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I have mixed feelings on this. Does he pay other bills (phone, student loans, car, LIRR, his own groceries)? From the day I started working , I gave 300 a month plus paid all of the bills listed plus electric. It was hard for me to save money while trying to pay off student loans. If he pays those type of bills, I wouldn't charge him anything unless you need it.
OP, the way I see it, people who live in uber-expensive places like LI (San Francisco, etc.) are basically condemning their children to a life of debt and tax slavery. They can't just up and move away if they love their parents and other relatives- so yeah, I think in a way that parents in such places sort of owe it to their kids to give them an extended time in which to save and get started- to lessen the blow.
I wish that I had had such an opportunity when I was younger- but I was basically responsible for half of the household income from the time I was a teenager- often contributing almost all of my earnings to the point where i was essentially only able to keep $80 a MONTH of what I earned(!).
Since you're in a position to make it easy for your kid, and since he is doing the right thing, I say keep on doing what you're doing.
And really, what's wrong with families staying together? I'd just draw the line when he gets married- if you get married, you should establish your own household.
OK - I thought I'd sit back and wait for the opinions - thank you all for your comments.
Incidentally, it was nice to see that there were no "troll" comments, bashing me for even asking for a contribution.
Here are some additional facts:
Son does pay for car insurance, and cell phone (when in school, Mom and Dad would pay) and contributes $25 per month for cable bill as I wanted to cancel all the premium services. His car insurance is on my policy which saves him at least $100 per month (probably more). Cell phone likewise - with less savings. No issues here - this provided for informational purpose only.
No college loans to pay for as Mom and Dad paid for that (including books, dorm and some spending money).
In terms of helping out with chores and such - the assistance is virtually non existent - partly due to his job(s). He is extremely industrious and while having a career with full benefits and a pension, has several other revenue streams. Basically, he eats, sleeps and showers here.
All in all, we are extremely proud of him (as well as our other two sons). One son just moved out and the other is here - working part time and pursuing a graduate degree. The family's policy of the child paying for car insurance and cell phone applies to them as well.
My request to him has been - not for rent, but to contribute to the consumables - food, electric, etc. The request was for $200.00 - and I am getting extreme push back from him on it.
OK - I thought I'd sit back and wait for the opinions - thank you all for your comments.
Incidentally, it was nice to see that there were no "troll" comments, bashing me for even asking for a contribution.
Here are some additional facts:
Son does pay for car insurance, and cell phone (when in school, Mom and Dad would pay) and contributes $25 per month for cable bill as I wanted to cancel all the premium services. His car insurance is on my policy which saves him at least $100 per month (probably more). Cell phone likewise - with less savings. No issues here - this provided for informational purpose only.
No college loans to pay for as Mom and Dad paid for that (including books, dorm and some spending money).
In terms of helping out with chores and such - the assistance is virtually non existent - partly due to his job(s). He is extremely industrious and while having a career with full benefits and a pension, has several other revenue streams. Basically, he eats, sleeps and showers here.
All in all, we are extremely proud of him (as well as our other two sons). One son just moved out and the other is here - working part time and pursuing a graduate degree. The family's policy of the child paying for car insurance and cell phone applies to them as well.
My request to him has been - not for rent, but to contribute to the consumables - food, electric, etc. The request was for $200.00 - and I am getting extreme push back from him on it.
Further comments?
One thing I would do is double check on the insurance. I lived at home until 27 (I'm 33 now), after I turned 25 insurance was actually cheaper on my own then on my parents policy (prior to turning 25 it would have been considerably more expensive on my own policy)
Is there a reason why he is giving you pushback on the $200? Is it a matter of simply not wanting to? Concern about impact on down payment?
My parents didn't charge me rent, and honestly it is a good thing they didn't otherwise I would probably be no longer in NY and if I moved out earlier absolutely not. Took some time to land a solid job after I graduated college, but after a while I did. I wasn't making a ton of $$, but working for a bank in Manhattan was doing decently for someone in their mid 20's and was able to save quite a bit of $$ with my only real expenses at the time LIRR, Metrocard, car insurance and cell phone.
Anyway after my dad retired in 2008, my parents decided to move to the Charlotte area for retirement (which is something they decided on a couple years earlier that they would do, along with other family once he retired). As my parents had their home on the market, the bank I was working for announced several thousand layoffs survived the first few round a layoffs, but not all of them.
So basically just as I was about to move out on my own, I was laid off. Thankfully, because I was living at home and not paying rent prior, I was able to save up considerably more than I otherwise would have. I did take the chance on staying and getting an apartment while I was out of work (and wound up being out a bit longer than I planned on), however that would not have been a remote option if I didn't build up the savings I did prior.
He had to contribute several hundred dollars a month(the amount changed based on how much he was earning or if he was in school). We took the majority of the money and put it in an account for him that he does not know exists.
Definitely a good idea all around.
And your money is their money eventually anyway.
Quote:
Originally Posted by peabodyn
My request to him has been - not for rent, but to contribute to the consumables - food, electric, etc. The request was for $200.00 - and I am getting extreme push back from him on it.
In your situation I'd gauge his reasoning for pushing back. Maybe he's gotten too used to getting everything paid for (ie. all of college) and simply doesn't want to fork out anything unnecessarily. Or maybe he's close to his goal and wants to keep saving. You could also set a timetable for him to move on based on his savings and see what he says. Anything paid to you will theoretically lengthen his stay - if you're not hurting for money, do what you feel helps everyone more. Make sure he's got it on his mind that he should not be taking you guys / his situation for granted either. Sometimes that's payment enough - refer to above.
My request to him has been - not for rent, but to contribute to the consumables - food, electric, etc. The request was for $200.00 - and I am getting extreme push back from him on it.
Further comments?
If it were me, I'd insist on him paying for the consumables. I mean, there's no reason why he can't live in your home without having to pay rent.....but it shouldn't cost YOU anything. I would think that he'd WANT to make sure that it doesn't cost you anything, because he is a man and not a little boy anymore.
I don't get it. His reluctance to at least pay his own way seems to be contrary to his otherwise responsible behavior.
To hell with his pushback- Tell him that you're happy to keep letting him live there, but that he must pay his share, because as an adult, he is not your responsibility to take care of, and you've done/are doing enough for him already. Tell him that's the way it's going be if wants to stay there. Your house....your rules.
Heck, I knew a guy who paid his own way through college and graduate school by driving a cab at night (often working 12 hour shifts), and he had a wife and several kids to support at the time. He didn't get much sleep those years...but he did it, and is worth many millions of dollars today. Your son has had it very easy, having college and living expenses paid for, and now this great opportunity to live there and save, all while still single. Maybe he doesn't appreciate what he has, enough- which is understandable, growing up in that area among a lot of other kids who have gotten everything for free- from new cars to college educations. Maybe he's never seen how the other half lives, and just thinks that his very favorable circumstances which you have provided for him are just normal and to be expected. Time for a wake-up call!
Reminds me of an article I read once, where they were saying how the children of affluent parents were kind of being sabotaged by their good fortune- i.e. not having to hustle, and having everything provided for them and made easy, and how as a result, these kids despite having such advantages, often did not fare anywhere near as well as their parents; whereas the parents had often come from poor families or grew up during the Great Depression, etc. and basically had no choice but to practice the laws of success if they were ever to succeed.
Last edited by Mumbly Joe; 01-15-2016 at 10:05 AM..
With the cost of living on LI most older kids are forced to stay with parents theses days. Hopefully on that same token they pay rent & help with household chores & other expenses that the parents might have to pay someone outside family for those services. Saves the home & keeps home in family. Really works both ways. And if there is space & EVERYONE gets along.
Hard part getting along. And we all know what money does to people. Better than having older people rent to strangers!
He really should not have a say in the matter. Do not ask just simply say to him he is to give you $200 the first of every month. Should he not - as his mother you have the most effective weapon every child (even at 27) hates. The silent treatment. Don't argue. Silence. He will fold in a week.
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