Big problem - I'm in West LA, SO in San Diego (Los Angeles: apartment, rental)

[dara678]

Hello! Just wanted to ask what y'all thought of this dilemma: I recently got a job in west LA and my soon-to-be husband (as in t-minus 1 and a half months) has a wonderful job in san diego that he can't leave. We have been doing long-distance for four years now, so it's important to us to live together once we're married. I have to be at work around 6 and will leave around 4-5, and he was planning to take the train from orange/santa ana down to san diego. We both know the commute will be absolutely horrid for both us for at least a couple of years, and we're prepared to deal with that, although do any of you have suggestions for tolerable places to commute from? We were thinking of Long Beach or Cerritos too. Thanks!!

[timelesschild]

Why is this happening? Are you in a specialized field and can only get work in LA, or in a medical residency?

[LaoTzuMindFu]

I think you need to ask yourself what is more important to you - your soon-to-be-husband or a job. If you guys plan on making a marriage work, one of you will need to bite the bullet on this. If your fiancee has a "wonderful job" in SD and you were just offered "a job" in LA then this really should be an easy decision for you. Enjoy San Diego, congratulations on your wedding.

[atlantagreg30127]

Originally Posted by DaBeez

I think you need to ask yourself what is more important to you - your soon-to-be-husband or a job. If you guys plan on making a marriage work, one of you will need to bite the bullet on this. If your fiancee has a "wonderful job" in SD and you were just offered "a job" in LA then this really should be an easy decision for you. Enjoy San Diego, congratulations on your wedding.

I have to agree with this. L.A. is certainly not a cheap place to live, and getting a good job is like finding gold, but as DaBeez said, one of you have to raise a flag on this one. Long distance for both won't work in the long term and will just cause stress.

L.A. is literally the only city with more congestion than Atlanta (where I live). I knew a couple where one guy worked in Atlanta and the wife had a job in Chattanooga, TN (approx. 2 hours North of Atlanta). They tried to make it work but by the time each of them got home at the halfway point it was getting dark and nearly time for bed to do it all over again. Put a strain on the new marriage until she finally figured her job was more generic than his and she quit, and they moved closer to the city. She wound up finding an even better job down the road too, so now they're happy with short commutes.

[BRinSM]

I'm with atlantagreg on this one. I couldn't imagine a successful marriage when you work over 100 miles from eachother.

[dara678]

Unfortunately, my job is something that I don't have a choice about -- I am starting medical residency and that's where I matched to. I know very well how difficult it may be, and I thank you for all the above responses. However, I would like to know if any of you think there is a city that we can do this from.

[greggd]

Dont make it hard for both of you.

Why dont you move to san diego and rent a small studio in Los Angeles.
That way you can stay in Los Angeles from Tues through Thursday nights & return to San Diego on fridays.

You will certainly spend the 2nd rental expense in gas and time.

[BRinSM]

you could probably even find a room to rent during the week for even cheaper than a studio.

[timelesschild]

Originally Posted by greggd

Dont make it hard for both of you.

Why dont you move to san diego and rent a small studio in Los Angeles.
That way you can stay in Los Angeles from Tues through Thursday nights & return to San Diego on fridays.

You will certainly spend the 2nd rental expense in gas and time.

This is what a dental resident friend of mine did. Her husband was in medical residency 80 miles away, so he had an actual apartment and she just had a room, and they spent as much time together as possible, which wasn't much, I'm sure....

I wondered whether it was a medical residency based on your original question. Given that, I am sure you all can make it work, with a good sense of humor and patience.

Have you posted on the Orange County board? Those folks would have good insights on mid-point locations. Maybe if you are near the Orange County Metrolink, you can catch a few naps on your way to the hospital. That might be a big help to you.

Good luck...

[the one]

i would suggest somewhere in the OC. not too far south but close enough to the west side and still not too far from SD. costa mesa? mission viejo? actually those would stil be awful commutes. 120 miles round trip i think. i would bite the bullet and just do the long distance thing a bit longer. then maybe get a room rental. bunk with other residents...kinda like greys anatomy. i jest i jest. but worth a shot. good luck on this major problem.