Making Friends in Los Angeles (Santa Monica: school, living in, restaurants)

[lesallimc]

Originally Posted by Raggy dee Ann

Not if you are blue collar and working the night shift at the Budweiser plant. Any way there comes a time when friendship is tested and some of those LA friends proved to be very loyal and went above the call of duty....mind you they were all mid western or southern transplants It's an individual thing and you may find it easier elsewhere.

Yep, you make a good point. I think because I'm a southern transplant myself, I have expectations that will probably always be difficult to meet here. It's no biggie. I actually have plans to move back in about a year and a half, but I am greatly enjoying this thread.

[katenik]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

Because LA is such a transient city and so large, the newbies aren't the only ones who have social circle issues. People are so busy trying to build their careers so they can succeed, they primary focus is to get over on each other or seeing what they can get out associating with you, that if you can't help their career, they don't have time, or rather, won't take the time to be friends in the traditional sense.

i have experienced this sort of thing as well. one woman whom i befriended dropped me after i made it clear i wasn't interested in paying her to be my "life coach"...whatever the hell that is!

to the OP: if you have the time, consider getting a part-time job that will get you out of the house a couple days a week, or, if you are academically-inclined, go back to school. the places where we are foced to spend time are really the best place to meet people. i know that many of us are loathe to go back out after fighting traffic getting home, or because we have such long distances to commute, it simply isn't feasible to socialize on weeknights with anyone except the next-door neighbor...and this isn't that kind of place, either. however, getting together after work or class is much easier to do, and many welcome the chance to unwind (and avoid the worst traffic) after a long day. my lasting friendships generally start this way.

we also cram a lot of errands into our weekends, so the time that's leftover is spent with family and the friends we already have. nurturing new friendships ends up way down on the list of priorities, especially after a certain age, when our social circles seem complete as they are. my closest friends today are women i met at work more than a decade ago, and with very few exceptions, the new friendships i have formed since that time have been with their friends. when i do meet new people on my own, i want my old friends to meet and like them as well. at our core, we're tribal creatures, and you have to find your tribe.

[streetscenes]

Have you tried any volunteer oportunities? Stuff like food banks, habitat for humanity, homeless services, etc. Find something that interests you and volunteer, maybe you can find others with similar interests. Are you into fitness? There are lots of running clubs, bike clubs, etc.

Good Luck.

[impala666]

Originally Posted by lesallimc

Great point. I work for a studio, so I see a lot of this....

I remember about 3-4 years after I moved here, I was having this same discussion with another person who had moved here from NY. She said somebody told her when she came here, "You don't come here to make friends. You come here to make contacts." Unfortunately, I think there is a lot of truth to that...

So what is wrong with that,the majority of people I know have no easily defined line between social life and professional life. There is just not enough hours in the day for that and I have found that it is impossible to do two things at the same time and do them well.

[lesallimc]

Originally Posted by impala666

So what is wrong with that,the majority of people I know have no easily defined line between social life and professional life. There is just not enough hours in the day for that and I have found that it is impossible to do two things at the same time and do them well.

The problem is a lot of people here don't do both things well. I have a problem with people JUST wanting to talk to me because of what I can do for them not because of having a true friendship. There is no blurred line. Many people have no intention of being a true friend, but socialize under the guise of making friends to further their own interests. There is a difference...

[timelesschild]

Hm, I would venture the hypothesis that there are users everywhere; it isn't exclusive to LA. And I would even go so far as to assert that they are very prevalent everywhere.

However, there are also nice people everywhere who genuinely want friendships. It is possible to take a "numbers" approach - I'll do so many things with so many people, and some of them are bound to be the sort of people who can stand me, and whom I can stand. From those, and from shared experiences over time, come friendships. That doesn't always bear enough fruits to counterbalance the sheer exhaustion it generates... lol....

It's hard, no doubt. The last city I lived in, I was there 8 years before anything like true friendships began to develop in my life. I was doing things which should, in theory, have worked (relatives, co-workers, invitations, softball, churches, art classes, whatever). But it just took forever. Finally in the days of young parenthood I met some other moms of young children, and some of them have turned out to be lifelong friends. Others turned out to be users.

It's an odd thing why this should be difficult, but sometimes it just is.

[lesallimc]

Originally Posted by timelesschild

Hm, I would venture the hypothesis that there are users everywhere; it isn't exclusive to LA. And I would even go so far as to assert that they are very prevalent everywhere.

I totally agree with this statement. I guess I just feel like I see it more here (proportionately speaking) probably because of the entertainment industry. It would stand to reason that if people are trying to get jobs in a profession where jobs don't always come easily, you would probably see more of this type of behavior...

[Maymer]

Making friends in Los angeles is the worst. Good luck. People here are worried about making it big. The big city is always hard to connect to humanity. I have to initiate all conversations also and its tiring. Who wants to be friendly all the time when no one isn't. People are so self centered here its amazing. Try to keep your self company. Los Angeles is not a place to settle down. I suggest going to the country side. There are nicer people up north and its easy to make friends there. People get old quick here darling. Your best bet is to move. Don't worry about meeting a best friend like you had back in high school. We are all allowed to never grow up! I encourage bright youthful friendships. While your staying young all your life everyone else is growing bags under their eyes because they are too stubborn to live a little.

[BeenAroundTheBlock]

When I moved from Philadelphia to Orlando four years ago I went through the same thing. Every week I would read the listings in my local paper for various clubs and organizations. After a few months I decided to check it out. The first one I tried was the Newcomers Club. Don't be fooled by the name. Many of the women have been involved for years; they started when they moved here and just stay with the group going forward. They have so many different sub-groups, almost anything anyone would like to do. Maybe it would be a place to try. Southern California Coastal Region Newcomers Clubs, Moms and Dads Organizations, Womens Clubs Directory

I ended up with a more centralized group within my master planned community. We'd meet once a month but also plan different events such as seeing musicals, dinners, happy hours, etc. As time went by I developed personal friendships with the people I had the most in common with. We've taken golf lessons together, meet for lunch a few times a month and others we get together with our spouses.

[Rats]

I'm 22 and haven't made any "true" friendships (where both people care about one another more than they care about themselves) that haven't stemmed from my friends or acquaintances in high school. There's tons of people I go out with, have fun with, laugh with, but when it comes to someone who I think I can trust with my life, people like that are very hard to find. Other than my family, there are only 2 people in my life that I could honestly trust to make every single decision for me if something happens to me. And you're right... when it comes to the opposite sex, once romance fades, it seems like one person always wants to let go of the friendship aspect as well. I think in this town, you just have to be truly happy with yourself and not fear being alone, then just try your best to find other goodhearted people.