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Old 11-25-2012, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,179 posts, read 14,766,644 times
Reputation: 7918

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To the OP, I'm sorry your parents have been so difficult. I'm appalled that they have to shun you if you decide to leave the church. If your mental health is in such a precarious state, you should work on moving out as soon as possible. Yes, you will need to find roommates, and the situation may not be comfortable, especially during the first few weeks as you adjust to your new life.

To Lilly, I also have two adult children who are loving, moral people, and they certainly weren't raised in a religious home. Any parent who would shun their child just because the church tells them to... Well, they aren't really parents. They're church puppets. Also, there are several churches that embrace gay people, and they're monotheistic, so I'm not sure where you're getting your information, but that's neither here nor there in this situation.

As far as the OP being respectful to the parents, I'm concerned that this "respect" is at the expense of this young person's self-esteem. Where is their respect for him? Where is their all-encompassing love for their child that should have them saying, "Your sexual orientation doesn't matter. We'll always be here for you."? No, instead the OP is being forced to live a lie to conform to the warped values of his parents' religion. No wonder this is so stressful!
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Old 11-26-2012, 02:42 PM
 
Location: West Hollywood, CA
1,238 posts, read 1,281,181 times
Reputation: 959
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly1224 View Post
I'm very thankful that I grew up in a home that was religious. I learned early on how to decipher right from wrong, which saved me a lot of grief and anguish when I went away to college, and was exposed to so many people who clearly didn't learn the same value systems. As a result of my upbringing and moral compass, I've never felt inclined to experiment w/ drugs (or people who use drugs) and I've never been one to engage in the party lifestyle.

Your parents are trying to ensure that you have a strong moral foundation, because in this world, you will need a strong level of spirituality to survive. Thank your parents, and realize that as long as you are under their roof, you should be respectful and follow their example, especially when they are trying to guide you on the straight and narrow path.
I have to give it to this poster for carefully crafting the most not judgey, but judgey post ever.

Man this OP can't even find a safe place on the internet to vent and discuss his problems without some holier than thou douchebag injecting their douchebag opinions. You don't think the OP already hears this from his family on a daily basis? You don't judge, but you condemn homosexuality. Seriously, parse that one over in your head and tell me how it makes sense. You compare homosexuality with right and wrong analogies like partying and doing drugs. WTF! All you're doing is hijacking this thread and judging.

I grew up in a non-religious home and you know what I learned? When people are going through a hard time, they are going through a hard time. It doesn't matter if they're gay, straight, black, or white. Try to show some sympathy or keep your mouth shut.
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Old 11-26-2012, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 8,232,758 times
Reputation: 8868
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilly1224 View Post
I'm very thankful that I grew up in a home that was religious. I learned early on how to decipher right from wrong, which saved me a lot of grief and anguish when I went away to college, and was exposed to so many people who clearly didn't learn the same value systems. As a result of my upbringing and moral compass, I've never felt inclined to experiment w/ drugs (or people who use drugs) and I've never been one to engage in the party lifestyle.

Your parents are trying to ensure that you have a strong moral foundation, because in this world, you will need a strong level of spirituality to survive. Thank your parents, and realize that as long as you are under their roof, you should be respectful and follow their example, especially when they are trying to guide you on the straight and narrow path.
Religion does not = spirituality

You can develop a strong moral compass without religion being forced upon you.

A strong moral compass has nothing to do with Religion...do little boys and Catholic Priests ring a bell?

It is impossible to respect parents who shun who you really are and don't accept you for who you are. Just like SandyCo said you would have to lose all self-respect and self-identity do to so. It makes no sense to respect people who do not respect you. It's like trying to mix oil with water.

OP I would pick the plan that gets you out of your parents’ house the quickest and ensures that you can continue on your path and that allows you to achieve your goals.

As soon as you can remove yourself from their constant harsh judgment’s of you the better off you will feel mentally. Anyone would suffer from depression and anxiety if they were in constant battle just trying to be who they really are. Parents can really do a horrible mind job on their own kids without realizing the harm they are creating.

Be true to yourself above all else and go for your goals!

Good Luck
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Old 11-26-2012, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Full time RV"er
2,403 posts, read 5,526,544 times
Reputation: 1457
Quote:
Originally Posted by V.V View Post
Im moving out of my Jehovah Witness parents house, Which life plan should I pick?
Im 21 and gay and I came out to my parents in high school, they didnt take it well even though they said theyve always knew but Im not surprise being African American and living under a VERY strict religious family.

My parents are jehovahs witness and sadly I was raised and baptized as one and I couldnt do anything like how a regular American youth grew up.

To live in my parents house I have to go to church if not get kicked out thats my dads rule! Even though I REALLY want to move out right now I dont have the money to survive on. Ive only have $6,000 in my savings account. The only reason Im staying here is to save money for me to move out. But by being here its to the point Im taking medication for depression also for anxiety to deal with this mess I had to go through all my life.

Im not trying to have a relationship with my parents sadly because since I dont want to be a JW my parents and family have to shun me. Thats the jehovah witness policy, so there is no point in establishing a relationship with them when they are not going to be talking to me anymore.

So I have to basically learn social skills to develop good friendships and call them my family. But its not easy developing friendships when you have anxiety.

Anyways which plan is better, after contemplating I want to work in Casting in the entertainment field TV/Movies/Indie Movies/Commercials

Which plan is better, Im working and going to school and saving ever dime!
I work at a small grocery store as a part time cashier and I get paid $9.50 an hour. I work 3 days a week 2 days from 9:45 AM to 7:15PM but now its changed to 6:00pm now, and for one day 11:45AM to 6:15pm
Currently Im taking learning support classes at a technical college that I dont like but plan on transferring to another community college which is much closer to my house and get a Associates in Theater. Im taking 3 classes now but have to pay for the same classes to finish up the courses for next semester. Then after those courses I plan on transferring to another community college for fall of 2013 and be a full time student while working either 1-2 days a week.

FIRST PLAN #1
From
2013 Jan -May
Continue taking the 3 classes @ Chatt Tech
Continue to work at my job 3 days a week
Transfer to Perimeter College for the Fall

SUMMER
Plan on being full time at my job (Sun - Thurs or Mon - Fri)

FALL/Winter 2013 Aug - Dec
Full Time Student @ Perimeter College
Work at my job for 1 -2 days a week

2014 Winter/Spring Jan - May
Full time student @ Perimeter
Work for 1-2 days a week
Look for a internship here in ATL for the summer

Summer
With an internship I intern part time and work part time

Without an internship I work part time and go to school part time

Fall
Go to school full time and continue to go to school until I graduate and work 1-2 days a week
Move out to LA Summer 2015



OR PLAN TWO #2
2013 Winter/Spring Jan - May
Continue taking the 3 classes @ Chat Tech
Then transfer to Perimeter College for Fall after my 3 classes are over
Continue to work at my job 3 days a week

SUMMER May -Aug
Working full time at my job

FALL/Winter Aug - Dec
Full time student at Perimeter College
Working at my job 1-2 days a week

2014 Winter/Spring Jan - May

Full Time Student at Perimeter
Working 3-4 days a week at my job
Looking for a internship locally or in LA
Start looking for a roommate for LA
Start applying for a job online for LA

SUMMER
If I do get an internship here in ATL
I will work part time at my job and the rest of the days would be for my internship if I get it. Work at my internship until its finished

No Internship
Then I will work at my job full time

Transfer/Apply to a community college in LA for the Fall

Move to LA at the end of Summer of 2014

Going to school in Los Angeles taking more business classes and acting classes. Keep looking for a job! Looking for internships when classes are over for the summer.





I know most people would say plan 1, but having a devout JW family and having restrictive freedom still at my age is horrible.
Either way Im going to have a problem and a risk. With plan 2 would be financial problems, with plan one my sanity is literally on the line. Im already taking antidepressants and writing in my journal and seeing a psychiatrist to balance everything out while im living here saving money. I know alot of people are going through much worse than I am and Im trying to think that but my life sucks! : (
I need to ask if you are mechanicaly incline? can you do a little physical labor? if you were taught to do some hting thast would make you self employed is a business you could work at your own pace when not working other job or going to school . get back to me for more info. you can make it on your own , you just need to be headed in the right direction.
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Old 11-26-2012, 03:05 PM
 
3,680 posts, read 6,969,986 times
Reputation: 3939
Right away, look for a job at a place that does transfers, so that when you're ready, you can transfer to Los Angeles.

There are a couple different issues:
-moving out of your parents' house
-moving to Los Angeles
Do they have to be done at the same time?
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:53 PM
 
1,723 posts, read 5,849,404 times
Reputation: 1533
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpeeps View Post
I have to give it to this poster for carefully crafting the most not judgey, but judgey post ever.

Man this OP can't even find a safe place on the internet to vent and discuss his problems without some holier than thou douchebag injecting their douchebag opinions. You don't think the OP already hears this from his family on a daily basis? You don't judge, but you condemn homosexuality. Seriously, parse that one over in your head and tell me how it makes sense. You compare homosexuality with right and wrong analogies like partying and doing drugs. WTF! All you're doing is hijacking this thread and judging.

I grew up in a non-religious home and you know what I learned? When people are going through a hard time, they are going through a hard time. It doesn't matter if they're gay, straight, black, or white. Try to show some sympathy or keep your mouth shut.
Wow. That helps. No advise for the OP. Just name calling for someone with whom you disagree. While I disagree with the respect and understand your parent's perspective in this instance, I don't see what chapped your butt. What value did you bring to the OP? Perhaps you might offer some sympathetic advise to the OP instead of wetting your panties over someone who has differing views? Judgey (sp). douchebag (sp)? keep your mouth shut? Well done, bpeeps. That gives the OP the sage advise, I'm sure. No more need for the thread to remain open, because you solved the problem.

V.V., you have to follow your heart on this one and make the decisions that are right for you. Being respectful, is different than having respect. You're parents are wrong if their religion trumps their child. You need to find some kind of support group. JW's are on the skirt of conventional religions and I'm sure that there must be support organizations that can help. The most important thing that you need to do is to remain YOU. Don't let your parents define who you are sexually or spiritually.
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Old 11-27-2012, 11:12 AM
 
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 8,232,758 times
Reputation: 8868
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTGJR View Post
Don't let your parents define who you are sexually or spiritually.
Not only do this but don’t allow anyone on this planet to define who you are sexually or spiritually.

You can find your own spiritual path and there are many spiritual teachers out there. Follow what resonates with your soul and forget the conditioning your parents laid on you. Shake off the conditioning and start creating your own reality and identity in this life.

Sadly all of us are conditioned to believe in certain religions and other non-truths by whoever is raising us. Be wise to this and find your own truths. Follow you own spiritual journey since your journey is your business and no one else’s.

The sooner you can get away from them and branch out on your own and create the life that you want to live the better off you will be mentally and things will start to flow for you. But keep in mind there will always be obstacles and people who will do nothing but delay your progress. Be wise to both. Go around the obstacles and get the people who do nothing but hinder your progress out of your life.

Life's too short not to follow your heart but it is also long enough to make serious mistakes that you will regret for the rest of your life. Be wise to this and GOOD LUCK!
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:20 PM
 
Location: California / Maryland / Cape May
1,548 posts, read 2,372,153 times
Reputation: 1228
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo View Post
To the OP, I'm sorry your parents have been so difficult. I'm appalled that they have to shun you if you decide to leave the church. If your mental health is in such a precarious state, you should work on moving out as soon as possible. Yes, you will need to find roommates, and the situation may not be comfortable, especially during the first few weeks as you adjust to your new life.

To Lilly, I also have two adult children who are loving, moral people, and they certainly weren't raised in a religious home. Any parent who would shun their child just because the church tells them to... Well, they aren't really parents. They're church puppets. Also, there are several churches that embrace gay people, and they're monotheistic, so I'm not sure where you're getting your information, but that's neither here nor there in this situation.

As far as the OP being respectful to the parents, I'm concerned that this "respect" is at the expense of this young person's self-esteem. Where is their respect for him? Where is their all-encompassing love for their child that should have them saying, "Your sexual orientation doesn't matter. We'll always be here for you."? No, instead the OP is being forced to live a lie to conform to the warped values of his parents' religion. No wonder this is so stressful!
I was about to say the same. Well said.

Also, Lilly didn't even answer the OP's question. This isn't a thread to debate whether or not the parents are correct in their decision. This is a thread about what the OP should do: the OP's Option A or Option B. Unless you have input on the question, perhaps topics of religion and other debates should stay on the religion and debates boards.
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Old 11-27-2012, 12:32 PM
 
Location: West Hollywood, CA
1,238 posts, read 1,281,181 times
Reputation: 959
Quote:
Originally Posted by JTGJR View Post
Wow. That helps. No advise for the OP. Just name calling for someone with whom you disagree. While I disagree with the respect and understand your parent's perspective in this instance, I don't see what chapped your butt. What value did you bring to the OP? Perhaps you might offer some sympathetic advise to the OP instead of wetting your panties over someone who has differing views? Judgey (sp). douchebag (sp)? keep your mouth shut? Well done, bpeeps. That gives the OP the sage advise, I'm sure. No more need for the thread to remain open, because you solved the problem.

V.V., you have to follow your heart on this one and make the decisions that are right for you. Being respectful, is different than having respect. You're parents are wrong if their religion trumps their child. You need to find some kind of support group. JW's are on the skirt of conventional religions and I'm sure that there must be support organizations that can help. The most important thing that you need to do is to remain YOU. Don't let your parents define who you are sexually or spiritually.
I've already given the OP my advice privately and offered much more than a sympathetic comment. Hotline numbers to contact, organizations he can join in the Los Angeles area (not too sure of local ones in his state), and the information for multiple casting agencies he can contact to understand what he needs to qualify for a job as a casting assistant. Your point, moot.

Are you really going to chalk this up to differing views? My butt is chapped and my panties are soaking because this is personal. Just as I'm sure there are issues that are personal to you. Teens commit suicide over the type of comments and thoughts Lily expressed because someone else has a different viewpoint. The OP has to go through this on a daily basis via his parents and there is zero reason for Lily to compound that. Though, rest assured your hypocrisy in the first part of your comment will be undone by the "sage advice" in the latter. I'm sure you think that's how these things work.

Last edited by bpeeps; 11-27-2012 at 01:38 PM..
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