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I'm a late thirties single female in Los Angeles living on the Westside. I moved here about two years ago and still find it extremely difficult to make friends. I'm not religious, so church is out, and the one Meetup group I attended, for hiking, was not very friendly (I had to initiate all conversation). The few women who have actually reached out to me have, in some unfortunate twist of fate, all moved away. Friends of friends have invited me out once or twice but then were unavailable to get together again. My current workplace is very small and I am unlikely to socialize with my coworkers.
I've tried a lot of online dating, but out of the more than 40 dates I've been on, only one has become a friend. It seems that the protocol here is to "disappear" when not romantically interested (the rudeness of that is still difficult for me to accept), so making friends with men seems about as impossible as befriending women.
I used to be social and have a ton of friends, so I figure that I can't be the only one finding this difficult. Anyone have any good suggestions on groups, clubs, or activities? I'm pretty much at a loss. I do dance, and have met a few people that way, but we only see each other at dance events.
I understand 100% where you are coming from! Believe it or not, a lot of people are finding it harder and harder to make friends....I believe we are becoming more of a narcissistic (sp?) society (facebook, twitter, etc). This makes it harder to connect with people. Everyone is focused on their world only. California also has a high cost of living, so most people are focused on staying afloat, so they stick with their old high school buddies or child friends.
I also use to have a ton of friends, but that changed after I graduated college. Everyone went their seperate ways, moved, had children, etc. Here is what I would suggest......
1) Try to avoid online dating sites- they are okay for meeting new people, but you would have to sift through a ton of garbage...its a breeding spot for men who are married or just plain weirdos. Meeting people online is cool, but I would avoid dating sites. There is a site called, Meetup. You can find locals in your area who meetup in person based on interest. They have groups like, "Black millionaires", "Political groups", "cooking groups" etc. It makes it easy to find people who have the same interests as you, but doesn't put too much pressure on you, because it is a big group of people, who may or may not know each other.
2) Take a class- This should have actually been listed as #1. I met the best people in my life when I went to college. Some of those people are still in my life till this day. When you take a class, in many cases, you will have to be put in groups. This kind of forces a person to want to get to know more about you. You don't have to enroll in a college program, but there are community colleges that have classes you can take, like 'cooking', 'yoga', etc. However, I would perfer taking a class that is career-oriented. Like maybe a real estate agent course, financial planning.
3) Get out the house- When I was having a hard time making new friends, I also noticed I barely left the house unless it was for work or to run errands. Your not going to meet anyone like this. Hit your local bar or club. I wouldn't suggest going to these spots to meet your soul-mate, but its a good place to make friends. The whole point is to widen your social circle. Some people will stick, while others just become associates. Its all a numbers game...the more people you meet, the more friends you will make.
4)Get someone you know to move near you-Cali is also a very desired state to live in. Do you have first cousins or family that could visit you? When i first moved to Cali, I coaxed a couple of my first cousins to move out here. I told them about the beautiful weather and that I would help set them up and stuff. I just wanted some family out here with me. I think you should try this approach as well, as it couldn't hurt. Also, do you have any old childhood friends that you keep in touch with from your home state?
Because LA is such a transient city and so large, the newbies aren't the only ones who have social circle issues. People are so busy trying to build their careers so they can succeed, they primary focus is to get over on each other or seeing what they can get out associating with you, that if you can't help their career, they don't have time, or rather, won't take the time to be friends in the traditional sense.
This is so true. California has a high cost of living...unlike other cities, it is socially unacceptable to be a bum on the street with no car or social status...especially in LA. Everyone wants to be someone, so a lot of people hang out with others just because they have money or some sort of status.
So what is wrong with that,the majority of people I know have no easily defined line between social life and professional life. There is just not enough hours in the day for that and I have found that it is impossible to do two things at the same time and do them well.
While this is true, I think it matters a lot to people who want to make real, geniune connections with others that are not based off of materialistic or shallow reasons. I would want someone to like me for me; because I'm funny, silly, caring, mysterious, appealing, etc. rather than for my money or connections. Shallow friendships don't last long.
Honestly it seems like this thread should be about Orange County. I moved from Minneapolis, MN to OC and felt extremely isolated and unable to make friends even though I am social. I moved to LA 6 months ago or so and I have been making friends left and right. I am not super good looking or rich by any means. I work on the technical side of the entertainment industry and have met friends through work and my neighborhood. I live in the Los Feliz neighborhood and everyone is really friendly here so far. I joined meetup.com and started going to meetups and have met some friends through that as well. I have found that LA is much more accepting than my hometown.
I am a chubby conservative from the Midwest if I can make friends here than so can all of you.
How old are you though? It seems the people saying they make friends are all younger, like right out of college. Also alot of these friends you make will most likely move away eventually. I cant even count how many friends I had over the years that are now living somewhere else.
What are you saying that's pissing everybody off? Maybe there's a reason "everyone" appears thin skinned.
People are always complaining or protesting about something out here.
But one personal example is that I once said Los Angeles is not a good place for real long term friendships, and that we never have a white xmas (real snow, not snow on the mountains). If I complained about that stuff in other states and cities people would agree (such as saying, yes Chicago is cold, yes NYC is dirty, the weather here sucks, I hate snow and rain and I dont like snow on xmas, people would agree...in LA though people will disagree and get defensive).
As I said California is a nice place but the people in SoCal and some parts of NorCal are very flaky, impatient and are defensive about everything, all while being superficial at the same time.
How old are you though? It seems the people saying they make friends are all younger, like right out of college. Also alot of these friends you make will most likely move away eventually. I cant even count how many friends I had over the years that are now living somewhere else.
Enquiring Minds, I really have no idea what perspective you are coming from, but personally I think you are a little off the mark.
I have been in LA only since just after the New Years, and I just do not find the superficial people that everyone keeps talking about.
First off I have to say, is that its back in the midwest (including Chicago) where college life is great, where you make lots of friends and then your friends move away. Because it is a little more traditional (even in the urban-suburban metro areas) people tend to get married a little younger. In the midwest the "herd gets thinned." LA is a great city for those from their mid 20s through their 30s in terms of making friends from what I've seen.
Every walk of life is represented here. Do you find the stereotypical superficial people here. Absolutely. But so far, from what I've seen they are really a minority and really more entertaining and amusing more than anything else.
You say that LA has no culture. What exactly does that mean. You say they need to clean up there architecture??
Have you been to Pasadena? Seen the city hall? Hung out on Colorado Blvd on the weekends? Do you know of the art museums there.
How about historic Olvera street? Have you gone there? How about city hall? Sure parts of downtown and Hollywood, could use a bit more revitalization sure. But doesn't that make LA more real? Or would you rather all the poverty and crime be concentrated in one area where gentrified residents can ignore.
You say that there is no culture, but then you complain that most of the restaurants are Mexican or Asian. Can you explain what you want?? I think its amazing the Asian culture here. Of every background. Away from California Asians are a small minority. What about the middle eastern population? And the hispanic population here is very diverse. Sure its mostly Mexican, but of every socioeconomic background and every region of Mexico.
In a city like Chicago there is a very large Mexican population, but you would swear they were all from the same village in Durango and Michoacan.
I'm not really sure what you are looking for, and I'm not sure if you really gave LA your all. You have to explore. I take it you are not an outdoor person, as you complain that you have to go into the mountains to see snow. Exactly, you have mountains to go to!
How have you lived in LA? My experience is that those who give the same old complaints about LA are themselves one who wants to make it big or whatever.
The whole entertainment industry is not the Kardashians or Lindsay Lohan. There is 80 years of movie making history. Is that all a cultural wasteland?
You say its hard to make intelligent conversation with anyone under 45. Well if you go to the midwest or east coast, you will find that if you don't follow their major league sports teams, or know the indie music scene that they know, it might be hard to find common things to talk about.
Consider this perspective: As an LA native in my sixth decade, the constant complaining (from otherlanders) about where I live started wearing thin shortly before my third decade. It really, really does get tiresome after the first 10,000 same old complaints.
Consider this perspective: As an LA native in my sixth decade, the constant complaining (from otherlanders) about where I live started wearing thin shortly before my third decade. It really, really does get tiresome after the first 10,000 same old complaints.
I am just ignoring that rhetoric. If one can't find ones niche in greater LA, they are not going to find it anywhere.
I am a female in my late-twenties, and I also live on the Westside. I am not a transplant, I was born and raised in LA. I can tell when someone is a transplant because most are eager to make friends and will strike up a conversation with just about anyone.
I am no native but been living in So Cal long enough to be considered a native but due to my talkative, loopy personality, I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone and have done so. Not something I am bragging or complaining about but it is just the type of person we are (the voice in my head and I).
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I think living in LA for so long can harden a person. I have had a lot of random people harass me at grocery stores, community college, on the road, etc. After so much random harassment, I've learned not to make eye contact with people (they might take that as you wanting interaction with them), and I try to appear as though I'm in a hurry so no one will bother me. I think most people learn to do this while living here as a survival mechanism.
I might have been one of those who harassed you at one point. Are you a redhead by any chance?
On a serious note, the words you picked depicted the typical mentality in this city about conversing with strangers, when anyone who you are not interested in, tries to talk to you, it is perceived as "harassment". That might be one of the main issues. Most people live such hectic, stressful lives, they become jaded and try to shut most everyone out of their life, or they at least avoid any social interaction they deem unnecessary.
No one seems to have time or wants to make time to socialize, may be perhaps because most of us feel we need time for ourselves more?
I never really had any problems meeting people or making friends but since most people are wearing masks in this part of the country, more often than not, you do not really know who you are meeting or if the person you think you are getting to know is really being themselves? Sadly, too many pretenders and wannabes in So Cal.
I find it more suitable to chat with people while they are doing something when they least expect it (for example; while working or at the gym or shopping) sort of a trick to catch them mask-less. That is probably why I find it easier to make friends at work because you get to know the person without any expectations or pressure. For dating, being introduced through a common friend also lessens the chances of "I wonder if he/she is a freak?" worry.
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I only have two good friends whom I confide in, everyone else is just an acquaintance or co-worker. I am not the type of person who likes to have a big circle of friends, I think two close friends is enough for me.
I suggest befriending transplants, they will be more receptive and open-minded to your friendship.
You do sound like a social butterfly but I do not blame you. Even though experts advise against it, I typically make friends at work. To this day, with the exception of couple of childhood friends, my closest friends are former colleagues, supervisors, etc. One close friend was a former roommate. He got married, kids, etc. Sometimes you end up making new friends because you lose touch with certain other ones due to conditions out of your control.
I typically have time and need for 2-3 real close friends. When I am in the mood and outside my own neighborhood, I can and often do chat with random strangers. It can be educational or at least fun. By getting to know other people sometimes help me get to know myself even better, change your thinking or perspective on many things including life. I think most people are either scared or biased for some reason.
I am just ignoring that rhetoric. If one can't find ones niche in greater LA, they are not going to find it anywhere.
Any major city is fantastic when you're young & new in town.
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