Divorce Help? (Los Angeles: price, move, special needs)

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Rakin

You can't kidnap your own kids who live with you unless it violates some type of court order.

It is okay, I am NOT taking my children away.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Oh, also...my son is DXd with Classic/"Kanner" autism, if that makes a difference, and has an IQ of 68. He is going on 11, his academics run between K-6 (kindergarten, month 6) and 1-2 (first grade, month 2). His speech according to his doctors and developmental psych is approximately age 3-4. I don't know exactly how all this is tabulated but those are those particular facts if it helps.

I appreciate the concrete info a lot.

I'm a special ed teacher with autism credentials, and a former public benefits paralegal, but I haven't worked specifically on the disbursement of SSI benefits in terms of autism. I do know that some of my students qualified, some did not, incidentally, through conversations with parent teams and family advocates at IEP meetings. Legal Aid can also provide some SSI eligibility information, even if your income at present is to high to qualify for actual Legal Aid representation. All of this documentation will be helpful, though, in determining disability with the Social Security Administration.

[TabulaRasa]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Absolutely not and I know a number of divided families with autistic children. The children live with the custodial parent.

I would venture to say that probably over half of my students with autism had families affected by divorce. Handling the needs of disabled children stresses even really strong, solid marriages sometimes to the breaking point. When a marriage is already troubled? Forget it.

Obviously, when you have a child with severe sensory issues, while change is difficult, continuing to be in an unstable situation is far worse. But you are aware of this.

[Meyerland]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Supermanpansy, it IS very personal but he has been emotionally abusing me for years, has neglected my son's special needs unilaterally and basically hates the boy for being mentally handicapped and will use a "duh" screaming voice at him to mock/imitate him and so on.

He hurts me every chance he gets, he calls me fat (this man weighs 250 pounds and is 5'9", folks!!!), and tells me if I ever try to leave he will "take the kids away forever" and will "utterly destroy (me)."

I have taken to hiding in the bedroom any time he's home so now he says I never pay attention to the kids. SMH! Duh, EVERYTHING IS DONE by the time he moseys around! Every. Single. Last. Thing. Allllllllll the therapies, the many doctors, all the school scheduled stuff, all the house stuff and working from home, albeit for not much money. All alone, I am forever alone.

He loves to mock me in front of other people in really a rather clever way (he is very bright)...his favorite topics: to tell other people at a lunch or dinner out about how I vacuum up the food when he's not looking so he'd better eat his now and not leave it for leftovers for me to attack, or to loll his head around and widen his eyes and slacken his jaw in imitation of how dim and "careless" and "thoughtless" (meaning literally without thought - i.e. unintelligent) I am and he does it in such a comical way that the entire table laughs and I just want to die.

We do not sleep together, he has let it be known how disgusting it is to touch me because I'M fat (?????) so he openly has many bottles of lube on the counter and will grab one and off he goes, pretty much openly, to take care of business.

I could go on but why bother? I have a feeling people only really want to know for the sensationalism anyway, but for me it's not a moment's titillating and scandalizing reading on the internet, it's my life and I am no longer even a person, I am so far down and feel like a dog in the dirt. There is nothing left of my soul or spirit, I am a dead person inside and want to die.

When I realized I wanted to die rather than go on living like this, that's when I knew I would have to leave.

HTH, I mean what the hell else can I even say.

By the way, other people say I'm quite pretty. So he's more enjoying hurting me than stating truths.

I am so sad that you have had to deal with all of this. I almost married a guy similar to your husband when I was just out of high school. They love to beat you down emotionally in order to keep you. You are worth so much more than this!

Once you leave you will have tough times, but it will be nothing like the abuse you have suffered.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Meyerland

I am so sad that you have had to deal with all of this. I almost married a guy similar to your husband when I was just out of high school. They love to beat you down emotionally in order to keep you. You are worth so much more than this!

Once you leave you will have tough times, but it will be nothing like the abuse you have suffered.

Thank you. I definitely don't see getting out as being easier, just less harmful.

[SD4020]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Hmmm, I do have to say this because now this is interesting.

Your POV that abuse is not abuse is very obviously the reason for your anger against women and against society in general. Abusive personalities feel helpless and they want to control. They're already angry right out the gate. Take away someone they can then abuse based on their own issues (in other words, have measures, including legal ones, in place to make abuse no longer possible), and it's no longer just anger. It's the type of helpless vitriol displayed here.

It's helplessness (against attacking someone even more helpless) times ten.

I would definitely feel we are dealing with quite an abusive personality here. Definitely explains the level of anger and also the fact that anger does not allow him to even read clearly, he is half-blinded at this point trying to abuse somebody, anybody (example: his assertion that it is that my husband is being mean "to me," without even had the calmness and capability to read that he is also mean to our son), and not being able to do so.

Of course, there is another way out of this situation rather than hoping society will change back to one that allows abuse, and that is to seek personal help. But abusive individuals are notoriously VERY slow to even admit to needing it, much less getting it.

The attacks will continue throughout this and other threads, but they don't mean very much. They're just helpless anger.

More hapless than helpless. The last thing you need to do is justify your leaving to some bitter person on his mom's basement attacking others.

[cindersslipper]

Originally Posted by JerZ

Thanks, you guys. So much. Look, this guy needs a reaction. Not wants, needs. He is pulling out every possible stop. He is fishing for whatever will get him, in his desperation, an answer, whether it's a negative one or not. Doesn't matter.

He's trying to clog something that's uncomfortable to him, with a lot of distractions - anything to make reality stop, anything to stop him from having to address what really is making him this furious inside. I've seen it before, it's actually not all that uncommon. It is perhaps more common in children but I have in fact seen it in adults. It is desperation, hurt and fury. It is not logic and can't be combated with logic.

It doesn't bother me except to make me sad. I too know what pain is, real pain. However his pain translates to attempting to get other people to feel just as disturbed as he does. I love you guys but don't go to bat for me by refuting this person's posts. He will go away quietly eventually when he stops receiving the stimulation of responses that make other people (in his mind) as sufferingly angry as he is.

Ok step one -

You have to stop making excuses for this douche.

Who cares what his mental and emotional state is? Not I.

He had his family for years, he screwed it up royally by his own behaviour. You wouldn't care about a burglar's feelings if they robbed you, so stop concerning yourself with this guy too. He's an emotional vandal, not happy till he's left his mark on everything around him.

You have to stop being around him.

This takes planning.

Good lawyer NUMBER ONE but in Oz a lot of people stumble on this. Lawyers are like cars, there's good and bad but they ALL need someone to steer them. They take instruction, not give it.

My point is, you have to be clear in your own mind what you wish to instruct.

Me? I'd be "take him to the cleaners" because of his lousy parental attitude to your disabled son. You will need all the $ you can get.

I would start with a plan, first of all get important docs out of the house, to a friends or something. Also any medication anyone needs, emergency clothing etc.

Start siphoning off as much $ as you can. Hide this too. I had ZERO when my ex took off, I didn't even know he knew the pin number. Horrible times. He will want to see you come crawling back and in order to do this, financial control is all that's left to him.

Start organising good quality care for your sons, if you don't already have it.

Consider moving closer to your family if you can.

Keep a notebook on all the nasty chit that comes out of his mouth, especially regarding the kids, you can use this in court to severely limit his access.

Ack. Stay strong. I hope you have good girlfriends. Also - GOOD FOR YOU! It's scary but not one day without him will be worse than another day with him.

Good luck. Get in touch with domestic violence groups, even if he hasn't been violent YET the number one risk time is when you first get away. You will need strategies to keep yourself safe. Preferably, don't tell him where you are. Use a refuge if necessary, they have a lot of resources and support just sitting there waiting for you.

[meaning]

Originally Posted by R.Shackleford

Clearly you have n read the whole thread. OP's description of abuse ammounted to her husband being mean to her.

Clearly you need a LOT of reading here I give it to you:

https://www.google.com/search?q=emot...m=122&ie=UTF-8


Just because you think physical abuse is the only form of abuse that hurts. The links above may blow your mind. Go do some reading and come back here. With compassion, I hope this time.

[Keeper]

I have cleaned the thread up, however I want to point out a few things.

Recommending violence as a solution is not allowed.

Attacking another member will get you an infraction.

Calling other members names will get you an infraction.

If you have nothing helpful to add then move along to another thread where you can be helpful.

Please report bad posts rather than calling other member names

[cindersslipper]

Originally Posted by JerZ

No thank you, God no. Unless maybe you're just kidding?

Sadly, this is often what it takes.

Personally, I "hired" a couple of policemen to serve him with a restraining order. Oh wait, they did it for free.

Abusing people is illegal in Australia, whether you're married to them or not.