (some useful, some not as much) being offered with OP giving a "Yeah, but ..." response to every reality check.

It's an awkward situation, there are no easy answers. I do believe the gesture, if sincere, could be a good one for the kid. However, it seems there's a lot more involved than just dipping one's toes in the water & doing this part time. Commit or don't. The kid may have a good head on his shoulders, but he's 15 frigging years old - the last thing he needs is ambivalence & confusion from a part-time father figure/parent/whatever. I was pretty grounded & mature relative to my peers at 15 but this situation would still have been a mess for me. He'd be in a foreign country in a city full of temptation living with a father figure admittedly having trouble remaining sober. Doesn't sound like the greatest recipe for success.

My $.02, which won't get you much in today's world. Maybe a lucky pull on a penny slot.
 
Old 12-09-2012, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Bangkok, NYC, and LV
2,037 posts, read 2,457,926 times
Reputation: 1128
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyborgt800 View Post
There's much more to this......he's either trolling or being trolled....either way be wants this boy and nothing we say will stop him....I'm outta here!
Projecting huh?
 
Old 12-09-2012, 10:17 AM
 
421 posts, read 746,220 times
Reputation: 341
How about hiring a live in "housekeeper" instead of a "nanny"?
 
Old 12-09-2012, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Bangkok, NYC, and LV
2,037 posts, read 2,457,926 times
Reputation: 1128
Quote:
Originally Posted by delgadobb View Post
This.

I get the impression OP wants everyone to fall over themselves commenting what a wonderful gesture this is & then say everything will work out perfectly. Instead, there's a lot of real-world advice (some useful, some not as much) being offered with OP giving a "Yeah, but ..." response to every reality check.

It's an awkward situation, there are no easy answers. I do believe the gesture, if sincere, could be a good one for the kid. However, it seems there's a lot more involved than just dipping one's toes in the water & doing this part time. Commit or don't. The kid may have a good head on his shoulders, but he's 15 frigging years old - the last thing he needs is ambivalence & confusion from a part-time father figure/parent/whatever. I was pretty grounded & mature relative to my peers at 15 but this situation would still have been a mess for me. He'd be in a foreign country in a city full of temptation living with a father figure admittedly having trouble remaining sober. Doesn't sound like the greatest recipe for success.

My $.02, which won't get you much in today's world. Maybe a lucky pull on a penny slot.
Hi,

I'm not that deft. Nor am I seeking affirmation of my benevolence online.

I do realize it's a significant responsibility and me trying to meet my obligation to him and his family by doing the least amount possible is not prudent for me or fair to the young man.

Could things go awry will quick? Possibly. But more so than not, the kid will grow, mature, have some fun and make some mistakes, go to college on tennis scholarship, and become a productive member of the world community.

The young man, by virtue of living where he does, is more mature than most 15 year olds would be in the US.

Yes, there could be issues...but what parent does not have issues with their children?

Thanks.
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