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My first cousin is in a nursing home for MS. Her mother, 92, is living in Franklin Square in her original home. Her mother could possibly outlive her daughter.
But anyway...
Are you now in some way responsible for your parents ill health?
It's well portrayed that we are taken care of, and then we give back.
I took care of my mother, father, and my brothers. Was the keeper, caregiver.
Fortunately my parents are healthy but they are older parents for someone who is my age.
I dont necessary provide care for them yet but I find myself doing a lot more for them now that that cant do they do themselves. My father is an old guy but he thinks he is young and ripped 2 ligaments at the gym one time. At that point was when I realised how much they are changing. I had to help my dad a lil then bit that was 7 years ago so he was in his 60's and my mom was there to help too. I have to always check on him and make sure he isnt doing anything where he could get hurt again.
Status:
"Let this year be over..."
(set 21 days ago)
Location: Where my bills arrive
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I am responsible for my mothers affairs it's the age bracket I am in. We got her relocated out of NY finally and in 6 years she has gone from independent living to assisted living to nursing home, she turned 90 the other week. If me and my sister hadn't gotten her to relocate she probably would have been found dead laying at the bottom of the stairs.
As we age we become the parent, its part of living. Growing up my grandmother lived with us, due to those experiences I swore that my parents would never live in my home, I couldn't do that to my family. But I grew up in a different decade and many of us had a grandparent living in the house, that's just how it was.
The old saying once an adult, twice a child. Are you responsible for them? I guess it can only truly be answered by what YOU feel you are responsible for. For my sister and I it was a privilege to be able to care for our ill parents, For many others however, it is a burden. It is not cut and dry, the family dynamics and cohesiveness or lack thereof, distance from parents and financial solvency all come into play.
My mom is 69, still works but needs help from time to time because 2 years ago she broke her leg and needed an operation so up and down stairs for her can be troubling. When I come over I have to help her bring things up and down from the basement. She is self sufficient for the most part but when the time comes and she isn't I will be there to help. I come from a family of caregivers and It's in my nature to do so. I helped take care of my grandfather when he was ill and my uncle too. It's not a burden to me but an act of love, to others it can be a hardship and can stress you out.
Ours is a different story. My mum is 90 and lives alone, drives, plays bridge and is very social. But she is a selfish person. I have 4 siblings, two of who live close to her and help out ; mainly it is my sister who does most of the work. I live 3400 miles away.
My mil is 87, has dementia, lives alone and doesn't get out much. We pay her bills from here, make sure she has enough money, and visit as often as we can even if it is 3400 miles away. She has home help twice a day. She has a daughter who has nothing to do with her so it all falls on my husband. She could never move here as she would not have any health issues and it would not be good for a dementia patient to take them out of the environment.
Mom & dad are in their 70's and moved to Florida 18 years ago, my sister and her husband, his brother and parents followed close behind. My folks had a house built with handicapped features. My grandmother, who is 90, moved there ahout 10 years ago and has a great condo. My mom has MS and my dad is her primary caregiver. My sister and bil both work FT as they wound up buying into the 'I can get a big house here cheaper than LI' mentality and are keeping up with the Joneses.
Dad needed triple bypass surgery, my grandmother (spry, mentally sharp and then 85) offered to look after my mom when Dad was in the hospital as my sister couldn't be there during the day. Mom is largely immobile, her needs would have been too physically demanding for grandma. Grandma, however, took over cooking....she wasn't going to be detered from helping.
I believe Coney mentioned moving this thread, but in some ways, I feel it ties in with several discussions we've had here in which people write about staying on LI to be close to family, or uprooting and heading to a more economically favorable climate.
A split level home which was then becoming difficult for my mom to negotiate as MS took over, coupled with high LI taxes & utilities on a modest pension, gave my parents little choice but look elsewhere. I would be lying if I said I didn't cry when they moved, and that I miss them terribly. My sister & bil sold a cute house in a desirable south shore village before my parents made their move; they lived with mom and dad and wound up in an apartment after the house sold.. Bil's folks moved and with no parents here and an opportunity for Bil to transfer down south with a promotion, my sister and Bil left. Can't say I blame them, but as I indicated earlier, they managed to LI themselves down there.
Business keeps us here. My youngest has 3 years until she graduates HS. I visit my parents when possible to help and give dad a break, but distance prevents me from being a long term caregiver.
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