Making Friends in Los Angeles (West Hollywood: loft, garden, pay)

[osuzana]

When we bought our first house in steptford land located in the unincorporated part of L.A., only one person came over to meet myself, husband and four year old. She only came because of the interesting vanity plate my husband had on his nice car. For some reason I was naive enough to think the welcome wagon of old would seek us out and make us feel welcomed or neighbors would come by with cookies extending a greeting of friendship and an invite for our kids to play. That never happened and in a neighborhood 90% filled with school aged children, it was a pretty lonely existence to be dismissed as the new neighbor that did not move in when everyone else did in 1989. We lived there for only two years and when we moved into our new neighborhood without sidewalks and even wealthier people, I took my then six year old by the hand and went house to house to introduce ourselves mainly for my son's sake. There were people that were original owners from 1990 that never met the person that lived across the street with kids. Just never got around to meeting them....after nine years. That's really why people have their property gated....to keep the unknown out. Luckily, my efforts worked and my child had kids to play with for a change and I had ladies to talk to, occasionally.

[Fontucky]

When my next-door neighbors moved in last year, I took them a big bag of lemons from my trees.

We're not all closed off a'holes around here.

[fatmancomics]

Some of my neighbors met my wife and I as we saw each other on the street. That kind of candor also comes along with the a-hole neighbor who came and scolded us for letting the weeds in our yard get too large after the rainy season last year. He came with his german shepperd that lunged at my wife (on our driveway!) and he kept scholding after I told him that we would take care of it. I had to ask him to get off my property and promptly gave him a loud "f- you" when he yelled "shame on you" as he was leaving.

As far as making friends: I'm a local and friends are come and go in this city. Even the friends that I had since we were kids in elementary had no problem dissapearing for years at a time without exchanging information and then picking up where we left off the next time we ran into each other. It's like someone else already posted; people seem to have no problem letting you go once you no longer have something to offer to them and that's fine by me. I've finally come to terms with the fact that most people are like that no matter where you go. I'm married now and still get along with most of my family so there's no need for me to have someone to hang out with. I have friends from work whom I'll gladly hang out with during our free time but that is a rare occasion since they have families that keep them busy as well.

When I was single I made most of my friends at work, in class (met my wife in a judo class) or through friends I already had. Someone suggested volunteering and I would suggest also taking classes at your local community college. The community college where I live always has events like karaoke nights at the student center and they have a year-around farmer's market. But I had to learn how to let go of old friends and be comfortable just being by myself before I could make new ones.

Hang in there all you lonely people.

[osuzana]

You know, even in the neighborhood where I grew up and lived for over 25 years, the people that lived in the cul-de-sac didn't mix with those of us that lived in front of them and shared the same backyard fence. If I wanted to play with kids I had to go to the cul-de-sac and endure those looks like I came from Mars. Again...we didn't move in when the homes were first built so we were at a disadvantage. Along with the usual cruelties that childhood brings. A mother and daughter offered to help us with our boxes and unpacking the day we moved into our last place and they were only visiting their relative next door! Not from California.

[uptown_urbanist]

Go on the MN forums sometime and see the complaints about how hard it is to meet people (southern CA tends to be held up frequently as the shining example of friendliness, interestingly enough). I've frequently heard people say the same thing about the Pacific Northwest. I think it's an issue with society in general, rather than site-specific. Everyone is busy with their overscheduled lives and often people seem to prefer their house to be where they can go to get away from everyone. My friends all complain about similar issues and they live scattered across the country.

Still, I think some neighborhoods (and maybe blocks) are better about this than others. South Pasadena was pretty friendly, although there were definitely neighbors I never met (not through lack of trying on my part).

Maybe it was just luck of the draw, but I've actually found it easier to meet people in the LA area than anywhere else I've lived. I attributed it to the fact that there were lots of other people also new to the area, as well as a core group of natives to the state. That combination of transient yet not totally so seemed to be a good blend; enough consistency to establish a firm sense of community, yet not so insular that new arrivals feel locked out. But again, that will vary by specific location.

[Headintheclouds]

Yep... I've had almost the exact experience as the original poster of this thread.
I moved to LA a little over 4 years ago. My first night in town *Bam*, met the guy who would become my boyfriend for the next 4 years... but, as far as meeting females ~ nearly impossible. I have a cousin who lives here and one good friend from my hometown in Northern California... other than that ~ the few friendships I've formed from previous jobs, etc... have faded.
I am presently working as a corporate flight attendant, so I am away from home an average of 15 days per month. Meeting people at work is impossible for me... because, it's just myself and the pilots... a very lonely existence, to be honest. When I am home on my days off (10 - 12 days in a row) I have found it difficult to meet new people ~ and find that I just dont know what to do with myself during my downtime. One can only work-out, do laundry, clean the apartment, and roam around Target so much... I want to make the most of my days off darn-it.
I moved to the West side about 6 months ago ~ and while the vibe is more relaxed than it was in West Hollywood... people still seem a bit closed off.
Now I am single again and find that I am missing my friends from back home... and wished there were more opportunities to meet good peeps. I definitely enjoy my alone time... but, honestly ~ I get enough of that on the road!

[affbound]

[quote=Headintheclouds;11670267]
I moved to the West side about 6 months ago ~ and while the vibe is more relaxed than it was in West Hollywood... people still seem a bit closed off.
quote]

Headintheclouds,

I feel your pain. I moved to the West side about 9 months ago and though I like being near Venice beach, it's still an effort meeting people. Recently, I met a group of West siders that gets together 1-2 a week, mostly Saturday nights. They're a nice crowd. Contact me if you'd like to join.

[Lovetheoutdoors]

I took some general interest classes at UCLA Extension a few years ago and met some people who are still my friends today. It's nice meeting people who share the same interest as you.

[learningCA]

Wow, I found this thread, bless your soul, recentmover , you've helped a lot of people take things less personally!

I moved here recently as well and I've been going through a cultural shock!
It helps to know that it's not all about me...

The fact is that big cities are tough and LA is one of the largest. Life is expensive and competitive here, that's perhaps why so many are focused on connections rather than simple friendships - it's so damn hard to survive on your own!
If one doesn't make a tone of money or have the protection of a family, as native Angelenos do, one can go through some hellish experiences here! So the ones who survive might lose their compassion toward other human beings. In a transient mega-city as Los Angeles many more people fail and disappear than make it, how can anyone care for all these people?
So the lucky ones are content in their tribal units and the rest, all those lonely people as Beatles song goes, live their invisible lives or take off to places where they might stand a chance to fit in.
LA is the world capital of entertainment, the place of dreams for all those kids out there! It's a concept, a mental construction, an artifice, not just a real city with sunny beaches, blue ocean, beautiful young people, opulent riches, abject poverty, repulsive misery, large homeless population and abundant vice!
But while here, surrounded by millions and millions of people, so many of them newcomers, it's hard to lose hope that someday you might find someone who really, really cares...

After all, at heart we are all children.

[Maymer]

You may disagree but I bet you if we stripped all the clothes off of everyone, took away the credit cards, money, cars, and all material things. All of us would not have a problem making friends. We are all equal as humans. No one is better than the other. No one is clearly prettier than another person because beauty is skin deep.

It is very sad to read all of these replies from folks who cannot find friends. I am a very busy person but my excuse is not that I don't have time for friends. I have time for you if not I'll make time for you. So you like to sky dive? Great! I have never been but how about I join you? I have found that a friend will again take interest in what someone else does for a living or their hobbies. Once you start doing that and accepting people for who they are, thats when you start living life. I've met the best people doing exactly this.

I think it is tough finding friends also because people are so very busy with their own lives. i.e making ends meet, taking care of their family, working,
Somehow everyone has their own struggle and has no "time" to take interest in other people. The pressure in our society these days are so high. Who are you going to be in life? Where will you be in the next 10 years from now? How will you pay your debt off? Well, you do not have to be anyone but yourself and go at your own pace. If everyone would live their lives at their own comfortable pace instead of being influenced by such a fast pace society we live in (speaking of cities). I think this is another reason for not making friends. It's not just here in Los Angeles.

Goodluck everyone! Also, thank you for the emails.