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Old 05-12-2010, 08:22 AM
 
80 posts, read 157,312 times
Reputation: 68
Default I miss Ca and I'm trying to convince my wife to move there

I was born and raised in Long Beach, moved to NY when I was 19, I met my wife, got married and had 2 children. We sold our house on L.I. NY and moved to Raleigh, NC in 2006. I really liked Raleigh at first, I liked the new subdivision we live in and I still like most of the weather. But after 3 yrs I am really hating this place, the fakeness, the southern drawl, the out of staters trying to be phoney NCers, then also you have other out of staters who go around saying how great there former state is, I have to ask, if it was so great why did you move?
Anyway (I know I'm rambling) I don't like it here for thousands of reasons, I don't like the NY winterseither though, I don't want to move to Fl (yuck) and I have to live near the ocean. So I am ready to come home to Ca but my wife isn't sold on the idea, she feels it is to far away from her dad and sister in NY. She also likes it here in NC and her mother (who is retired) moved down here near us also and bought a house, we have no other family in NC. We both have alot of family in NY and I have 2 brothers and 1 sister in CA (1 brother and one sister live in FL right now).
So this is what I have to deal with, I am hoping to move in 2 years, I suffered a career ending injury at work and after my disability gets all settled is when I want to make the move. I have a son who is 13 and a daughter who is 8 right now. As much as I hate it here my mother in law loves it here (?????). She likes the trees and and everything. I realize after living here I am a urban beach type of person and that is the environment I do best in.
I know all of the pitfalls of CA (expense ect....) but I also know I got a high quality education and if you don't believe LBUSD is a good district then you have never lived out of state. We are in one of the best dristricts in NC and the schools suck.
If you are in CA and are dreaming of moving to NC like so many others have DON'T DO IT. This is a right to work state, there are alot of people here who think the south should be like it was in 1850, the humidity is pretty bad, the bugs are bad I can go on and on. My brother moved his family out here from CA and they moved back in under a year.
I guess what I am asking help with is how do I convince my wife that there is no where like CA? I miss CA every day of my life.
P.S. I would be renting an apartment of condo somewhere near a beach maybe towards San Diego, I know what houses cost out there.
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Old 05-12-2010, 08:58 AM
 
364 posts, read 611,508 times
Reputation: 242
The fact is - there really is no place like California, especially Southern California. I think your wife would love it here.

But don't discourage others from moving to North Carolina. The more people who want to leave California, the better. My commute is getting longer and longer. LOL!
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
48,296 posts, read 38,853,635 times
Reputation: 20204
Quote:
Originally Posted by williamj67 View Post
I was born and raised in Long Beach, moved to NY when I was 19, I met my wife, got married and had 2 children. We sold our house on L.I. NY and moved to Raleigh, NC in 2006. I really liked Raleigh at first, I liked the new subdivision we live in and I still like most of the weather. But after 3 yrs I am really hating this place, the fakeness, the southern drawl, the out of staters trying to be phoney NCers, then also you have other out of staters who go around saying how great there former state is, I have to ask, if it was so great why did you move?
Anyway (I know I'm rambling) I don't like it here for thousands of reasons, I don't like the NY winterseither though, I don't want to move to Fl (yuck) and I have to live near the ocean. So I am ready to come home to Ca but my wife isn't sold on the idea, she feels it is to far away from her dad and sister in NY. She also likes it here in NC and her mother (who is retired) moved down here near us also and bought a house, we have no other family in NC. We both have alot of family in NY and I have 2 brothers and 1 sister in CA (1 brother and one sister live in FL right now).
So this is what I have to deal with, I am hoping to move in 2 years, I suffered a career ending injury at work and after my disability gets all settled is when I want to make the move. I have a son who is 13 and a daughter who is 8 right now. As much as I hate it here my mother in law loves it here (?????). She likes the trees and and everything. I realize after living here I am a urban beach type of person and that is the environment I do best in.
I know all of the pitfalls of CA (expense ect....) but I also know I got a high quality education and if you don't believe LBUSD is a good district then you have never lived out of state. We are in one of the best dristricts in NC and the schools suck.
If you are in CA and are dreaming of moving to NC like so many others have DON'T DO IT. This is a right to work state, there are alot of people here who think the south should be like it was in 1850, the humidity is pretty bad, the bugs are bad I can go on and on. My brother moved his family out here from CA and they moved back in under a year.
I guess what I am asking help with is how do I convince my wife that there is no where like CA? I miss CA every day of my life.
P.S. I would be renting an apartment of condo somewhere near a beach maybe towards San Diego, I know what houses cost out there.
I just want to fill you in on a few things: I don't know about the schools in Long Beach anymore and you do not either. What was a good district 10, 20 or more years ago, may or may not be today.

You talk about NC being a right to work state, what does that have to do with anything if you are on disability?

I agree about the humidity and bugs: yuck!!!

I don't know about your brother, but I do know people who have moved to NC and love it. No place is right for everyone, I know lots of people leave Ca and can't wait to get back, but living on disability isn't going to be easy anywhere near the beach. I assume your wife will be working, do you have any idea what the job market is like in California?

This is not to discourage you, but you want us to help you convince your wife how great California is, you are remembering the days gone by. Have you and your wife make a visit to California in the past few years? Did you price rentals and do some research?

I hope whatever you want does work out for you, and I am not trying to discourage you, but I think you need to think about the needs and wants of the entire family as well as yours and you need to be sure of the move before you make it.

Nita
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:06 AM
 
Location: Hills & Hollers of SW MO
18,597 posts, read 15,069,144 times
Reputation: 16336
Have you brought her out for a vacation? Perhaps that might help convince her. At the same time, you have to respect her views. Marriage should be a partnership, after all.

Did you, at any time before or early-on in your marriage tell her that you would ultimately like to return to the state of your birth? That's important. Before I married my wife, also a native Californian like I am, I told her that when I retired it would be ABC -- Anywhere But California. That was going on 14 years ago and she said she'd follow me anywhere. I meant it and so did she.

Good luck! If you can afford southern California and the beach, there are a lot worse places you could end up.

By the way, I lived in North Carolina twice thanks to the military. You could do a lot worse than there, too, and the outer bank and beaches are glorious. Perhaps a reasonable compromise would be to move to a seaside town.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:08 AM
 
80 posts, read 157,312 times
Reputation: 68
I hear ya Outdoors about people leaving and also maybe some people will like it here, I hate it. I hated NY winters but I liked the cultural aspects of it but so far most of the cultural aspects here have been western Nc Bar-b-q versus eastern Nc bar-b-q. There is nothing here, I know my wife would love Ca but her mother is going to hold her back because my mother in law put alot of money down on her house and now she's afraid if she sells it she will lose it all. So basically MY LIFE is hinged on how much money my mother in law put as a down payment on her house,,,,lol. Life has a weird sense of humor sometimes....lol
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:10 AM
 
Location: long island ny
4,413 posts, read 1,951,309 times
Reputation: 20222
I think William, that timing is everything.
Most women's 'roots' run deep and hard to displace them from family, although you guys did move to NC. (That's a plus.) Whoever said that it wasn't right for the guy to want to live closer to his family? Maybe that's the route you now can take wit your discussions/decisions to move?
In answering your original question, it's hard to tell how to convince your wife, I guess our suggestions may find a way to help.
Good luck though.
For me, when I'm on the right path, 'things' tend to fall into place.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:16 AM
 
80 posts, read 157,312 times
Reputation: 68
Hey curmudgeon, yes the outer banks have been discussed and they are beautiful but due to my injury I don't know how much I'll be able to surf anymore. My back is all torn up and the surgeons I have met with so far have said I need a 3 level fusion, I am going to see a surgeon at Duke in June but he will probably say the same. The other thing about the outer banks is there is no real culture to it, I have yet to find a So. Cal lifestyle anywhere but So. Cal. but you could duplicate a Fl. beach lifestyle all the way from Texas to south Carolina.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:28 AM
 
Location: Hills & Hollers of SW MO
18,597 posts, read 15,069,144 times
Reputation: 16336
Well, I certainly can't argue the fact that the SoCal lifestyle is unique but if it''s been a long while since you've been there, it has changed considerably. It may bear little resemblance to what you remember.

I was born and raised in SoCal (San Diego and Newport Beach, respectively). After I separated from the military after 12 years I looked to move back but even by then the changes were great and something was lost in the translation so I moved north. My wife and I went to SoCal on our honeymoon in 1996 and it had changed even more. It was not the childhood home I remembered and loved but thankfully, the memories are crisp and clear and I'm thankful I had the childhood I did there.

Back to my original recommendation. Vacation there with your wife and look deep into it. Sometimes you just can't go back!
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:38 AM
 
80 posts, read 157,312 times
Reputation: 68
Thanks for your reply Nita, I have nieces and nephews in school right now in Ca and my siblings say it is still a great school system out there. I know no place is right for everyone but after living in a couple of places I realize where I want to live. I feel my children are missing out on cultural diversity living here and they are being shaped into a narrow-minded puppets who should never speak thier mind or question authority just like the school system teaches here. Also the reason I mentioned the right to work state thing was a warning to others thinking of locating here, people tried to warn me but I didn't want to listen. States that are right to work states traditionally pay much lower wages than states that aren't. The whole work enviroment is different in a right to work state, "you do as your told, don't ask questions (because than your labelled as a complainer), don't make suggestions on how to do a job easier or better just do what your told or hit the road and find a new job". That is also what they are teaching in school, don't question anything, you are a pee-on so just do what you are told. There is a reason the taxes are so low here also. Most places here don't have street light, Interstate 40 does not have street lights, 90% of NC dosen't have street lights. If you ride a bicycle here I think yo have to be out of your mind, most roads don't have ANY shoulder on them and there is usually a ditch running along side of it. The people who think they are Lance Armstrong around here are crazy because there isn't room for them on the road. Most schools have very limited after schools programs or clubs. My daughters school had a student hit by a car crossing the street next to it, the school said if you (the parents) want a crossing guard than parents are going to have to volunteer to do it. These are some of the things that get to me.
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Old 05-12-2010, 09:55 AM
 
80 posts, read 157,312 times
Reputation: 68
Hey Curmudgeon I respect your views and understand "you can't go back". Also my wife and I were married in 1996, we honeymooned on the outer banks in an R.V. with our 2 dogs. I have made some trips back over the years and I felt like I was at home everytime. The smell of Eucaliptus trees in the morning, the June Gloom in the morning and then clearing out around noon to briliant sunshine. Going to the beach during June Gloom, like huntington, The water is sooo glassy and the waves are absolutely beautiful because there is no wind at all. Those are some of the things I miss, I know anyone could off set those positives with something negative but that is true for anywhere.
Also I have narrowed down my perfect place to live, it has to be more urban than suburban and not rural at all. No northern winters, near the coast, good schools, not in a southern culture, so where else can it be besides So. Cal.?
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