Los Angeles worst city for dating, WHY? (San Francisco: fit in, college)
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I always thought I was a terrible dater. Guys never really seemed to be into me. No one really flirted with me. I went on a few terrible dates and ended up getting married too young to a very undemonstrative guy. Turns out, it wasn't me... it was because I was trying to date in Boston. Truly the worst city for dating.
Then I moved to LA and a few years after that I got a divorce. One of the reasons I was with my ex for so long was because I was TERRIFIED to date in LA. I'd heard the horror stories about trying to date in LA in your 30s.
I ended up having a blast! Guys here were so much nicer than back in Boston. They paid me COMPLIMENTS! Heck, they paid for dinner (Lots of guys in Boston would say "Sure!" when I offered to pay half. On a first date. Not a deal breaker for me, but I have to say, it was nice to be wined & dined). They asked me out on REAL dates (instead of "A bunch of us are going to see a band on Friday... wanna come?"). They flirted with me! They called me right away after giving them my phone number. Cute guys!! I was seriously blown away.
I met the love of my life here (my husband) who, on our first date, showed up with flowers. FLOWERS! And he'd made a reservation at a restaurant that he'd picked out. I was very impressed, hee hee. He was (is) brilliant, funny, handsome, romantic (even after 7 years together), and apparently thinks I'm amazing! (always a nice quality in a man)
I see my much younger sister, in Boston, going through the same thing I did. She's beautiful, smart, & funny... and she keeps dating these loser guys because she's shy and they're the only ones who are asking her out. WHY?! So so so hard to meet people there. Much much easier in LA.
In Boston it might have to do with the fact that the neighborhoods and family patterns are still very ethnically defined. Plus Boston has the East Coast/Chicago young professional scene, which to be honest, tries to imitate LA. In LA, are at the center of young professionaldom, so there's nothing to mimick.
Back to my first point, there is no family pressure and much less pre existing stereotypes about dating and the gender roles in LA aren't as clearly defined.
In Boston it might have to do with the fact that the neighborhoods and family patterns are still very ethnically defined. Plus Boston has the East Coast/Chicago young professional scene, which to be honest, tries to imitate LA. In LA, are at the center of young professionaldom, so there's nothing to mimick.
Back to my first point, there is no family pressure and much less pre existing stereotypes about dating and the gender roles in LA aren't as clearly defined.
Funny... my husband is from Chicago.
I found the guys in LA to be much more confident. In Boston, they would sort of but sort of not ask you out. Like the "A bunch of us are hanging this weekend..." comment. You were never really sure if you'd actually been asked out.
Here, the first time a guy said "I'd love to take you to dinner. May I call you?" my jaw hit the floor. I'd thought that only happened in the movies!
For me, the gender roles in BOSTON weren't well-defined. I like to think of myself as strong and independent, but I also like to feel like I'm the woman and the guy is the guy. I grew up not believing in gender roles, but now I kind of appreciate them more.
I'm not sure what you mean about neighborhoods and family patterns being very ethnically defined. Or family pressure. I wasn't very ethnically defined (being half Irish & half Armenian), and I didn't have much family pressure.
Us Chicago guys don't BS around haha. My friends already in LA tell me, "The New Yorkers walk like they own the street and the Chicago guys TALK like they own the street."
I always thought I was a terrible dater. Guys never really seemed to be into me. No one really flirted with me. I went on a few terrible dates and ended up getting married too young to a very undemonstrative guy. Turns out, it wasn't me... it was because I was trying to date in Boston. Truly the worst city for dating.
Then I moved to LA and a few years after that I got a divorce. One of the reasons I was with my ex for so long was because I was TERRIFIED to date in LA. I'd heard the horror stories about trying to date in LA in your 30s.
I ended up having a blast! Guys here were so much nicer than back in Boston. They paid me COMPLIMENTS! Heck, they paid for dinner (Lots of guys in Boston would say "Sure!" when I offered to pay half. On a first date. Not a deal breaker for me, but I have to say, it was nice to be wined & dined). They asked me out on REAL dates (instead of "A bunch of us are going to see a band on Friday... wanna come?"). They flirted with me! They called me right away after giving them my phone number. Cute guys!! I was seriously blown away.
I met the love of my life here (my husband) who, on our first date, showed up with flowers. FLOWERS! And he'd made a reservation at a restaurant that he'd picked out. I was very impressed, hee hee. He was (is) brilliant, funny, handsome, romantic (even after 7 years together), and apparently thinks I'm amazing! (always a nice quality in a man)
I see my much younger sister, in Boston, going through the same thing I did. She's beautiful, smart, & funny... and she keeps dating these loser guys because she's shy and they're the only ones who are asking her out. WHY?! So so so hard to meet people there. Much much easier in LA.
I can relate to much of this! I'm from Boston, and I moved away at 18, so my view of dating is skewed by the fact that I was the tough-guy rebel who had a car back at my high school, meaning that I dated a-plenty. I think that every Asian parent of a girl born from 1980 to 1985 who lived in Cambridge had a picture of me with a "shoot to kill" instruction under it, and I took Italian in high school for the sole reason that there were a lot of hot Italian girls.
That said, my sister only moved here to SF from Mass about three weeks ago. She's 23 and has never had a boyfriend. Most of my friends back in Boston who are also in their late 20's have now married - and they married other friends who they only ever had minimal romantic inclinations towards for the primary reason that "it was time to get married and start a family" and a friend is a safe bet.
My high school gf from Boston had followed me out to LA and we got engaged shortly thereafter, and then that fizzled after three years. I was somewhat worried initially, and out of curiosity I put a bumbling ad on Craigslist with a picture of myself that a friend took at Mao's Kitchen. I got six dates out of that one ad, one of whom I had a relationship with for six months and am still dear to. I went to an gallery open with a few friends, saw a girl I thought was cute, started chatting her up about art, got her number, still talk to her, too. I got numbers off girls at the store, at bars and clubs and restaurants, parties or dinners at friends' places, at the beach, etc. and I'd say that all but a couple actually responded and went on dates with me.
Again, I found dating in LA to take about the same effort as reaching into a barrell of apples and pulling an apple out. I'm good looking enough, but not a model... stable, but not rich... but I've got a great sense of humor and I'm confident, and that seemed to be all I needed.
Meeting people in Los Angeles is pretty easy in general. It seems like most people move there because they want to go out and do things, and are always on the lookout for people to do stuff with. Social circles mingle with surprising frequency relative to a place like Boston or Seattle.
To reiterate, though, I found it difficult to make lasting romantic connections, though a lot of that could have been the fact I was in my early 20's, and few people are looking to settle down at that age.
I found the guys in LA to be much more confident. In Boston, they would sort of but sort of not ask you out. Like the "A bunch of us are hanging this weekend..." comment. You were never really sure if you'd actually been asked out.
Here, the first time a guy said "I'd love to take you to dinner. May I call you?" my jaw hit the floor. I'd thought that only happened in the movies!
For me, the gender roles in BOSTON weren't well-defined. I like to think of myself as strong and independent, but I also like to feel like I'm the woman and the guy is the guy. I grew up not believing in gender roles, but now I kind of appreciate them more.
I'm not sure what you mean about neighborhoods and family patterns being very ethnically defined. Or family pressure. I wasn't very ethnically defined (being half Irish & half Armenian), and I didn't have much family pressure.
Part of it, for me growing up in (The Peoples' Republic Of) Cambridge, was the higher-than-average integration of radical feminism as opposed to modern feminism. The attitudes that a lot of educators presented towards women made it seem like every guy was a potential (inevitable?) abusive rapist and that we were also inherently dumber and of less virtue. I'm not lying when I tell you that basically any girl who wasn't a hardcore Portugese, Italian, or Irish Catholic at my high school decided she was lesbian out of fear of males for six months to three years.
Sex ed at my school was largely separated and conducted by a woman from a nonprofit who placed more emphasis on how easy it was to scar a girl for life by saying to her, "those are wicked nice jeans" because it meant that we were obviously looking at her erogenous zones which made her feel objectified and like less of a human because we wouldn't say such things to one of our male chums as we were (generally) not looking at his pants to see the goods. Asking a girl if she wanted to go see the free concert that BCN was throwing at the Esplanade with you meant that you were potentially making her uncomfortable and this in turn meant that you had potentially stoked fears that resulted of past trauma that you wished to isolate her from her friends and take her outside her comfort zone.
I figured out pretty quickly that most of this was hyperbole and that - gasp! - girls often seemed to say "yes" when I asked them if they wanted to go walk along the Charles with me and seemed totally fine if I suggested that we went over to their house while their parents weren't home. But it is something that seems a lot more ingrained in guys in Boston than LA - that the best way to make a girl feel comfortable and special is to treat her like "one of the guys."
i have found it sort of tough, but i also have pretty high standards, and i dated people back east that i probably wouldn't have here. i really think that it has alot to do with the fact that there are loads more choices. back in the southeast you might connect with someone over a shared esoteric interest much more vigorously than you do here. i love old soul music, and when i found someone out home who loved it too it was plenty enough basis for a real friendship. out here there are so many types that everything is diluted. and people are hustling, busy, doing so much out here that it is hard to be able to spend alot of time with one person.
and maybe it is just my taste, but as a chick, i don't find most younger people's style attractive, the eighties clothes, the ironic moustaches, the self-consciously arty farty types. there are so many of them here.
I don't buy this BS of LA being a bad date city. I've noticed alot of people didn't have wedding bands. There are alot of attractive people there, and I ran into some nice looking girls just walking through the city. I was there for 2 days and got more smiles from strangers than I did in a year in Chicago. Very down to earth IMO. I tried saying hi to one girl but her face turned red and starting smiling looking at the ground. I let her go since I was running late for a man-date (don't ask). Maybe some guys just don't have the guts to talk to some of these girls.
On the flip side, I could see how it wouldn't be too good for females (lots of gay guys live there.. not that there's anything wrong with that)
I have the possibility of moving to LA (along with 3 other possible cities) this summer and I am really looking forward to it.
BTW: From the Boston comments, its sounds alot like chicago.
Well it sounds like L.A. is a better city compared to what I have experienced. For a sociological experiment I posted an ad on a free online dating website that began with a P, 95% of those women did not respond to me.I did the same experiment in Boston and nearly always got a
response.
I noticed in person when I have visted L.A. that people tend to be more friendly but you would never know it from what I experienced on that website! People seem to into themselves on there and want a fairytale romance knight in shining armour it seems.
As far as Boston and Chicago, it seems people are more "standoffish" and rarely make eye contact with those they don't know, most of the guys seem either too shy or too confident. As someone pointed out it seems to be based on your social circle. There are more women than men in Boston though.
and maybe it is just my taste, but as a chick, i don't find most younger people's style attractive, the eighties clothes, the ironic moustaches, the self-consciously arty farty types. there are so many of them here.
Ugh, hipsters! You think LA is bad, come to San Francisco
I am so god damn sick of the moustache thing. When I become dictator, the first people cast to the Rhino Room will be those who got a moustache tattooed on their index finger as seen below:
Drop the needle and hit the treadmill, kids: it's going to be a crummy night for you.
I'm too young to remember watching Reagan give a speech about commies, so I'm too young to look like I just stepped out of a Frankie Goes To Hollywood show.
LA's terrible for dating yes, like someone said above cause most people are committment-phobic... it is true that it's hard to impossible to give up great nightlife options. And if you have a stable partner going to clubs together will end in breakup cause there're a lot of hot options in the clubs (at raves, etc). If you go to dance alone, your partner'd be jealous... There's just too many things to do in LA, plus long commute--if someone spends most of the time on work and commute, they don't want to give up any of the party time. Plus yes, distances make it imposible... driving hell knows where to see someone gets old quick.
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