Gangster Question (San Francisco: houses, neighborhoods, gated)

[ForestGirl]

The demographics of my neighborhood are changing as developers move in and create McMansions and McParks in previously desolate desert land. As a result, my neighborhood has its first gangster.

This is a quiet neighborhood so when the thump,thump,thump of his gang-mobile came cruising through the neighborhood it was mildly disturbing. It took a while to realize that the three in the morning disturbance was from a neighbor.

He was washing his car at 5pm with the loud thump-thump-thump on the radio and I could not watch my movie without blasting it above the noise so I quietly walked down the street to ask him if he could turn it down a bit; I couldn’t hear my tv three houses down.

He’s four feet tall with the dullest eyes I’ve seen. No connection whatsoever. This was the first red flag I overlooked in my zeal to have it my way. He complied but in best gang fashion knew that this meant neighbor war.

It took a few days but it has begun. He’s pissing the way a gang member pisses out his territory. He pulled into a parking space in front of my house and blasted the **** beyond then slowly took off. Impulse control; mine and his both got us in trouble but I’m afraid he will not relent.

So, what should I do to rectify the situation? Should I 'make friends', ignore him, or move?

[BlackSS]

Delicate situations like this are very easy: If you can ease with this person and have a small conversation and get to know this individual then by all means do it, aint nothin wrong with that. Im from South LA so I know how gang members behave around my area and believe me you want them to be on your side. Hope this helps...

[ForestGirl]

Thanks BlackSS, I was thinking along the same lines. I just wasn't sure if being friendly and having a small conversation would exasperate his tensions. I really dig his car, it's kind of neat. The side doors rotate up in the air instead of opening out to the side; he takes much pride it in and I plan to compliment him on it. Thanks again.

[fastfilm]

ForestGirl, you're an adult and can do whatever you want, but I'll ask you the same thing I asked my neighor's daughter when she said she thought a gang member seemed "normal." What do you want from life? To surround yourself with people who share your interests, rides, car customizing, etc., or people who think violence is the only way of life? Remember, this is an individual whose initiation consisted of being beaten up by his new "friends," and who, as a member, will also beat up any newcomers. This is "normal" to them. Is this normal to you? Only you can answer that, not me.

[BlackSS]

Originally Posted by ForestGirl

Thanks BlackSS, I was thinking along the same lines. I just wasn't sure if being friendly and having a small conversation would exasperate his tensions. I really dig his car, it's kind of neat. The side doors rotate up in the air instead of opening out to the side; he takes much pride it in and I plan to compliment him on it. Thanks again.

A lot of people think that all gang members are cold-blooded murderes and let me tell you this is not true at all. Many are family members with children and try their best to go legit. You have to understand where they come from though, many come into this world in broken homes, cracked-out parents, or are just lost. This is not to say you shouldn't fear and be careful around them though, you always want be cautious of your surroundings but at the same time, understand and respect them as normal individuals and perhaps if you break the ice with them, you will see many are very friendly.

[George]

Hi there,

I live in San Francisco and will be moving back east this month. I didn't see anywhere where the ethnic background of the individual you are having problems with was mentioned but I sounds like the steriotyping of Afracin Amaricans.

I'm white and work in the field of addictions and recovery, interacting with people from a diverse population.

First impressions will get me every time. I think it's only human to judge people by our first impression. In the cave man days it probably saved lives. You could spot a threat and run for it. Or stand and fight.

I like to think that we have grown through learning that first impression are saying more about the viewer than they say about the individual being viewd. That is, experience should tell us all that judging people by what we see on the outside really says nothing about what's going on on the inside.

Our live experiences mold us into the individuals we are. No two individuals are the alike. Appearence and some behaviors may be similar, but that's where it stops.

Thus, my suggestion is to start slow, talk about the weather and the car. If you keep it up long enough, I think you will be surprised that you saw this person as a negative addition to the neighborhood.

Or you may find that this person really is an ass hole, some people are but, again, its not their fault. All of our personalities reflect what happened to us in the early developmental stages of our lives.

I hope that you to not slip into old patterns that no longer work, and make room for ones that do

Peace, George

[RedNC]

I feel a group hug coming on. It’s time to sing ***’by’ya.

[fastfilm]

George, George, George. You yourself have just refuted your own contention that being an a-hole is not someone's fault. You chose to post in a civilized manner that reflected your own belief systems, rather than cyber-scream at us online. As with a hundred thousand choices per day, most of us choose to do the right thing or at least be civil, interact reasonably with others, conduct business, whatever. It's choices that we learn with education, emotional or curricular, as we mature that make us the functioning humans that we are.

Gangsters have at least looked at every factor of life that you and I have, and decided they want to bully their way through it all, only stopping to punch the roses. And I guess those of us in L.A. take our diversity of miscreants for granted: most gangs here are Latino, then the various other ethnic origins.

[George]

Okay, I see we have a difference in our views of human experiences, but I must argue that even if each of us contemplate the same issues, concepts or whatever, it is the environment in which we do this contemplation that colors our reality...
I also am aware of my style, which is one mixed with knowledge and heart that does not lend itself to being objective—but sprinkled with wisdom.
You all stay cool now. I'm going to start a thread in New York. Peace out

[fastfilm]

No, George. I myself was raised to be a vacuous illiterate with enough familial dysfunction to have sent weaker individuals to the nuthouse; instead I chose to find out facts to help with my questioning of my immediate environment. Your immediate environment isn't the entire world: you can even see that on tv. No, you can choose not to be a violent, retaliatory moron.

I'm persisting in this thread because of an aspect of massive importance to others reading here who are contemplating a move here. Yes, we really do have a huge problem with violent gangs, far out of proportion to other populations, that spreads into all but the richest gated neighborhoods. One of the many reasons the gang problem has persisted is that the younger generations think this is "normal" because it's all they've grown up with, and that it's always somebody else's fault (society, the gringos, la migra, government, the Democrats!, the Republicans! ad nauseum.) L.A. is synonymous with santuary for hardcore gangs.

I'm pleased you've chosen a line of work to really help people, but turning a blind eye to their own choices cannot aid them in seeing the world any differently. I live right amongst multi-generational gang families. They think violence and retaliation are normal, and that everybody else on the entire planet is in the wrong about violence being the normal way to do things daily, and they are being "picked on" because they're gangsters. I hope this attitude makes you vomit as well...