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Old 06-05-2010, 09:37 PM
 
4,028 posts, read 8,299,064 times
Reputation: 2871

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Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
The reason a woman with a $100,000 income can't find a man to date here is because some of these lazy fake bums who'd try to talk to you are so jealous and competitive with you they can't see straight. They want your money, but they don't want to go through what you had to go through to be a success. So if you get involved with someone like this be prepared to be undermined and mooched on a regular basis.
I really don't think this is the case.

I work with a number of women whose income is in the $75-120K range. Nearly all were either married before they made the money or are perpetually single. Of the ones that are perpetually single, they are univerally unapproachable. I've been out on happy hours where they are in the group(I don't ever date someone I work with so this is purely observation from a distance). Even though most of them are at least somewhat attractive, I've rarely seen them approached. And its because they are super defensive and on guard. Literally no smiling at anyone, no warmth emanating or whatever. And its truly bizarre because many of the guys and ladies in our group with so's will engage other groups at the happy hours in conversation and even pull them into our group.

My other experience with this is conducting business in professional settings where I have a very good idea what the employees are making. Again in my experience, the ladies in this income range intentionally or subconciously make themselves entirely unavailable. For instance at my medical center, there are several attractive pharmacists...at least 8 ladies that are above average in looks. As far as I can tell, only two are married. I've actually seen 4 of them place an ad on an online site in the past. But as far as work goes, totally unapproachable. No smile, defensive body language, etc. Even on lunch break(several restaurants in the area) they are constantly engaged in groups and again the defensive body language. I'd guess the income range is around $90k-130k, all are in their 30's, and all have this huge shield put up to protect them from who knows what.
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Old 06-05-2010, 10:57 PM
 
Location: Monterey County, CA
5,132 posts, read 11,728,800 times
Reputation: 5329
Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnG72 View Post
I really don't think this is the case.

I work with a number of women whose income is in the $75-120K range. Nearly all were either married before they made the money or are perpetually single. Of the ones that are perpetually single, they are univerally unapproachable. I've been out on happy hours where they are in the group(I don't ever date someone I work with so this is purely observation from a distance). Even though most of them are at least somewhat attractive, I've rarely seen them approached. And its because they are super defensive and on guard. Literally no smiling at anyone, no warmth emanating or whatever. And its truly bizarre because many of the guys and ladies in our group with so's will engage other groups at the happy hours in conversation and even pull them into our group.

My other experience with this is conducting business in professional settings where I have a very good idea what the employees are making. Again in my experience, the ladies in this income range intentionally or subconciously make themselves entirely unavailable. For instance at my medical center, there are several attractive pharmacists...at least 8 ladies that are above average in looks. As far as I can tell, only two are married. I've actually seen 4 of them place an ad on an online site in the past. But as far as work goes, totally unapproachable. No smile, defensive body language, etc. Even on lunch break(several restaurants in the area) they are constantly engaged in groups and again the defensive body language. I'd guess the income range is around $90k-130k, all are in their 30's, and all have this huge shield put up to protect them from who knows what.
LA is the largest county in the nation with ~ 10 million residents. In an area this large you will find all kinds, including both types of ppl described here and hundreds, even thousands more. Freddy Freeloader, the 30-40+ y/o man child who stills asks mom/dad or his GF for help with rent, the 30+ professional women with a chip so large on her shoulder that it can be seen a mile away. Oh, and most men are scum anyway, So you are guilty until proven innocent. And a whole slew of variants in between.

But alas, amongst this sea of singles, there are some decent, kind hearted individuals. Ppl who actually care about others, not so self-absorbed, and want to make the world a better place. And they are looking for someone with similar values/goals, etc... The problem is finding that special someone in the mess they call LA. With all the facades, walls, emphasis on the external appearances, bling, etc... this can be a bigger challenge. Just finding someone who is genuine, who you can trust and isn't out for your money and a quick conquest can be difficult.

And although I am a native of LA, I can sympathize with the OP. This certainly isn't Kansas anymore or the South or like many other states in our nation. LA has its own strange culture for better or worse. So I agree with many of her points, even if a bit jaded or scewed. Although not all male and female relationships are that way there are some strange relational patterns which have evolved out of the 60s, women's lib, men questioning their roles, lack of male role models, lack of healthy relationship models growing up. Hey, I saw this first hand growing up in LA. The population of divorced single parents raising childen was very common. I mean look at hollywood relationships as the extreme example. Ppl trading spouses out and up like trading cards. Not all homes are like this of course. But there is a more than plentiful amount of disfunction going around to skew the minds our current generation of singles.

In all our enlightenment CA has lost sight in many cases of what a healthy relationship and marriage actually looks like. And this is probably the worst where the OP was living and working - tinsletown. Home of appearances over content, where shallow relationships are dime a dozen. People are focused more on becoming the next Big <fill in the blank> and who cares about the means including disposable friends and relationships. So yeah, LA has its problems and is far from perfect. But ppl still manage to find that special someone. I met my wife, for example, in Hermosa Beach and with three children we are now celebrating our 20th anniversay. And we have many friends who have met their life partner in LA as well. So its not all bad.

I wish you the best on your return home really. And sorry to hear about you father.

God Bless,

Derek

Last edited by MtnSurfer; 06-05-2010 at 11:08 PM..
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Old 06-06-2010, 04:18 PM
 
23 posts, read 47,794 times
Reputation: 48
Thank you Derek. That was a really kind post. Never take what you have for granted because its so amazingly special. You are very lucky.

To the other poster - I am hardly an unapproachable 30 year old woman with a chip on her shoulder, but I consider the feedback: I have been like that in the past. Something to think about, but certainly not like the ones you described. I'm a short, perky, talkative cheerleader type - I was a corporate trainer/consultant for the studios, not some stuffy boys-club wannabe... good to know that's what people see that keeps men away though...
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Old 06-06-2010, 04:24 PM
 
Location: GLAMA
16,584 posts, read 32,641,418 times
Reputation: 16781
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post

You don't seem to have a problem with L.A. County's outrageous sales tax or 4 dollar a gallon gas.
Hyperbole seldom helps one's position on any given issue.
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Old 06-06-2010, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,022 posts, read 16,943,481 times
Reputation: 32174
To the OP: Are you sure you aren't blaming the place you live for your own personal problems? The latter will follow you everywhere you go. Sure, the cost of living (especially housing) is lower in the south, but salaries are lower too, so in the end will it be any easier to accumulate wealth? Your description of Los Angeles does not sound like the Los Angeles where I have lived continuously since 1966.
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Old 06-06-2010, 08:40 PM
 
58 posts, read 137,097 times
Reputation: 54
I don't like to burst your bubble, but although there is a certain charm to living in Los Angeles, this is also "just" another city where people are working hard to try and pay the bills.

And although it can be lovely to see locations that we see in movies, this is also a city that has a very plastic side... as a foreigner I can say that it's not easy to make friends in this place, people are always busy and nobody seems to have time.

But, there is a certain "excitement" to being able to see the Hollywood sign from my garden, to be able to walk around in Venice and see how some actors just walk around (heavily disguised with sunglasses and hats) and enjoy their morning coffee.

I can understand what you mean and think your excitement is refreshing.
Maybe one day you will be able to visit LA.

Good luck with your career in film.
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Old 06-06-2010, 08:43 PM
 
58 posts, read 137,097 times
Reputation: 54
I think you will really be a lot happier outside LA.

For some people it works out here, for others it doesn't and by the sound of it: LA is not for you.
You tried and did not find what you were looking for.

Good luck.
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Old 06-06-2010, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
8 posts, read 14,798 times
Reputation: 10
LA is great, the plastic surgery scene is great for bringing me clients. I would live there in a heartbeat for women with big **** and loose morals.
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Old 06-06-2010, 11:19 PM
 
Location: Conejo Valley, CA
12,476 posts, read 16,969,159 times
Reputation: 4304
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
The people who are entrenched (and in love) with L.A.'s liberalism like to characterize the conservative parts of the South as a bunch of poor, ignorant cave dwellers or Jesus freaks.
Don't forget us conservative heathens that characterize the South as an area dominated by religious bigotry.


And not to state the obvious in terms of dating, but most guys that have an interest in starting a family and/or getting married do so before they are in their 30's. This is not unique to LA, though Hollywood has a lot of eternal bachelors.

Lastly, this whole gentleman thing is rather trite and conflicts with the laid-back nature of most Californians. Californians tend to shun formality and silly things like opening a door are just that.
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Old 06-06-2010, 11:46 PM
 
10,630 posts, read 22,748,468 times
Reputation: 6687
I was married before we moved to LA, but my experience in general has been quite different; I've found LA overall to be a fairly polite place, I think even more so than my native Midwest. (this especially was highlighted on public transportation; I certainly don't expect men to let me on first or give me a seat, but that was often the case. And later on, while pregnant, people ALWAYS gave me a seat on the bus. Maybe the OP should try riding the bus or train if she wants to meet some traditionally polite men!) Cost of living is obviously higher and a six figure salary won't go nearly as far as it will in some parts of the country, but some of the other issues seem to be more a factor of social crowd or specific circumstances rather than the city itself. It's a big city; there's people of all types out there, including a lot of "normal" people. This high-pressure focus on appearance or material goods is something I didn't encounter while living in LA, for example (whether at work, home, or with friends); that's not to say that it's not very real for others, but it's by no mean universal. And since I know people who have met their spouses while living in LA and are now having kids, obviously not everyone lives the bad dating/avoiding marriage/avoiding kids stereotype. Sounds like the OP had bad luck, but that doesn't mean that her experience is reflective of all, most, or even many other women. It didn't work out for her, obviously; nothing wrong with moving on and finding a better fit or a fresh start if one city doesn't work out for whatever reason.
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